Big day on Friday

Old 05-05-2011, 09:10 PM
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Big day on Friday

I am very apprehensive today. My wife comes home from rehab tomorrow after 6 weeks away. I am very proud of how hard she has worked to get a good start on her recovery. We all miss her so much.

While she has been gone we have adjusted some of our routines and have found a new balance in our day to day activities. We want the sober her to be part of that but I still feel apprehension over the changes that will naturally happen now she is coming home. I am trying really hard not to set expectations but it is difficult. I am going to try to maintain as much of the schedule we have been on as possible. That gives the kids and I stability and independence and gives her freedom to schedule what she wants and when. It is hard to give space and detachment with love without setting barriers to support and caring. It’s going to be hard to find a balance and will take some practice.

Its been really hard with her away and looking after the three kids. On the other hand I have not had to worry about her drinking for 6 weeks. No sleepless nights wondering if she had been drinking. Some sleepless nights but those are not her fault.

I have read lots on the forum of all the Recovering Alcohlics the have failed or had slips. I am prepared for that possibility. It would also be good to hear of some successful recoveries.

This will be a very interesting and exciting weekend. We are planning a family dinner out for some sushi to celebrate her coming home.

I have my fingers crossed.
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Old 05-05-2011, 10:13 PM
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I am so happy for you & especially the kids..Im sure they have missed mommy..

I dont have a great success story, wish I did.

I wasnt going to write anything on this post, but then I thought about
it and here I am..

My AH did rehab too, I thought it was going to be the magic cure. I had
high hopes and inside dreams of him becoming this "new man".
Everything would be better.

He wouldnt want to drink anymore, especially after we
just paid $10 Grand for rehab.

The first week he was super gung ho for AA.
He went everyday, sometimes 2 times.

His memory was really off the record.
He could hardly go to work, it was like he was still living in a cloud.

I read alot about what to expect, when he came home.

I thought I understood it all, until the day he actually came home.

He had days where I swear he wanted me to clap like a monkey
because he emptied the garbage or went to work.

He fought that, for three weeks, before he went on a weekend drunk.

I WISH I WOULD HAVE LEARNED & REALLY KNEW WHAT PEOPLE WERE SAYING:
A. Rehab is not the cure
B. He will "always" be an alcoholic, it never goes away
C. Have a backup plan
D. Dont expect miracles or a so called "normal" person
It would of saved me from alot of pain.....

I wish you the best of luck.
There are sucess stories out there!!!

You sound well grounded, but I will give you my 2 cents "Fasten Your Seat Belt"
you have a long road ahead of you..

Keep on being that wonderful father to your kids.."HATS OFF TO YA, FOR THAT"
I dont hear too many stories where the father steps up to the plate. GOOD JOB!!!

Cant wait to hear the updates
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Old 05-05-2011, 11:18 PM
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Hope it goes well Jeep,

Listen I found it helpful to remember that the Rehab is the start of recovery. Its were they get the chance to get off their merry go round and acquire the tools.

From here she still has to drive it herself. Al Anon suggests we show encourangement and understanding. I found offering anything more than that was counter-productive with my wife. I made the mistake of getting into long conversations about recovery, it tempted me to get involved.

Know from other stories that the anger and resentment that an alcoholic carries and deals with in early recovery can by quite hard for them and you.

Yes looking after my own girls (only 2 and one practically an adult) was tough.

Unfortunately for my wife, coming home to the nest may have the represented the removal of the prior consequences and a sign that her drinking couldn't have been that bad as she perhaps perceived she had actually lost nothing, and so could continue with it.

You sound in a good place and from what you say she sounds like a fairly comitted person. You know some people do make it to sobriety!

Mind yourself.
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Old 05-06-2011, 06:35 AM
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I would just like to add, even if she does relapse at some point after coming back from rehab, now she has been exposed to many tools she can use in her recovery, so the next time she decides she wants to get sober, she already knows some directions she can take to get there.


Good luck!
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Old 05-06-2011, 07:08 AM
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Thumbs up

Hi Jeep.....your story is similar to my own cause I was
the wife and mom that went into rehab after a family
intervention was set up and spent 28 days there.

My husband and his family took on my roles to take care
of the household and our 2 kids who were 4 and 7 at that
time until I came home.

It was my husband who picked me up from rehab where
I was the one apprehensive because I was still harboring
hatred, resentments towards my husband and family for
what they did to me.

However, in time i learned what they did for me I surely
couldnt and wouldnt do for myself and that was to get help
to stop drinking that I so desperately needed at that time
in my life.

We were 8 yrs into our marriage when i got sober and
remain so for 20 yrs and when our 25 yr marriage ended
sad to say.

I feel like my family thought that just because I didnt drink
anymore that I would be cured. They just never understood
that it is more than that. For an alcoholic I went thru changes
in my behavior as well as mind, body and soul.

Unless my husband was an alcoholic, which he wasnt, then
he had no clue as to what an alcoholic really is. He did attend
Alanon for a few sessions to only pick up the word dettachment
and felt like that was enough to understand my changes.

Sure enough he didnt understand me nor my alcoholism and
recovery which was very important to me. I had to stay sober
for me and under all sort of family situations. and it wasnt easy,
yet my solid recovery program kept me grounded to cope and
help raise 2 awesome talented grounded loving caring adults as
they are today. No addictions. Thank God.

Today some 20 yrs later i am remarried happy joyous and free
still in recovery and open and honest which is extremely important
in a marriage or rerlationship.
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Old 05-06-2011, 08:15 AM
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I wish you a peaceful weekend, Jeep. Expectations are hard. I've found that I can have expectations, so long as they're for me. Not my AW.
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