Alcoholic Ex-Boyfriend
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Oakland, CA
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Alcoholic Ex-Boyfriend
Hello Fellow Sober Recovery.Com Members,
The reason that I am writing this is because I feel a need to vent. My ex-boyfriend has been an alcoholic for over ten years. When I met him he was going to AA and managed to get 11 months of Sobriety under his belt. Then, after we had our daughter, he went back to drinking.
He has been going to AA for ten years, he said, and yet he still continues to drink. It seems to me like he uses AA as a revolving door, a crutch, or abuses that too. He knows that Alcoholism is a disease (there is no denial about that), but still wants to drink, because he is an "addict". He just "has bad habits". I feel that there is a thin line between a "DISEASE" (which is a health issue) and an "ADDICTION". Sometimes I just get confused and wonder if being an Alcoholic is also an IDENTITY.
I just don't understand how he can talk to other people over the phone about abstaining from Alcohol, and then drink himself. He tells me that I will NEVER figure him out.
Also, how can someone go to AA for TEN years, and still drink? "Maintenance is good," he often says. He'll stop drinking for a while and then start up again. It just baffles my mind.
I have been to so many AA meetings and there are OLD TIMERS who have been SOBER from 5-20 years, but he can't do it or he won't. But my main issue is how can somebody go to AA for over ten years and use it for MAINTENANCE instead of quitting drinking completely?
The reason that I am writing this is because I feel a need to vent. My ex-boyfriend has been an alcoholic for over ten years. When I met him he was going to AA and managed to get 11 months of Sobriety under his belt. Then, after we had our daughter, he went back to drinking.
He has been going to AA for ten years, he said, and yet he still continues to drink. It seems to me like he uses AA as a revolving door, a crutch, or abuses that too. He knows that Alcoholism is a disease (there is no denial about that), but still wants to drink, because he is an "addict". He just "has bad habits". I feel that there is a thin line between a "DISEASE" (which is a health issue) and an "ADDICTION". Sometimes I just get confused and wonder if being an Alcoholic is also an IDENTITY.
I just don't understand how he can talk to other people over the phone about abstaining from Alcohol, and then drink himself. He tells me that I will NEVER figure him out.
Also, how can someone go to AA for TEN years, and still drink? "Maintenance is good," he often says. He'll stop drinking for a while and then start up again. It just baffles my mind.
I have been to so many AA meetings and there are OLD TIMERS who have been SOBER from 5-20 years, but he can't do it or he won't. But my main issue is how can somebody go to AA for over ten years and use it for MAINTENANCE instead of quitting drinking completely?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
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Well, he's right about one thing...you'll never figure him out. His logic is exactly that of an alcoholic. He is NOT a recovering alcoholic. He is getting absolutely nothing out of AA. He continues to drink because he is an alcoholic and he does not want to stop drinking.
You will drive yourself insane trying to make sense out of an alcoholic's thinking process. The best thing for you to do is to focus on your own well-being and that of your daughter. That is where your responsibility lies.
You will drive yourself insane trying to make sense out of an alcoholic's thinking process. The best thing for you to do is to focus on your own well-being and that of your daughter. That is where your responsibility lies.
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suki44883
you'll never figure him out. His logic is exactly that of an alcoholic.
you'll never figure him out. His logic is exactly that of an alcoholic.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Haha! I remember during one of our breakups, my exabf did the same thing. I thought he was totally engaging in false advertising. He also said he "only smokes when drinking", which is a lie. he's a total smoker.
Originally Posted by Linkmeister 
My EXABF has joined the on-line world of dating websites- and on them, he describes himself as "drinks socially." How's that for twisted alcoholic logic?
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Originally Posted by ConcernedM
I just don't understand how he can talk to other people over the phone about abstaining from Alcohol, and then drink himself. He tells me that I will NEVER figure him out.
Have you gone to therapy? I did, and realized I liked people full of EMPTY promises, who said one thing and did another. I was going crazy. I learned this from my dad. He quacks a lot and is not even an alcoholic. Healing that part has helped me realize I don't need stress nor anyone toxic in my life. I need to give me a chance to trust people and RELAX and that starts choosing my friends better.
Also if he is an ex why keep contact? I am no longer talking to any ex. And it feels great.
All the best.
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