SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - How many times are we going to let them be inconsiderate of our feelings?

Ok, for starters, I've read Codependent no more, and what I can say for sure is, it doesn't work for me. Why? Because I can't detach from my feelings. I can't enjoy my day if somebody has just ruined my morning. I get riled up, and that anger festers and builds...and then I explode. You know what? I respect my darn anger! It's a normal reaction to an un-normal person's selfishness. I am done telling myself that I am wrong that I can't control my anger, because that anger is telling me something, and that anger is appropriate, normal, and saving my soul from manipulation and insulting behaviors.

Detachment is impossible for me. For all of you that can, kudos, really! You have an ability to do something I can never do.
My feelings are my life, essentially. What is my life without them? Separating myself from my anger, turning it off, detaching from the latest insult, is impossible. That is what alcolholics do. They're the pros at detachment...simple pour another down the gullet. For sober people, that's not an option.

I've run out of "get out of jail free" cards to give him, or doghouse, if you prefer. There's no more inside me, they're all used up.

Suddenly...it's all clear in a way it never was before. My feelings count, and darnit, not just a little, they count as the most important thing, because when somebody plays me like a puppet or jerks my chain, my day is ruined, heck, sometimes my week is ruined.
I can see a light at the end of this tunnel, and it's not death. It's freedom.

There are no more get out of jail free cards. I am warning you, here. You will never read this. You will never know that I knew beforehand that the cards have run out.
I have loved you more than anyone, ever. Back in the past, when we were dating for those years long distance, I didn't know that oneday that same person would break my heart by repeatedly dismissing, disregarding, and insulting my feelings. I may never love stronger than those days...and you know what?
I NO LONGER CARE!
I care more about my feelings. I care about taking care of my own feelings, and keeping them safe and out of harm's way. I come first, you no longer. You have had me shaking in my chair, seeking comfort anywhere yet none to be found, angrier than I ever knew possible, steam coming out of my nostrils and my blood pressure through the roof and you've done it a thousand times if you've done it once. Lucy and Charlie and the football. You've pulled it away a thousand times, yet I always trust it will be there for me to kick.
You've played me for a fool.
I don't know what that is, but it sure isn't love. Narcissism? Egotism? Misogony? Simple alcoholism?
You know what...I don't care what it is. I don't need to figure you out. YOU figure you out. You're not my problem, you're YOUR problem.

I am normal. Never got sucked into anything like this before, and NEVER will again.
There's something wrong with you. You can fix it or not, doesn't matter to me, because you no longer come first, ever, again.

You're no longer so important. My world revolved around you. Apparently, the whole darn universe revolves around you, at least according to your perspective. But in my world, the planets have shifted. I'm in the center, and you either revolve around me, or go find a new universe.
I played the martyr for 7 years. I sat there and took it...and you dished it out regularly. I wasn't so much willing for you to jerk my chain, I was too stupid to even see you were doing it.
As C once posted on here--words I'll never forget--save yourself people.
Forget about waiting for them, you might wait a million years. Forget about their promises, they will disappoint you next week, but they will make sure you are back in their grip before they do it, and then when they do, it will be to teach you the same lesson over again--you're a fool for trusting them to take into consideration your feelings. They ARE going to let you down again, you can count on it, and you can never never never never never never win. You will lose, it's a guaranttee.
I would be no contact right now--except one very important thing came up, that may never happen again between us. But tomorrow night, you won't know it...but there is no more free anything for you.
As soon as you disregard my feelings you are history.
And history says, that will be soon enough.
Insanity people--is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Find your freedom! It's in the people who care for you and care about your feelings! It's not in the alcoholic, and never will be.
Love doesn't have to be painful.