forgotten1

All of our relentless need to fix a solution is a POSITIVE trait--we just applied it to the wrong problem. Just think what would happen if we put all of the decades of energy we've been putting in into "real world" problems--i bet we'd have cured some disease or figured out how to feed the hungry.

In my experience, my need to solve problems (i.e. my going into Med School) was coupled with my admiration for people like Socrates or Jesus or Mother Theresa (examples of pure LOVE and Virtue and those that sacrifice for their beliefs), and ever since I was a child--that was me... trying to "save" the world, save some sort of animal, save the ocean, save the forest, etc etc. I am a problem solver.

I remember during one of our break-ups, I was wondering "what to do" and I had this VERY VERY vivid dream where clouds were opening up and God extended a hand and told me to take it... that I'd be in happiness and peace if I just went... but in my dream, I looked back and saw my A... and I actually told God that I wanted to stick around because I wanted to walk through this opening (into peace and happiness) WITH my [then] ABF. This stupid dream kept me within the relationship for 6 more months. I thought it reflected how much LOVE i had... and how my love was going to "save" him and we'd walk through to find peace and happiness together.

Reading more and more in this board is making me realize how stupid i was for "turning down God's offer of peace" in my dream... and that I actually thought it was virtuous of me to "wait" for my ABF to go with me. So far, I haven't gotten a dream where God told me I was an idiot for doing that... all is forgiven, lol.

Jadmack25

I too went to Alanon to "fix" my abf, and felt like yelling "get on to the real stuff, like how to stop him drinking." Nearly freaked when I was advised to come at least 5 more times, as I wanted it finished NOW.

15 years later I realise it will never be fixed or finished as he is an A for life, and I can but take it that one day at a time. He is sober and in recovery now, and a pleasure to be with, but that cursed addiction is still lurking, waiting for the chance to grab him.

I can only keep him in my prayers, hear him when he needs to talk out his feelings and enjoy what we have NOW, and not worrying about what the future holds.