faefae44

I grew up in an alcoholic family and I still harbor a lot of resentment from that. I also still live at home and go to college and have to be around my father who drinks a lot (believe me, we've tried everything to get him to stop. He ultimately won't and we can't force him). I love him to death but I can barely be in a room with him even if he's sober because I get so angry.

If my boyfriend or friends get drunk (which is only once in a while) I still get horribly angry. I am not an angry person at all but this is the one thing that sets me off.

I don't really show it around them because I know I would sound irrational, so I keep it to myself and it tears me up.

How do I let that anger go?? I hate feeling this way...

sandrawg

I think this is natural, but it's not healthy to be carrying around so much anger.

Do you go to al-anon?

faefae44

I've thought about al-anon but I've never gone. Maybe I'll go to a meeting and check it out.

TakingCharge999

Boundaries, what about not seeing him if he is drunk?

Also my humble advice is therapy/Alanon - given your dad is an alcoholic its possible you will attract one as a partner... I don't know, what about asking the guy to stop drinking altogether? in my humble experience any normal person will give up drinking if the partner asks for it. Hell, normal people don't even have alcohol come up as a TOPIC. So to me that would be a good test. If for whatever reason I was hurting someone by drinking I would have NO issue not drinking at all anymore. If after this request he resents you, keeps drinking, tells you YOU are boring, or whatever then........ he may be an alcoholic, just in the early stages........

Well anyway one of my main sources of support has been a therapist with experience in codependency and addiction. My life has improved, not only the romance area. Hope you can find one.

All the best.

faefae44

Yeah, I've looked more at this al-anon thing. It looks like it might be able to help. At least I hope it could. Alcohol ruined my childhood and I don't want it to ruin my adult years either. I'm still a happy young woman for the most part, I don't want to turn bitter.

TakingCharge999: My boyfriend actually used to be an alcoholic (before I met him). Well, I guess he always will be because he has to always be very very careful around it, but for the most part he has it under control. I've been dating him for a while and he's only been drunk once since I've been with him, and I wasn't even there. He won't touch it while I'm there because he knows how I feel about it. I think because I wasn't there, I think that's one of the reasons why he might have let go. He was also at a wedding with people who he knew in his drinking days. (One of which was his ex wife who is also a drunk).

This is what really spurred this thread on. This happened last night. I found out he got drunk and I didn't say anything to him but I got so angry inside.

I kept my mouth shut about it since it was one slip up but it really worried and angered me.

ANEWAUGUST

I grew up with an alcoholic father, my husband is a weekend warrior, and I am an alcoholic in recovery.

When I newly sober, I resented alcohol, those that could drink, those that drank to excess...everything about it.

It took me working the program of AA and Al-Anon to be able to seperate the alcohol from the alcoholic, including myself.

I realized not only am I powerless over alcohol for myself, I am powerless over anyone else choice regarding alcohol.

Thru these programs I realized, I truly resented alcohol for what it had done to me, and others in my life.

I have been able to work thru this, and now, I can be around others that drink, it doesn't bother me anymore. However, sloppy, excessive drinking is a behavior I don't care to be around, at all.

If your boyfriend is truly an alcoholic, he can't ever go back to drinking normally. Once we become a pickle, we can't go back to being a cucumber.

Please consider attending Al-Anon to find some calm in the storm called alcoholism which is in your home, and in your life. It has taken me years to finally realize my Dad was a good man that suffered from a disease. For too long, I lumped the two together and couldn't seperate them. You also might want to look into ACOA, which is adult children of alcoholics. It helped me understand alot of my feelings and choices, including choosing a partner who does drink.