Having a really rough time

Old 05-09-2011, 11:36 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by theuncertainty View Post
Rough weekend. XAH showed up on the doorstep and stood there until DS opened the door without ringing the doorbell. He came to the door instead of XFIL, who, recall is 'too old to get out of the car.' He was just going to take DS06 without a word. I didn't know he was there, so I nearly walked into him as I came upstairs. He stood in the open door and let my cat run out. He wouldn't step back from the door so I could chase Sasuke. When they got in the car to leave, they made it as far as the next-door neighbor's house, where XFIL got out of the car and walked up the driveway to the door there to talk to our neighbor.

Another rough day. Met with my lawyer and she said there wasn't enough for the court to consider changing anything. Not the visitation orders, not the no contact order. I walked into her office with a stack of e-mails and notes an inch thick. She said I could file a motion stating that XAH has violated the NC, but the judge would just yell at XAH for not following the order and nothing would change.

She said I 'started it' on one email exchange where XAH berated me for taking all his money and accusing me of being the reason he's only working part-time because I'd sent him the information on the medical bills - as I'm required by court order to do, and which he is required to pay 1/2 of, which of course, he's not. All I said in my e-mail to him, was here are the bills...

She also said not to use the police station as the exchange place because it would be hard/confusing/scary for DS. It apparently doesn't matter that XAH scares me. He hadn't physically hurt DS or me so it's unnecessary.

So it really feels like XAH gets to keep on getting away with his cr-p and there's nothing I can do.... Keep journalling....... yeah it did a lot of good this time....
I don't like the way your lawyer speaks to you.

I used to work as a civilian police department employee. I sat at the desk of the substation many a time when families came to exchange custody of the children. It was a common thing and it was done this way whether there had been physical abuse or not.

If it makes you more comfortable to do it there, then continue to do it there. It is your right to use the facility for this purpose.

If you can file a motion stating that your XAH violated the NC, then I think your lawyer sounds like she is attempting to predict the future by being so sure of the outcome. Maybe your XAH needs a good yelling at. Maybe something would change. Maybe something your lawyer can't psychically predict would happen. You have a lot of written evidence. Any judge worth his/her salt is going to take it into account.

Sometimes people don't want us inconveniencing them. My reaction to that is to persist with what I believe is necessary. That action sometimes irritates others. Their reactions are not my responsibility.

Best of luck to you, whatever your decision is. Go with what your heart and HP guide you to do.
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Old 05-10-2011, 01:56 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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My weekend SUCKED! Saturday I was totally happy, on Sunday got stalked by ex, ruined my day, and today I was just sad and depressed and didn't leave home, not even for the gym. Just sad and feeling indifferent and unmotivated and my apartment is a MESS.

SIGH!! This too shall pass!!!!!
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Old 05-10-2011, 01:59 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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The alcoholic ex stalked you?

Originally Posted by TakingCharge999 View Post
My weekend SUCKED! Saturday I was totally happy, on Sunday got stalked by ex, ruined my day, and today I was just sad and depressed and didn't leave home, not even for the gym. Just sad and feeling indifferent and unmotivated and my apartment is a MESS.

SIGH!! This too shall pass!!!!!
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Old 05-10-2011, 02:03 AM
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How are you feeling lately, JRG?

Originally Posted by JACKRUSSELLGIRL View Post
I so hear you. You think after we have finally made the decision that we will be fine and be able to move on. I am finding it is not that easy either. I had the same crying bout at work in my bosses office. Thank god she is so understanding and went through a divorce before.

Let's start a support group on getting through the ups and downs of our split from our A. I really feel it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in life and there is no manual with it either.



Hang in there sweetie and PM me whenever. I KNOW exactly how you are feeling.

:ghug3
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Old 05-10-2011, 02:07 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hi sandra!! no, thank God Alkie Ex has respected my request not to contact me again and I have not gone to the office. The least thing I need is to see or hear him. I can't stand him. Some days I am stronger though..

I got another ex after him but someone very very controlling, also a very good actor. But then on Sunday I met a friend and my therapist (my friend recommended this therapist) in an informal setting.

And I felt better but also uneasy.

Sometimes don't you feel some of your friends think you are sad and lonely and have not changed? I mean I guess I have given that impression but lately I have taken steps forward. Just because I don't contact her often does NOT mean I am at home crying!! SHEESH!! also she already has a baby so, I am trying to get friends my age now... I mean its nice and all but I feel older than I am sometimes... but she was saying I boycott myself and stay at home all the time and well, things I am aware of but am changing... anyway, something else I can't control.



I need friends that see who I am now.


Bottomline I am angry with myself as I treated ex well on Sat when he called then on Sun morning he called again in his usual controlling fashion and I got so tired of the whole drama. I realize how unfair that relation was. Sheesh.

I am thinking of changing my number. Unfortunately too broke to keep on with therapy right now!


Thanks for letting me vent here.

How are you doing? how is everyone else doing..?
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Old 05-10-2011, 02:25 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Oh wow-yes change your number if you can.

I am very up and down. I worked with my sponsor today 2.5 hours on the first step. Then i came home and had a mental breakdown. I have not stopped crying.

For some reason, it's like I can see the whole picture of what happened in the last few months, and it's hit me like a ton of bricks.

It's just hit me how manipulative and sociopathic my ex is/was. He's still with this ex, seeing her every weekend, and had presented it to me as nothing-no meaning whatsoever-and I know this is because, in the back of his devious mind, he thought he could keep his options open with me, and it feels so DISGUSTING to just see it for how it truly is, and to know I played my role in the whole thing. I feel sick. Truly sick. Everything he ever wrote me about love, and all those kind words-were meaningless. Just meaningless words to fool me into staying with him.

I can't beleive I wasted 3.5 yrs with this guy.

Originally Posted by TakingCharge999 View Post
Hi sandra!! no, thank God Alkie Ex has respected my request not to contact me again and I have not gone to the office. The least thing I need is to see or hear him. I can't stand him. Some days I am stronger though..

I got another ex after him but someone very very controlling, also a very good actor. But then on Sunday I met a friend and my therapist (my friend recommended this therapist) in an informal setting.

And I felt better but also uneasy.

Sometimes don't you feel some of your friends think you are sad and lonely and have not changed? I mean I guess I have given that impression but lately I have taken steps forward. Just because I don't contact her often does NOT mean I am at home crying!! SHEESH!! also she already has a baby so, I am trying to get friends my age now... I mean its nice and all but I feel older than I am sometimes... but she was saying I boycott myself and stay at home all the time and well, things I am aware of but am changing... anyway, something else I can't control.



I need friends that see who I am now.


Bottomline I am angry with myself as I treated ex well on Sat when he called then on Sun morning he called again in his usual controlling fashion and I got so tired of the whole drama. I realize how unfair that relation was. Sheesh.

I am thinking of changing my number. Unfortunately too broke to keep on with therapy right now!


Thanks for letting me vent here.

How are you doing? how is everyone else doing..?
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Old 05-10-2011, 02:37 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Ah the sickness... well, you are opening your eyes now.. .this will help you move forward.

With them its just pain and more pain. It never ends. I couldn't believe my eyes. I still can't believe it sometimes. Jekyll and Hyde.


Its ok to feel sick...... I prefer sick than sad... I prefer angry than sad.

Its not that much time... be glad there were no kids!

I have lost like 15 years going out with loser after loser.

It hurts to see our own decisions, choices, etc. but that is the first stage, acknowledgment........ its worse to continue living blindly.

I realize the huge emptiness in my life and it also makes me sad. But I can't cry. I am just numb today. Sheesh.

Hope you feel better soon!!!! we have each other, I am so grateful for this site.
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Old 05-10-2011, 04:00 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MeredithD1 View Post
If you can file a motion stating that your XAH violated the NC, then I think your lawyer sounds like she is attempting to predict the future by being so sure of the outcome. Maybe your XAH needs a good yelling at. Maybe something would change. Maybe something your lawyer can't psychically predict would happen. You have a lot of written evidence. Any judge worth his/her salt is going to take it into account.
theuncertainty,
I am going to agree with Meredith here.
What's to say you can't file a motion anyway? The court told you to provide the information about the bills - surely a judge would see that, even if your lawyer cannot. Sure, you broke contact, but how else would he get the information? You didn't egg him on or anything.

Perhaps the lawyer was triggered by a past experience, and is looking at that experience, rather than your situation?
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