Is my Wife on a Slippery Slope?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2
Is my Wife on a Slippery Slope?
New here.
Married 10 years.
My wife and I used to just do the social drinking thing maybe twice a week.
In the last few years I've kind of just slowed down and I rarely drink at all.
She on the other hand has been cracking open a bottle of wine almost every night. I'll have one glass maybe once a week but she'll usually finish the bottle each time.
I've brought up my concerns several times before, but it just turns into an argument and for a few weeks she may cut down to only 3 or 4 nights a week.
She thinks I get mad at her when she drinks, but she doesn't really care that much.
This past month I think I found out that she's been hiding her drinking from me. I found a stash of empty bottles in a cabinet with several dirty wine glasses. I confronted her about it and she made some lame excuse about just putting things away or something.
Ok, whatever, maybe her mother stopped by and she just put them in there.
Then yesterday I find more bottles and more dirty glasses in the same location.
So obviously she's trying to hide it from me (not doing a good job of it though).
I just don't know where to go from here. If I talk to her about it she'll just brush it off or it will become an argument. Another problem is her career recently has her out of town 4-5 days a week. God knows how she's behaving when she's working.
I know that her closet drinking is one thing. But 2-3 drinks 4-5 days a week is what is worrying me. It's obviously progressed from when we first got married. Should I be worried? Seems like she's on a slippery slope.
I just don't know what to do.
Married 10 years.
My wife and I used to just do the social drinking thing maybe twice a week.
In the last few years I've kind of just slowed down and I rarely drink at all.
She on the other hand has been cracking open a bottle of wine almost every night. I'll have one glass maybe once a week but she'll usually finish the bottle each time.
I've brought up my concerns several times before, but it just turns into an argument and for a few weeks she may cut down to only 3 or 4 nights a week.
She thinks I get mad at her when she drinks, but she doesn't really care that much.
This past month I think I found out that she's been hiding her drinking from me. I found a stash of empty bottles in a cabinet with several dirty wine glasses. I confronted her about it and she made some lame excuse about just putting things away or something.
Ok, whatever, maybe her mother stopped by and she just put them in there.
Then yesterday I find more bottles and more dirty glasses in the same location.
So obviously she's trying to hide it from me (not doing a good job of it though).
I just don't know where to go from here. If I talk to her about it she'll just brush it off or it will become an argument. Another problem is her career recently has her out of town 4-5 days a week. God knows how she's behaving when she's working.
I know that her closet drinking is one thing. But 2-3 drinks 4-5 days a week is what is worrying me. It's obviously progressed from when we first got married. Should I be worried? Seems like she's on a slippery slope.
I just don't know what to do.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Sorry you're going through this...alcoholism is a nasty, cunning, baffling disease.
You may want to check out the Sticky thread, "do you need al-anon"? I bet you will answer yes to quite a few of the questions.
Al-anon has been a godsend to many of us involved with alcoholics. I was with my exabf on and off for 3.5 yrs. He put a gun to his mouth on the phone with me, during an argument over his drinking (he was drunk). That was my bottom. I told him, get sober or I leave. He let me leave.
It is very powerful-this disease. There are deep-seated self esteem issues with alcoholics, I believe-my exabf was mentally ill to boot. You do not have an easy road ahead of you, as you've probably gleaned from the post of those of us who've been there.
The only thing you have control over, is yourself. Right now you need some support and help. Please consider al-anon.
You may want to check out the Sticky thread, "do you need al-anon"? I bet you will answer yes to quite a few of the questions.
Al-anon has been a godsend to many of us involved with alcoholics. I was with my exabf on and off for 3.5 yrs. He put a gun to his mouth on the phone with me, during an argument over his drinking (he was drunk). That was my bottom. I told him, get sober or I leave. He let me leave.
It is very powerful-this disease. There are deep-seated self esteem issues with alcoholics, I believe-my exabf was mentally ill to boot. You do not have an easy road ahead of you, as you've probably gleaned from the post of those of us who've been there.
The only thing you have control over, is yourself. Right now you need some support and help. Please consider al-anon.
Originally Posted by mcdeeee 
New here.
Married 10 years.
My wife and I used to just do the social drinking thing maybe twice a week.
In the last few years I've kind of just slowed down and I rarely drink at all.
She on the other hand has been cracking open a bottle of wine almost every night. I'll have one glass maybe once a week but she'll usually finish the bottle each time.
I've brought up my concerns several times before, but it just turns into an argument and for a few weeks she may cut down to only 3 or 4 nights a week.
She thinks I get mad at her when she drinks, but she doesn't really care that much.
This past month I think I found out that she's been hiding her drinking from me. I found a stash of empty bottles in a cabinet with several dirty wine glasses. I confronted her about it and she made some lame excuse about just putting things away or something.
Ok, whatever, maybe her mother stopped by and she just put them in there.
Then yesterday I find more bottles and more dirty glasses in the same location.
So obviously she's trying to hide it from me (not doing a good job of it though).
I just don't know where to go from here. If I talk to her about it she'll just brush it off or it will become an argument. Another problem is her career recently has her out of town 4-5 days a week. God knows how she's behaving when she's working.
I know that her closet drinking is one thing. But 2-3 drinks 4-5 days a week is what is worrying me. It's obviously progressed from when we first got married. Should I be worried? Seems like she's on a slippery slope.
I just don't know what to do.
Married 10 years.
My wife and I used to just do the social drinking thing maybe twice a week.
In the last few years I've kind of just slowed down and I rarely drink at all.
She on the other hand has been cracking open a bottle of wine almost every night. I'll have one glass maybe once a week but she'll usually finish the bottle each time.
I've brought up my concerns several times before, but it just turns into an argument and for a few weeks she may cut down to only 3 or 4 nights a week.
She thinks I get mad at her when she drinks, but she doesn't really care that much.
This past month I think I found out that she's been hiding her drinking from me. I found a stash of empty bottles in a cabinet with several dirty wine glasses. I confronted her about it and she made some lame excuse about just putting things away or something.
Ok, whatever, maybe her mother stopped by and she just put them in there.
Then yesterday I find more bottles and more dirty glasses in the same location.
So obviously she's trying to hide it from me (not doing a good job of it though).
I just don't know where to go from here. If I talk to her about it she'll just brush it off or it will become an argument. Another problem is her career recently has her out of town 4-5 days a week. God knows how she's behaving when she's working.
I know that her closet drinking is one thing. But 2-3 drinks 4-5 days a week is what is worrying me. It's obviously progressed from when we first got married. Should I be worried? Seems like she's on a slippery slope.
I just don't know what to do.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 59
MC Dee,
Just to add my welcome here on this forum. I too have a wife I love who drinks waaay too much. She will admit herself she is an alcoholic.
What you learn here, and maybe at Al-anon, will help you better address your own concerns about your wife's drinking.
No one will tell you what do do, but as you learn about alcoholism, if indeed you conclude that your wife is an alcoholic, you will learn how to do two things:
1. look after your own concerns and heal some of the hurt you may feel, protect yourself a little. Discover its not your fault or not something you created (even if you have been told that by your loved one!)
2. learn what not to do, and what to do, so that you are not enabling you wife to stay too easily in "active addiction" as they call it. You may discover that a lot of the things we do and say when we first discover we are in a relationship with a heavy drinker can actually make things worse even though we think they are the right things!
Take care.
Just to add my welcome here on this forum. I too have a wife I love who drinks waaay too much. She will admit herself she is an alcoholic.
What you learn here, and maybe at Al-anon, will help you better address your own concerns about your wife's drinking.
No one will tell you what do do, but as you learn about alcoholism, if indeed you conclude that your wife is an alcoholic, you will learn how to do two things:
1. look after your own concerns and heal some of the hurt you may feel, protect yourself a little. Discover its not your fault or not something you created (even if you have been told that by your loved one!)
2. learn what not to do, and what to do, so that you are not enabling you wife to stay too easily in "active addiction" as they call it. You may discover that a lot of the things we do and say when we first discover we are in a relationship with a heavy drinker can actually make things worse even though we think they are the right things!
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Welcome to SR.
As you wait for more responses I recommend that you read as many posts as you can, as well as the sticky threads. Another helpful tool is to read the previous and/or current posts written by someone who has been here awhile or otherwise provides a good example of what we call ESH:Experience, Strength and Hope.
You'll find the link to previous posts when you click on that person's screen-name at the upper left side of the page.
As you wait for more responses I recommend that you read as many posts as you can, as well as the sticky threads. Another helpful tool is to read the previous and/or current posts written by someone who has been here awhile or otherwise provides a good example of what we call ESH:Experience, Strength and Hope.
You'll find the link to previous posts when you click on that person's screen-name at the upper left side of the page.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
The same slope my wife was on a long, long time ago. She's since slid off the cliff, partially recovered, and slid off again. That said, make no mistake that your wife is an alcoholic. She is, and you described it perfectly in your post so you can stop wondering now. Your wife is not only on the slope, she's sliding down it, and there is a cliff at the bottom.
Now the question is, what do you do about it? You'll find the answer in Alanon. Keep an open mind, and try at least six different meetings, some different, before deciding if it will work for you. Here: How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
And keep coming here, read the stickies at the top of the forum, and read, read, read what others here have to share.
Like the rest of us, you didn't cause her alcoholism, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
Take care, take what you want, and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
Now the question is, what do you do about it? You'll find the answer in Alanon. Keep an open mind, and try at least six different meetings, some different, before deciding if it will work for you. Here: How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
And keep coming here, read the stickies at the top of the forum, and read, read, read what others here have to share.
Like the rest of us, you didn't cause her alcoholism, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
Take care, take what you want, and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
Hello and welcome mcdeeee.
Yes, there's a ton of information available on this site and I'm happy you've found SR. It's been a great source of help for me. Everyday I learn something new and I also realized that I don't have to know it all right now.
You may find that as time passes you will begin to improve yourself while your AW continues to spiral down. It's a long journey and I won't lie, there will be harder times.
Just know that you're not alone with your struggles and just when you think you've hit some sort of wall, you'll find out that many of us are standing right there or made it to the other side.
My wife is an Alcoholic too.
Yes, there's a ton of information available on this site and I'm happy you've found SR. It's been a great source of help for me. Everyday I learn something new and I also realized that I don't have to know it all right now.
You may find that as time passes you will begin to improve yourself while your AW continues to spiral down. It's a long journey and I won't lie, there will be harder times.
Just know that you're not alone with your struggles and just when you think you've hit some sort of wall, you'll find out that many of us are standing right there or made it to the other side.
My wife is an Alcoholic too.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Mmmm, Id be worried. If shes hiding bottles & glasses its a definite, conscious thing shes doing. Start reading and getting lots of info for her and yourself on alcoholism. Id be trying to get her some serious professional help now before itd way worse.
Just my opinion.
JJ
Just my opinion.
JJ
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi and welcome-
just my two cents. i don't think 3 glasses of wine makes someone an alcoholic; however, the hiding it raises concern and is common amongst addicts. i would render a guess that perhaps she is drinking more than 3 glasses of wine/night.
it took me a long time to figure out that mine was an alcoholic. with him, i learned to tell from his eyes. they would be glazed, even though he said he only had a few drinks. i also could tell from his pee. it was very bright yellow due to dehydration.
here, you will learn to get the focus off of the alcoholic and back onto yourself. that said, if it was me, i'd get the facts. i know i needed to know how much he was drinking so that i could determine how i wanted to proceed. i got my answer through some detective work: reading receipts, marking bottles, asking questions to those around him, some surprise unexpected me coming home early or showing up unexpected.
mine was (and is) an active alcoholic. i had no idea how much he was drinking, he hid it so well. it explained a lot of problems we were having...his moodiness, odd sleeping patterns, money frittering away, lack of responsibility, constant "flus and colds", lack of appetitie, red eyes, loss of eyesight, sleeping pill abuse, car crashes, etc.
just my two cents. i don't think 3 glasses of wine makes someone an alcoholic; however, the hiding it raises concern and is common amongst addicts. i would render a guess that perhaps she is drinking more than 3 glasses of wine/night.
it took me a long time to figure out that mine was an alcoholic. with him, i learned to tell from his eyes. they would be glazed, even though he said he only had a few drinks. i also could tell from his pee. it was very bright yellow due to dehydration.
here, you will learn to get the focus off of the alcoholic and back onto yourself. that said, if it was me, i'd get the facts. i know i needed to know how much he was drinking so that i could determine how i wanted to proceed. i got my answer through some detective work: reading receipts, marking bottles, asking questions to those around him, some surprise unexpected me coming home early or showing up unexpected.
mine was (and is) an active alcoholic. i had no idea how much he was drinking, he hid it so well. it explained a lot of problems we were having...his moodiness, odd sleeping patterns, money frittering away, lack of responsibility, constant "flus and colds", lack of appetitie, red eyes, loss of eyesight, sleeping pill abuse, car crashes, etc.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 255
I hope things work out for you. Don't be surprised if she doesn't admit having a problem, though. My AW hides her booze, as well. She was totally plastered last night... almost catatonic... and my daughter and I searched for her stash, but couldn't find it.
She has a big pile of stuff next to her chair with books, medicine, bags and boxes that she refuses to clean up. My guess is that she's got it squirreled away in there somewhere.
I could probably find it if I really tried, but it's getting hard to care any more, and I don't feel like digging through her junk. I've confronted her about it several times, and she won't even admit that she's been drinking, much less that she's an alcoholic.
She has a big pile of stuff next to her chair with books, medicine, bags and boxes that she refuses to clean up. My guess is that she's got it squirreled away in there somewhere.
I could probably find it if I really tried, but it's getting hard to care any more, and I don't feel like digging through her junk. I've confronted her about it several times, and she won't even admit that she's been drinking, much less that she's an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Hello and welcome..
Your wife is definetely drifting into dangerous waters.
I know, as I am an alcoholic who is also a wife. I used to hide my alcohol for a various reasons (so I thought), but, I hid it because I am an alcoholic.
Hiding our booze is something a person who has a normal relationship with alcohol would never do, as there is no reason to.
I too suspect she is drinking more then the few glasses you believe she is. But, the real question is what can you do for yourself.
Read, learn, absorb all the information you can about alcoholism. Also please read the stickies at the top of the page, and check into Al-Anon.
SR is a wonderful place to learn, and find support.
Your wife is definetely drifting into dangerous waters.
I know, as I am an alcoholic who is also a wife. I used to hide my alcohol for a various reasons (so I thought), but, I hid it because I am an alcoholic.
Hiding our booze is something a person who has a normal relationship with alcohol would never do, as there is no reason to.
I too suspect she is drinking more then the few glasses you believe she is. But, the real question is what can you do for yourself.
Read, learn, absorb all the information you can about alcoholism. Also please read the stickies at the top of the page, and check into Al-Anon.
SR is a wonderful place to learn, and find support.
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