Cat123

We have to move, RAH has only been out of rehab @ a month. Only sober since mid-Feb. There is an apt. in town available. There is a very well priced available further away. The apt. would mean less money going out every month because of a lesser commute. It would cost an extra @700 to be in the house. Logic says rent and live closer. Emotions want the house. But then I am worried he is so new to sobriety he could relapse and then what.
I guess what I am asking, even if the price was the same - which option would you go for if you had to move when you have a newly RAH?
(If it makes a difference in opinion, I would want to leave him if he relapsed)

Thumper

The one you could afford on your own.

Is one closer to meetings or old friends or something? I'm not clear on how his recent recovery factors in.

wanttobehealthy

if you are certain of that, then live in the one that you can afford on your own- or if you really want the house, come up with a contingency plan (a friend who needs a place too who could move in if you kick H out or a plan to find a renter to share space in the house if need be?)

it sounds like you are in that tough spot of intellectually knowing what makes most sense but emotionally wanting something else.... been there-- in fact kind of am right now... do what you know makes the most sense even if it feels sucky.

Cat123

Sorry, I was not clear in my original post. I meant we could rent an apt. or buy a house. Since buying is a big purchase, I was uncertain if that would be a mistake since he is new to sobriety. Maybe it is better to give it a year and rent and see what happens? Like Anvil said if he relapses it won't be because of where we live, but it will make a difference in how difficult it is to get out of the situation.

Thank you for all the advice, I can see the one I can afford on my own is the best.

Buffalo66

They say to addicts in recovery to not make any big life decisions for (i am not sure how long...6 months? A year?)

In any case, I had my RAH come home to live with us, and within 4 months it was unbearable. He is physically sober, but his behavior too erratic to cope with and stay healthy.

He now lives alone, and is still working on EVERYTHING. As he put it this weekend,

" I am brand new. I feel like I just got here. I have to relearn things. Its like I am a newborn."

Hes not kidding. HE has to ask questions about what to do in simple situations. That is work for a sponsor. He doesnt have one.

I would really give this deep consideration, because you dont want to find your self buying a house with what is essentially a teenager.

And relapse is slippery and a wide spectrum. He could just do the same old stuff without the alcohol. This is too new...go with the less permanent dynamic, and keep your eyes open to what really changes.

you can do this WHILE being supportive and loving.
Just have your boundaries clear, and not up for debate.