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Old 05-02-2011, 09:45 PM
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Unexpected

My AH came by Saturday to work on a few things in the house. When I got home late that night my son was asleep- or passed out. I was not sure. I texted husband to call me. He is having phone problems and just got called me back-I do believe him. I did not bring up our son. I asked about what had been done, what else had to be done and thanked him for coming by to take care of things. My husband was very anxious because his phone still is not working, he has 2 exams coming up and he is behind in his work. He said that he is having trouble concentrating and making himself sit down to do the work. What the hell else is he doing? He is living in an apt with no TV, no computer and no yardwork to do? I said that I knew how hard it was to focus and just make yourself do things but that he was an intelligent logical person and he could cover the material and do well if he could get past that. He feels stupid. He is not.
After finding the vodka bottles in the basement again this weekend I just had to ask him if they were his or our son's. I said I needed to ask him a question. I did not want to be confrontational and that I understood if he did not want to answer.
He said he knew that he had bottles hidden in the basement, that they were old and did not think certain brands I mentioned were his.
No confrontation. Not total denial.
He suggested I throw them all out and see if new ones showed up.
I said I was not cleaning up any one else's alcohol anymore.
He sounded a little annoyed but said that he would clean it up when he stopped by to finish the jobs.
It was so simple yet I did not think about it.
I was not expecting that. I never would have thought to ask him to do that.
He would have seen it as a "demand".
I thanked him for the offer and that it would make it so that I did not have to do something that would trigger resentment.

I feel good about the interaction even though I could no longer hold back from asking the question of who's bottles they were. I said I knew it did not really matter but I just had to ask. He offered to do something so that I would not have to. He was honest. We did not lash out at each other.
Now I realize it may be a while before he gets to those bottles. It feels like I am making progress.

However it does make me question who my husband really is. He was drinking vodka and hiding bottles in the basement. How was I so duped?

I am wondering if my husband's realization that he is having trouble focusing is another drop to the bottom.

Yeah, I know I should be thinking about myself.
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Old 05-03-2011, 06:30 AM
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It's difficult to completely remove ourselves from the drama.
You're getting sucked in less, though, which is a great start.

Yes, you asked about the bottles, but you didn't confront, there was no argument, and you stood your ground about not cleaning up other people's bottles.

Baby steps.
Sounds like you're doing good.
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