therapist visit
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Originally Posted by LaTeeDa 
It's not about you, heck I doubt they even think about us when they do hurtful stuff. They just do what they do. I don't think hurting me ever crossed my AH's mind. He was oblivious to everyone but himself.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
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when my niece was ocassionally treated poorly at her foster home, i always told her the same thing:
when someone is abusive, it is ALWAYS about them, and NEVER about the victim.
i do like anvil's suggestion. we do need to look at ourselves, our own behaviors, and take ownership of them. however, that doesn't mean we deserved to be treated badly. (there's a difference between abusive treatment and simply expressing disappointment or anger)
glad you're doing better.
when someone is abusive, it is ALWAYS about them, and NEVER about the victim.
i do like anvil's suggestion. we do need to look at ourselves, our own behaviors, and take ownership of them. however, that doesn't mean we deserved to be treated badly. (there's a difference between abusive treatment and simply expressing disappointment or anger)
glad you're doing better.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
I'm curious what you don't like.
What I don't feel comfortable with, is him telling me what he talked about with my ex...he was actually my ex's therapist, initially.
When I first wanted me and my ex to get therapy together for the drinking issues, last year, we went to him.
One thing I didn't like about my last visit is he mentioned putting me on meds for OCD..I can't take ANY psych meds after a drug reaction I had 5 years ago, nor would I want to. I hate them.
What I don't feel comfortable with, is him telling me what he talked about with my ex...he was actually my ex's therapist, initially.
When I first wanted me and my ex to get therapy together for the drinking issues, last year, we went to him.
One thing I didn't like about my last visit is he mentioned putting me on meds for OCD..I can't take ANY psych meds after a drug reaction I had 5 years ago, nor would I want to. I hate them.
Originally Posted by coffeedrinker
and also - just thought of this - i don't know your current therapist....but based on this little bit i read, i don't like him.
i'm glad you're seeking the old one who worked well for you.
i'm glad you're seeking the old one who worked well for you.
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well, you said he told you you were "OCD" about your boyfriend.
huh?
i don't think the disorder works like that. i mean, us lay people might say, "oh i'm SO ocd when it comes to this or that" but we don't mean it in a diagnostic way. it IS an actual mental disorder, contained in the dsm. your shrink surely knows this.
i think the thing about him telling you what the ex says can be ok, meaning that if he has the other client's permission. there are very clear boundaries with these therapuetic relationships - i don't know if he's crossing one here.
the other thing i bristled just a bit at, is the notion that the boyfriend is addicted to alcohol and probably an alcoholic.
i know my tendency is to slap a label on a person in about 1.5 seconds and i'm certainly not saying i know if he is or is not....but, again..... huh?
huh?
i don't think the disorder works like that. i mean, us lay people might say, "oh i'm SO ocd when it comes to this or that" but we don't mean it in a diagnostic way. it IS an actual mental disorder, contained in the dsm. your shrink surely knows this.
i think the thing about him telling you what the ex says can be ok, meaning that if he has the other client's permission. there are very clear boundaries with these therapuetic relationships - i don't know if he's crossing one here.
the other thing i bristled just a bit at, is the notion that the boyfriend is addicted to alcohol and probably an alcoholic.
i know my tendency is to slap a label on a person in about 1.5 seconds and i'm certainly not saying i know if he is or is not....but, again..... huh?
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Join Date: May 2008
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Well, what's interesting is that I've heard so many others on this forum say that they were "obsessed" with the alcoholic, and even during and after a breakup...just trying to get over the anger. I think a relationship with an alcoholic causes actual emotional trauma, but that's just my uneducated opinion.
I'm not sure this is OCD.
As for the labeling thing, do you mean, he shouldn't be labeling my ex as an alcoholic? OR did he not go far enough--what he said came across to me as speculation.
Anyway, it will be interesting if I can get in to see the woman who treated me before. My exh always went to therapy sessions with me, and I was on some horrible horrible psych drug that eventually landed me in the hospital...so, I was really only half THERE for the sessions, but I always took copious notes. In looking back on some of my notes, it's ASTOUNDING the cr*p my exh said in our sessions. He made them all about HIM in a lot of ways-how abandoned he felt because I was sick..he even said I was "defective" and he didn't want to have kids with me...simply because I suffered from an anxiety disorder at the time.
No wonder I ended up with an alcoholic, eh? I'm sure on some level I registered all of that in my subconscious.
Now, 6 yrs later, I want to tell her that I appreciate everything she was trying to impart on me, back then, but I did not have the presence of mind to learn it. Now I do. And to see what she thought about the things my exh used to say in sessions with us.
I'm not sure this is OCD.
As for the labeling thing, do you mean, he shouldn't be labeling my ex as an alcoholic? OR did he not go far enough--what he said came across to me as speculation.
Anyway, it will be interesting if I can get in to see the woman who treated me before. My exh always went to therapy sessions with me, and I was on some horrible horrible psych drug that eventually landed me in the hospital...so, I was really only half THERE for the sessions, but I always took copious notes. In looking back on some of my notes, it's ASTOUNDING the cr*p my exh said in our sessions. He made them all about HIM in a lot of ways-how abandoned he felt because I was sick..he even said I was "defective" and he didn't want to have kids with me...simply because I suffered from an anxiety disorder at the time.
No wonder I ended up with an alcoholic, eh? I'm sure on some level I registered all of that in my subconscious.
Now, 6 yrs later, I want to tell her that I appreciate everything she was trying to impart on me, back then, but I did not have the presence of mind to learn it. Now I do. And to see what she thought about the things my exh used to say in sessions with us.
Originally Posted by coffeedrinker
well, you said he told you you were "OCD" about your boyfriend.
huh?
i don't think the disorder works like that. i mean, us lay people might say, "oh i'm SO ocd when it comes to this or that" but we don't mean it in a diagnostic way. it IS an actual mental disorder, contained in the dsm. your shrink surely knows this.
i think the thing about him telling you what the ex says can be ok, meaning that if he has the other client's permission. there are very clear boundaries with these therapuetic relationships - i don't know if he's crossing one here.
the other thing i bristled just a bit at, is the notion that the boyfriend is addicted to alcohol and probably an alcoholic.
i know my tendency is to slap a label on a person in about 1.5 seconds and i'm certainly not saying i know if he is or is not....but, again..... huh?
huh?
i don't think the disorder works like that. i mean, us lay people might say, "oh i'm SO ocd when it comes to this or that" but we don't mean it in a diagnostic way. it IS an actual mental disorder, contained in the dsm. your shrink surely knows this.
i think the thing about him telling you what the ex says can be ok, meaning that if he has the other client's permission. there are very clear boundaries with these therapuetic relationships - i don't know if he's crossing one here.
the other thing i bristled just a bit at, is the notion that the boyfriend is addicted to alcohol and probably an alcoholic.
i know my tendency is to slap a label on a person in about 1.5 seconds and i'm certainly not saying i know if he is or is not....but, again..... huh?
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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i'm not sure, sandra, it just seemed unprofessionaly that he said "addicted to alcohol" but not sure about being an alcoholic? i just mean, "what does that mean anyway?" never mind, not a big deal.
and yes, i think we definitely become obsessed with our addicts....that's why we come here. but "OCD" is a diagnosis of an actual disorder.
and yes, i think we definitely become obsessed with our addicts....that's why we come here. but "OCD" is a diagnosis of an actual disorder.
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