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Same old dance

Old 05-06-2011, 10:16 PM
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Same old dance

Apologies. I haven't been around much lately. Been super busy with training and logistics for my upcoming tour overseas.

Overall, the last month or so has been pretty good. Alcoholic wife seems to have been doing well. There have been a few times I know she's been drinking. Most I let slide, as I simply don't want to deal with a drunk person.

We had a big breakthrough last week. For the very first time, she didn't lie about her drinking when I asked. Minor progress. I'll take it.

After a long day today, I came home and immediately suspected her drinking. This was based solely on behavior. And so far, I have never been wrong.

I'm only home a couple days a week. I was gone from the house for 15 straight hours today. Couldn't they at least TRY to not drink a little harder? I mean it's just a couple days a week. Why wait until I'm home?

I just hate dealing with the crazy BS. I did pretty good today. I just ignored her and let her quack. She won't remember in the morning most likely.

Just another data point. Most can't stop. Even with the concrete evidence and her regular admission that our lives are better without her drinking, she still drinks. Oh, she's down for 15 bottles of wine a week. No idea what it is now. I suspect 3-4. Don't care, really. My exit strategy is set. I simply endure. It is easier to endure since I'm gone all week, and leaving soon.
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Old 05-07-2011, 02:02 AM
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I was trying to explain it to my daughter.

I think for my wife once she gets that idea that she is going to drink, absolutely all reason and rationale goes out the window.

There are no thoughts of consequences or impacts. The mind is set on it.

My wife knows she is gradually losing her family, we have been moved out two months. She knows this, and, when not drinking is committed to kick-starting her recovery (a work in progress). She is deparate for our return; we would love to return if she can start a path to sobriety!

But if and when, her little brain gets that notion to drink, it will happen, and nothing we can do will impact it.

It truly is baffling, bewildering. Plainly insanity!

Take care...
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Old 05-07-2011, 09:57 AM
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15 bottles a week? Good God! That sounds expensive on top of super unhealthy.

Once, during a period of normalcy (sober for at least 24 hours), I began to add up the costs of alcohol. And that was just the bottles I saw coming in the house. It was over $400 a month. I pointed out we could have a really nice Porsche SUV (his favorite) with that kind of money instead. I remember it did kind of jar him a little....

Take good care, Z.
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Old 05-07-2011, 07:28 PM
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too bad she won't listen to speaker tapes.

Polly P from AA was married to a serviceman
who was out for months at a time.

she used that as her excuse.

it's frustrating when you see the help right there isn't it?

sounds like you're getting the detachment thing, though.
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Old 05-07-2011, 09:00 PM
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My exabf would mainly drink at the bars. I hate to think how much he spent on a monthly basis-esp because when he'd get happy-drunk, he'd start buying drinks for people. Ugh.

Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
15 bottles a week? Good God! That sounds expensive on top of super unhealthy.

Once, during a period of normalcy (sober for at least 24 hours), I began to add up the costs of alcohol. And that was just the bottles I saw coming in the house. It was over $400 a month. I pointed out we could have a really nice Porsche SUV (his favorite) with that kind of money instead. I remember it did kind of jar him a little....

Take good care, Z.
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Old 05-07-2011, 09:19 PM
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Sounds like you've accepted her situation, and her choice to continue on her path with her disease. That's a great step. I hope things go well with your tour, and things look more promising when you get back. When do you leave, and how long are you gone for?
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Old 05-08-2011, 07:04 AM
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ZRX - Glad to see you back! I missed you "RUN" posts!

You definitely have a great game plan and seem to have accepted this awful disease and the unfortunate outcome of our loved ones. Keep on keeping on because life is only going to get better for you.

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Old 05-08-2011, 07:15 AM
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Originally Posted by zrx1200R View Post
I'm only home a couple days a week. I was gone from the house for 15 straight hours today. Couldn't they at least TRY to not drink a little harder? I mean it's just a couple days a week. Why wait until I'm home?
Yes! I experience the SAME thing. I'm away on business a lot, I'll call home at night, AH is fine, but he picks me up from the airport wasted! ????

You're right, they go along with their "hidden" drinking and not-so-hidden drunken behavior, we resign ourselves and do the best we can. I am convinced that nothing short of a "spiritual awakening" will stop their drinking, and God knows we can't do THAT for them.

AH had an incident two weeks ago--he woke up next to his lawn mower. He thought he was having a heart attack, so he called 911. After 3 days of cardio and vascular tests, no sign of heart problems or stroke. Doctor said it was most likely warm weather combined with alcohol consumption (his blood alcohol level was REALLY high when he was admitted to the ER). He detoxed in the hospital and told the doc he would go to rehab.

When he got home, the lawn mower shaft was mangled and ruined. He had to buy a new lawn mower. So in my idealistic, metaphysical way of thinking, I HOPED it was like a strike from heaven, like Paul on the way to Damascus.

But, in reality, it took one week to go back to the old patterns. We was just as drunk last night as he usually is. I'm just bottomed out in the hope department. And after he laced my poor, defenseless BIL with meanness all the way home from dinner, I'm bottomed out in the patience department, too. Detach with love... I'm trying as hard I can until I can detach physically.
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Old 05-08-2011, 11:49 AM
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"I'm only home a couple days a week. I was gone from the house for 15 straight hours today. Couldn't they at least TRY to not drink a little harder? I mean it's just a couple days a week. Why wait until I'm home?"

I will venture a bet that the Why Wait Until You Are Home is because she is an alcoholic! When you are gone..she drinks because you are always gone. When you are home..she drinks to put up with you while you are there.

When you leave..finally leave the marriage..she will find another person or reason to blame. OR it will still be you. You left me you rotten SOB..cheers!

I am sure it is the same dance. I recognize her role because I am an alcoholic. I recognize your role because I was married to an alcoholic. I finally am free of the insanity and sober (in my 7th month)..and for the first time living in PEACE. I found out after sobering up I am also a codependent from hell. But now..I am a work in progress. No way in HELL will I return to the alcoholic lifestyle..either by going back to imbibe or by welcoming anyone that has anything to do with alcohol back into my life. It is like living out the War of the Roses. I wish you peace. This is the 1st time in my adult life that I am exactly where I want to be.
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