frances2011

My sibling is in crisis because her spouse is an addict.

I've been reading a lot here. Lots of the stories about how addicts lie and blameshift are chillingly familiar.

I am helping by listening, suggesting and have offered resources ($$, space) that are within the bounds of my self-care/sobriety plan.

I can't save her, rescue, fix her today. But that's what I always tried to do when we were kids.

I am confused about the boundaries between my own self-care, my sobriety and what a "good sister" should do to help.

Can I have a hug?

wanttobehealthy

You sound like a caring sibling who is offering help but within limits. Hopefully your sister will decide to fix herself and all you can do (I think) is let her know you love her and be there as much or as little as is comfortable for you.

I was the fixer in my family too. Tried to make sure everyone else felt okay and felt that doing so was the only way to show that I was a good person (of course, even in doing so I still was told I wasn't good enough so it was a constant exercise in futility). It's a HARD habit to break and I feel twinges of "I'm not being caring enough" when I focus on me instead of worrying about my siblings constantly. But the more I do it, the better I feel and the easier it is.

From what you write I think that you are being very caring and smart about offering help within the limits of your own self care.

Here's a hug!

sandrawg

{HUGS}

I have 2 sisters who married multiple alcoholics. There came a point where I got tired of hearing the complaining with no action to leave the situation. Is your sister going to al-anon meetings?

I would say that when the care for your sister begins to consume your own need for self-care, or you do something for her that puts yourself at risk rather financially, or health-wise, you've gone too far. That's just my opinion.

frances2011

Thanks for sharing your thoughts WTBH and Sandra and for the hugs.

LORD, family boundaries are hard for me.

Sandra, no, she's not. This broke a week ago. I gave her this site as a resource. There is not an Al-Anon meeting within 100 miles of her current home. Very rural.

She's getting to a counselor as soon as she can.

Any support thoughts for isolated rural spouses?

barb dwyer

yep!

sandrawg

This site, and the al-anon family group forum, which has online meetings on a regular basis:

Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Learn2Live

(((hugs))) frances.

frances2011

Thanks for the link and hugs, y'all are wonderful.
I am grateful