powerless and overwhelmed
 

Hi Everyone,

Well here goes, my S.O is a recovering heroin addict. A guy who he was involved with was sentenced to life in prison this week. Anyway S.O is not dealing well with this for some reason, I'm not sure what. I have a feeling that he may not have told me all the details of his involvement with this person but he's shut down right now so there really isn't much point in trying to talk to him about it. I did tell him this morning that if he didn't tell me some stuff he may want to tell me now so I know what's up.

I'm the co-dependant fixer who is no longer fixing but I haven't learnt any behaviours to replace this yet . Also with him being so distant and barely communicating with me right now it's like walking on eggshells. I feel the only thing I can do is offer to be there to listen if he wants to unload it but that's about it. I don't feel there is much more I can do.

Actually I was thinking of staying at my place for a couple of days with my son and giving the S.O some space to work things through and I guess this is my question to you guys. I mean I feel guilty for feeling this way but at the same time it's not that pleasant being around someone who is barely speaking. I have the worry also of him relapsing over it but again I feel pretty powerless if he decides to that. Me hanging all over him certainly won't help him.

Feedback would be appreciated.

Thanks

Ngaire

myles,
IM FAIRLY NEW HERE AND PROBABLY NOT THE ONE TO GIVE ADVICE.....BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR NOW.
UNTIL HE IS READY TO COMMUNICATE...THERE ISNT MUCH YOU CAN DO.
GOOD LUCK------------BETTY

Thanks. Sssssiiiiiigggghhhh I feel like such a traitor wanting to take care of myself.

Ngaire

The more I think about it, you know this happened before I knew him so wouldn't it it be horribly, unhealthily co-dependent of me to want to be involved in anyway in this? It seems the healthiest thing I could do is offer moral support if wanted and needed and let him figure out things that he needs to figure out.

Any feedback?

Ngaire

Ngaire -

Why is it so hard to take care of ourselves? It sounds like no matter which choice you make it might not be the right one for him so make the choice that is right for you. Use those codependent feelings on yourself!!!!!

Hopefully, when he is ready to open up to you he'll let you know and meanwhile you will have been where you need to be.

Take care of yourself.

Jo

Myles,

I feel like a traitor too sometimes when I turn inward. But do you know what? It is a feeling...that is all it is. Isn't that what HE is doing??

Be glad you HAVE a place to go...and go. Trust me, he will call.

And by all means get your child to a place where he can breath...kids know a lot more than we give them credit for.

Hugs,
JT

All you can do is offer to
 

be there for him and listen to him. If he's shutting you down, you have no choice but to go somewhere else. Make your decisions based on what's best for you and your son.
Peace,
Gabe

Yes I agree, I want to stay home for a couple of days,defrost my freezer and do some cleaning.

He called a few hours ago and we just ended up with him getting angry and saying he doesn't want to talk about anything, so fine.

I sent him an e-mail and said that probably we should agree to disagree on the subject that we weren't getting anywhere with it.

Ngaire

All of my life I offered help to people who don't want it. I found that I needed to redirect my efforts.

Today, I help people in Al-Anon who want my help. It was a terrific change in perspective........but a good one.

Sounds like you could really appreciate doing service in Al-Anon. Got a commitment?

No Alanon around here.:D

Ngaire