LovetoLaugh

I found out Monday that my sister has breast cancer. She's in her late 30's and just got married to a great guy about 2 years ago. We were all so thrilled when she found her husband because the one thing my sister was sure of was that she wanted children.

Almost immediately following her wedding she got pregnant which unfortunately resulted in a miscarraige. Her husband then became seriously ill and has had multiple surgeries and only recently was well enough to return to work. And now they must face this! The doctors have told her they must treat it very aggressively with chemo and radiation after surgery. They also told her that due to her age and the treatment its probable that she will not be able to have a child.

I'm so sad for her! It breaks my heart to think of what she has ahead of her. Unfortunately we have a history in my family and have been through this with both my mother and grandmother. I know she'll get through this but she is somebody who has done everything right and I'm angry that she can't get a break.

The anger over this has brought out so much rage directed at myself and HIM.

I'm Angry that I wasted 3 more years of my life on HIM. Angry that I allowed myself to be mistreated. Angry that I put his needs before my own. Angry because I knew better intellectually. Angry that I allowed my daughter to witness this train wreck (shes an adult but she shouldn't have had to endure seeing this behavior). Angry for all the things I've put up with due to his addiction. Angry that my sister has no choice but to face her reality and deal with this while he can pop a pill and deny his.

With this I've realized that I don't ever allow myself to feel angry, its a very uncomfortable emotion for me. I tend to be the "peacemaker" the "mediator", the one who worries what everyone else is feeling and will go to any lengths to ensure their comfort at my own epense.

I apologize if I'm babbling, I guess this week has just opened a floodgate of stuff for me and I'm trying to process it.

suki44883

((((HUGS)))) You need some hugs. Don't feel badly because you recognize anger. Everyone feels anger at some point. Go ahead and feel it for a while. Just don't dwell on it. It just might help you deal with some things that need dealt with. Anger can be a great motivator.

duqld1717

I'm sorry you are feeling so angry right now. You have every right to feel angry. You just happened to love someone that couldn't love you back as much as you loved them. You gave your blood sweat and tears and he didn't. That is hard to accept. Believe me, I know that feeling. But, its not your fault. His addiction has too strong of a hold on him. Better days are ahead because now you are free to find someone who will love you no matter what!

artygirl

I'm so sorry abut your sister. Life seems so unfair sometimes. I don't know your story about HIM. I am new here but I can only say what others have been telling me. Please take care of yourself first and then you can focus on those that are important in your life like your sister and your daughter. I believe that all of the things we endure in our life make us stronger so we can forge ahead...

I just have to remind myself of that also.

Big hugs....

Alone22

Please tell your sister to look into having her eggs/ovaries frozen before she starts treatment. Last I heard on this they were making huge strides in being able to do that. Once she is done with treatment and healthy again they maybe able to have children using those saved eggs.

I am so sorry to hear about your sister. Breast cancer runs in my family too. If you haven't done so yet you may want to look into getting genetically tested to see if you carry the gene that dramatically increases your chance.

Life is just so unfair at time! Hugs

StarCat

This happened to my Aunt. She got breast cancer shortly after getting married, and can now never have children.
She has become very active in Breast Cancer Awareness, as a result. She is also helping to found a Dragon Boat team composed entirely of breast cancer survivors.
She is very happy, and I am so happy for her.

I wish nobody ever got Breast Cancer.
That said, it is survivable.
The gene runs in my family as well, my mother has also had it (had a mastectomy), and had the test for the gene.


I second Alone22's suggestion. Looking into options so that she could still have children is never a bad thing.

TakingCharge999

((((HUGS)))))

I wish you and your family the best. I am glad you are there for your sister.
Please take care of yourself, remember the HALT rule.