Alone22

Don't you just hate when you can feel the bad mood in the air. You are sitting, minding your own business, but yet every word that comes out of your A is a baiting comment. Nothing out right in your face, just a little poke. I have been doing so good at ignoring it lately but for whatever reason opened my mouth and out flew " you seem a little grumpy. Did I do something?" DUH. What I got in return was "just the same stuff, doesn't ever change". Oh well that explains it, thanks! Thankfully I am learning and quickly dropped the conversation with him. He was on his way to the store... I guess he needed a reason to pick up something to drink and trying to pick an argument with me was what he felt he needed to do.

Detach, detach, detach. Nothing I can do if he chooses to drink. I did nothing wrong, and if I possibly said anything that was not perfect it would never justify his attitude towards me.

Aww better... just needed to get it off my mind. Now I can get back to enjoying my evening... well at least I can try!

ItsmeAlice

I can sooooo relate

Being someone's booze excuse gets so obvious and so so very lame.
Gets to the point where they seem to stare at you waiting for just the right look, breathing, gas passed, or whatever to jump up and run out to drink.
I admit sadly there were times I played into it just to get him out of the house.
Sneaky and mean, yes.

Good for you for stopping the convo and moving on. Enjoy your evening!!

Alice

Alone22

I am peacefully sitting outside with my laptop enjoying the night air and watching my girls play in the spa. The dogs are around me, showing me how much they love me and my teenage son has some friends over and they are playing a game. I am calm and I am so happy to be where I am right now. Alanon and my T have really helped me to get to this place. I am grateful.

Ponder

It's different but yet the same at my house.. I don't have the baiting comments. ABF, just gets real quiet, sits, stares and broods, all the while playing music on his computer. ugh, I can just "feel" the yuckiness in the air.

Linkmeister

Been there, done that so many times both in person and on the phone.

Like Alice says-they wait for ANY excuse to blame you, will say or do anything to bait you, kind of like a tiger waiting to pounce on prey.

Detach, detach, detach, remember the 3 C's, repeat the Serenity Prayer, move on to something more enjoyable.....like you're doing now, enjoying your girls, your dogs and the night air!

lillamy

Thank you for posting about this. I needed a reminder of what it used to be like tonight. I needed to remember how everything changed when the kids and I heard his key in the door. Everyone jumped up and started looking busy. And the dark cloud descended over the house. The Eggshell Walking commenced.

Good for you for being able to detach from it and find your serenity.

Linkmeister

I felt like I lived in a hen house instead of an apartment for all of the eggshells I walked across. Yup, the key in the door, the knot in the stomach, the muscles tense up, even the dog sensed the change and beat a hasty retreat.

Tuffgirl

No kidding...I remember pulling up to the house after work and feeling serious anxiety if he had beat me home. I never knew what I would be walking in to. It is such an amazing feeling to enjoy coming home now...to look forward to it! To know what to expect.

Once, I kicked him out of his home office and sat at his computer, drinking and playing sad music REALLY LOUD - like he did. After about two hours, he came in FURIOUS at me for being so selfish and annoying. I still laugh inside at that one. He never got it...

Linkmeister

My EX used to do that-I could gauge his degree of intoxication by the type of music he played and how loud it was. He used to do it after I went to bed, knowing how much it would annoy me.

I did the same one morning when he was particularly hungover - I blasted "hurtin'" country music at him (keep in mind, I have a powerful set of computer speakers & subwoofer and he HATES any kind of country music) when he was at his computer - he got up, walked out of the place and didn't come back for the better part of the day...........just posting about it brings a smile back to me.