Divorce Papers & Still In Denial..Ugggg

Old 05-03-2011, 07:54 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Divorce Papers & Still In Denial..Ugggg

Told the AH divorce papers are now up & running & he will
see papers soon.
(FYI: Out of State divorces, are not cheap)

We can make a clean cut and go about our own ways.

OMG his text goes from totally pissed off words to "I love you and miss you"
and I worry about you & your son everyday...

All I could say is: This is not healthy for me, and why didnt you
think about that before you went and bought another bottle of vodka.
Why are you waiting till now to worry? I am done...

He thinks I need to see a shrink. He doesnt have a problem with alcohol.
He says he is sober. And what did he ever to do, to deserve this?

Then his last words: Well, atleast now you can have relationship with
your granddaughter....
(OH..not my daughter..just my granddaughter, he shows hate against
my daughter, thinking she caused this)

Do they ever get it???
Maybe someday, when he gets into a recovery program & follows it huh?
Sad, that he is losing everything and cant see the light....
BobbyJ is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to BobbyJ For This Useful Post:
StarCat (05-04-2011), Tuffgirl (05-03-2011), wanttobehealthy (05-04-2011)
Old 05-03-2011, 08:09 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
lillamy's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
Quack quack quack...

Good for you! His reaction is just to be expected. My X was incredulous that I would not take him back and be there and support him when he checked into rehab. (Because the fact that he threatened to kill us all in his last drunken stupor there, that really wasn't such a big deal... )

You are doing what is healthy for you, and for that, you should be applauded. (And instate divorces aren't cheap either. But you know what they say, right? You know why divorces are so expensive? BECAUSE THEY'RE WORTH IT.)
lillamy is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
BobbyJ (05-03-2011), bookwyrm (05-05-2011), StarCat (05-04-2011), Tuffgirl (05-03-2011)
Old 05-03-2011, 10:34 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Tuffgirl's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4
What lillamy said.

And, he may never get it. NEVER. Do you want to wait around that long?

Or he may someday and you two get back together. That also happens.

But today, he is in such serious denial that there is no hope. What choice do you have? have lots...but what do you want your life to look like, based on what it is right now?

You are doing better than you think...hang in there, BobbyJ!
Tuffgirl is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Tuffgirl For This Useful Post:
BobbyJ (05-03-2011)
Old 05-03-2011, 11:08 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Yep, you ladies are right...

Denial and No Program.....Thank You, But NOT For Me...

First is me, then my daughter...

(He has been #1 for too many years)

With everything that I have heard last week from my daughter

It will never work between us...

The bar story that she told me, matched up to 5 other guys.
My AH still denys it...
He said 1 drink, she said 4 drinks. He said No Fight, she said Big Fight
He said no hands around the waist, she said Yes hands around the waist.

DENIAL at its finest..
Did you forget...
He moved away, so hes not an alcoholic anymore....

For Crap Sakes....

It just makes me sick & very sad. All the time & money we put into this..uggg

Denial, what a evil word...
BobbyJ is offline  
Old 05-04-2011, 04:23 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
GettingBy's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
My AH did all the same things. Get mad and make all sorts of threats, then beg and plead for me to not do it... then offer up marriage counseling when he got served the papers...

Now he's just ignoring me and treating me like I don't exist in the house! He's been dragging his feet on getting a response together tomorrow is his last day to Answer - so I got a nasty email yesterday telling me that his time is running out and I haven't gotten him any money for a lawyer yet!!! Good god... his helpless will never end.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other... ignore his stuff... and your strength and resolve WILL grow.
GettingBy is offline  
Old 05-04-2011, 04:34 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Getting those mixed messages- I love you, I hate you, etc is hard to take isn't it...

Good for you for putting you and your daughter first! Like you my AH was #1 King Baby for waaaay too long and our D's 5 and 3 paid the price for that. Never again.

I laughed at your remark that he thinks "I moved away so now I'm not an alcoholic"... because it's like my AH's remarks over the years that he just happened to decide he wanted to sleep in his classroom on any given night, but it wasn't bc he was drinking bc he was sober... SURE!

One foot in front of the other- you're doing great!
wanttobehealthy is offline  
Old 05-04-2011, 06:51 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
nodaybut2day's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Now is the time to do this and go about your business.

If you need a picture to remind yourself, here's one that always made me laugh:

nodaybut2day is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to nodaybut2day For This Useful Post:
bookwyrm (05-05-2011), desertgirl (05-04-2011), GettingBy (05-04-2011), Ponder (05-04-2011), RollTide (05-04-2011), seekingcalm (05-04-2011), sirpher (05-04-2011), StarCat (05-04-2011), Tuffgirl (05-04-2011), wanttobehealthy (05-04-2011), wicked (05-04-2011)
Old 05-04-2011, 07:30 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Tuffgirl's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4

Noday - that's HILARIOUS! Thanks...I needed the laugh this morning!

BobbyJ, put yourself first and do what you feel is right for you. Think about it...talking with him upsets you so much. Does that feel right? Try not talking to him for a week and see how you feel. Are you upset at the end? Guilty? Relieved? Peaceful?

I like what wanttobehealthy says - the mixed messages are the hardest. I can't stand it when I get those. That's the crazy making stuff...
Tuffgirl is offline  
Old 05-04-2011, 07:54 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 302
My divorce has been final for 6 months, and I still don't think he gets it. Minimal contact is the way to go.

Life is SO much better. My divorce was worth every penny (and I just wrote the final check to pay his lawyer the other day. And didn't mind.)
DMC is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DMC For This Useful Post:
GettingBy (05-04-2011), RollTide (05-04-2011)
Old 05-04-2011, 09:00 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Palatine IL
Posts: 57
Strange, i think noday just got a picture of me while trying to listen to the STBXW.

My divorce started in 2009 and through fits and starts (her and mine reluctance to work through issues), is finally going full steam ahead and she has been in denial the whole time and I am realizing that she will be in denial beyond the day the divorce is final.
sirpher is offline  
Old 05-04-2011, 09:13 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
he may never get it

this is what we have to detach from.

good work, and keep your eyes looking forward!
Buffalo66 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:32 PM.