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Old 05-07-2011, 08:08 AM
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I spent a lot of time hiding the fact that my husband is an alcoholic (and denying it to myself). I didn't want my family to know because I knew they would be judgmental and hound me to leave him, when I wanted to make my own choices without their interference. I didn't want friends to know because it was embarassing that I made such a bad choice when the rest of my life is stable and successful, and I didn't want him to be negatively affected by people knowing he had issues.

When I couldn't deny it any longer and started opening up about what I was going through, I discovered something shocking: pure support when I needed it the most. It was painful to tell my family, and they may have been a little judgmental at first, but they are respecting me by letting me work things out in my own way. They repeat that they are there for me if I need anything. With friends, I was surprised to learn that each one of them has an experience with an alcoholic, whether a parent, child, former boyfriend or girlfriend, or spouse--and they offer understanding and support.

They don't think I caused this. They don't think I can cure this. They know I can't control this. I was wrong to hide what was happening because I needed this support.
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Old 05-07-2011, 08:46 AM
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How very lucky you are to have such a wonderful support system. It will really help get you through. So many of us have families that just don't understand or (like me) have family that are A's too and just think I am crazy to think my AH is really an A. That support will give you so much strength. Now you can move on to healing yourself, and that is a wonderful direction to move to.
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Old 05-07-2011, 11:03 AM
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What I learned, which was very important for me, is that NONE of us are really alone in going through this. Even without a supportive family or friends, there is always a supportive SR family, and many, many people in Al-Alanon who completely understand what we go through!
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Old 05-07-2011, 02:05 PM
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So glad you got real support. You know who your true friends are! I think we (people in general) tend to catasrophize things. The fear hold us back because we think it's going to be so awful. One of the best books I've ever read is called, "Face the Fear and Do It Anyway." It really turned things around for me in all areas of my life.
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