sillysquirrel

I have begun talking to "R"AH about separating for awhile. I just can't stand being around him and his constant anger! He is refusing to separate, saying we either stay together (bleh) or we get divorced! This is so like him. Everything is either black or white. Anyway, I guess we get divorced then, I tell him. He is refusing to leave. He has a place to stay, but he won't go. He also claims he does not want the house but is insisting that we must put it up for sale and split the money. I don't want to sell. The kids don't want to move. I love my home and I can afford it without him...I think. He says the only fair thing to do is to sell because he has put a lot of time into our house (NOT...we hired someone to build it....he can't even fix a leaky faucet). So, it is apparent to me that he just wants his share of the money out of the house. My concern is for the children. I feel that a divorce is hard enough. If I can keep their home, that will be one less traumatic event for them to have to endure. Anyone know what I am entitled to? I did meet with a lawyer a couple years ago and if my memory serves me correctly, he said I could stay in the home until our youngest got to be a certain age and not until that time would I have to pay my husband off. I don't remember the specifics though.

He is driving me crazy. I calmly told him today that I need to get away from him. I just can't be in his presence. He is like a ticking time bomb that I am walking on eggshells around hoping he doesn't blow!

LaTeeDa

Nobody here can give you legal advice. Divorce laws are complex and vary from state to state. Sounds like it might be time to go back to that attorney...

L

lillamy

Get yourself a lawyer. (((hugs)))

blueblooms14

Consider working with a financial planner specializing in divorce or a collaborative law financial specialist. I'd go there before going to a family law attorney because they can analyze your finances, make projections, and show you what is likely or wise under different financial scenarios. Imo, most family lawyers don't excel at financial analysis.

Fandy

you might want to interview a couple of lawyers to find the right fit. You want someone to protect your and your children's interests and get the fair amount of child support....based on his salary.

you also need to keep an eye on any joint finances....my X cleaned out our joint bank account and i never saw that $$ again....it somehow got lost.....on gambling...so he said, then i found a bank book in his MOTHER's name.

sillysquirrel

Next question....

My income varies. I can make it appear quite low or I can bump it up depending on how much time I spend working. Just wondering if I will be shooting myself in the foot if I have a good year financially. How far back do they look at your finances when deciding child support?? My instinct right now is to make some money....since he is not contributing his fair share any longer....but I don't want to lock myself in to having to make that much if they base child support on this year only. Am I better off just draining the savings since that is to be split evenly between us when divorce time comes?

suki44883

Again, these are questions for a professional. All states are different and we can't possibly know the laws in your state. Please see an attorney for the answers to your questions.

Tuffgirl

I can only second what everyone else has said here - laws between states vary so much its hard to predict what you are entitled to and what you aren't. I can say with confidence that seeing an attorney (or several; highly recommend a second and third opinion) is a great first step toward freedom. Having the knowledge to answer your own questions is very empowering. You might be surprised what happens next.

I didn't think I could buy a house right now. My parents encouraged me to go talk to the bank - what harm is just talking, right? Then at least you'll know where you stand. So I did, and a few months later here I am in my new house. And I only cried once in his office. Ha ha!

Make the call - find out what your rights are. It doesn't mean you have to DO anything...just gathering facts.

Thumper

My states website has some things on-line, like the child support calculator. You could check there for some bare bones info but I agree with pp's and talking to a lawyer is the first step.

BobbyJ

I went to the lawyer today. She guided me thru my choices pertaining to the house.

They are there to help protect you today and in your future...

It doesnt matter what he says or thinks...GET A LAWYER!!

Shellcrusher

Yep. Get a lawyer. Lots of questions can be answered.

MsPINKAcres

I can not SECOND the get a lawyer fast enough to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BELIEVE ME - no matter what happens you probably need to know where you stand legally.

You are dealing with an alcoholic/addict - a person that you can not rely on to be fully trust worthy, to be fully honest and to be fully reliable. There needs to be someone looking out for YOUR best interest - for your children's best interest - An Attorney is trained to do this. He/She is able to not have the emotional interest that sometimes keeps us from doing what is the wisest and healthiest thing for us.

The word or advice on the street does not hold water in a court of law ~ We owe ourselves the respect and dignity to at least be informed before we make the decision. No one is saying you have to FILE divorce or Divide the assets - You may just want to see information so you will know where you stand in your situation.

PINK HUGS to you,
Rita

MyBetterWorld

In my state, the child support amount doesn't depend on what I make, just what he makes. You can call your county's social service department, they can tell you that.

wanttobehealthy

The get a lawyer advice has already been given so I just wanted to add that talking to him any further is likely to just get you more upset.

I doubt very much he cares about whether the house sells or not, whether it's a separation or divorce-- I think he's trying everything he can to get you to back down and give up and stick with the status quo.

My "R"AH makes lots of threats (not toward me but about how he'll hire this and that lawyer and get custody etc...) but given his track record of following through, I've stopped worrying so much about them. They're scare tactics and they've worked to get me to stay for a long time... Good for you for going fwd.

I hope you find a good lawyer-- I'd def interview them and find someone who a) isn't an alcoholic themself (I am pretty sure my lawyer I just fired was) and b) knows something about alcoholism... I've met with 2 since last week and have another appt this week and am screening whomever I hire carefully... I made the mistake of NOT doing that the first time around...