Seeing things through our own filters...
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
I know this wasn't the point of your whole post, but I appreciate you saying this.
I'm still stuck in the "trying to accept" phase.
I'm still stuck in the "trying to accept" phase.
Originally Posted by LaTeeDa 
And speaking of letting go—I find the three A’s to be one of the truest and most useful Alanon tools. Awareness-->Acceptance-->Action. These are progressive steps that must happen in the order presented to be effective. I’ve, seen over the years, many people (myself included) attempt to go straight from Awareness to Action. Why? Because Acceptance is IMO the most difficult part of recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Ok, I don't think I'm one of the people your discontent has been directed at, and i'm unaware of what all the controvery is..but this sentence you keep repeating REALLY sticks out in my mind.
At risk of getting into the middle of a firestorm, the one way I can think of when you ask "how do you not ALLOW child abuse" is to actually remove the child from the abusive environment. No ifs ands or buts.
At risk of getting into the middle of a firestorm, the one way I can think of when you ask "how do you not ALLOW child abuse" is to actually remove the child from the abusive environment. No ifs ands or buts.
Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy
Again, if you have advice about how to not ALLOW child abuse (caps your emphasis) please tell me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by sandrawg
I know this wasn't the point of your whole post, but I appreciate you saying this.
I'm still stuck in the "trying to accept" phase.
I'm still stuck in the "trying to accept" phase.
Yeah, I think I'll be working on that the rest of my life, too.
L
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Wow. I cannot believe this is still going on.
Its exhausting to read.
WTBH is definitely not the only one who is touchy here...
I did read those threads and it did seem like there was a bandwagon going on.
But, why is this still being discussed at all?
Last night, there were all kinds of posts about how this is all help, and people can step away, and etc.
It is hard to hear that someone else is on a different level of the spiral upward, on a different layer of the onion of learning...
Its much harder to learn from them if they are spouting all this zero tolerance, and, really, if you are triggered, just make a simple statement and log onto a different thread.
This woman has a court date, kids, a manpulative H, I just dont know where all the arguing is going to go, but it doesnt seem like its going to help HER realize something, or lessen her stress and anxiety about testifying against someone who ABUSED her.
There is a sticky about how to communicate with abused people isnt there?
Its exhausting to read.
WTBH is definitely not the only one who is touchy here...
I did read those threads and it did seem like there was a bandwagon going on.
But, why is this still being discussed at all?
Last night, there were all kinds of posts about how this is all help, and people can step away, and etc.
It is hard to hear that someone else is on a different level of the spiral upward, on a different layer of the onion of learning...
Its much harder to learn from them if they are spouting all this zero tolerance, and, really, if you are triggered, just make a simple statement and log onto a different thread.
This woman has a court date, kids, a manpulative H, I just dont know where all the arguing is going to go, but it doesnt seem like its going to help HER realize something, or lessen her stress and anxiety about testifying against someone who ABUSED her.
There is a sticky about how to communicate with abused people isnt there?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Nobody had their heels dug in more than me, in early recovery. It didn't matter if you bullied and shamed me or smothered me with love and pity...I wasn't ready until I was ready.
In the end, it wasn't the pushes that got me on the good path, and it wasn't the hugs either...it was the example of those who had been where I was and who cared enough to share their own experience, strength and hope, who cared enough to share their recovery without attacking mine.
By example, I was led. I saw that they had something I wanted, serenity, and I was willing to follow and do whatever I needed to get it too...when I was ready.
I loved my meetings because our policy there was "no crosstalk" which meant each person could share and be heard...without comment or criticism or well-meaning directions. I could be heard. I learned by what I heard from others, uninterrupted. And I listened and learned some more.
What was different at meetings is that there I could see faces, hear voice tones and notice body language. Here at SR we cannot see any of that so we never know what anyone "really meant". We just read the words and hope to learn.
I'm sorry this thread took a bad turn, I don't think the original poster intended that. But if you read through it, it has become a "she said, I said" kind of thread (just look how many posts have quotes in them). And I see no useful purpose in letting it continue, at least not until everyone calms down.
Maybe we could all share more of our own experience, strength and hope here, as those who held the light for me did, and just maybe some newcomer will walk in and want what we have. I hope so, because that's how this program works, one codie helping another.
I am closing this thread for now. Please take no offense. Instead let's all go welcome the newcomers and show them the good side of recovery by example, walking together.
Thank you all for understanding.
Ann
In the end, it wasn't the pushes that got me on the good path, and it wasn't the hugs either...it was the example of those who had been where I was and who cared enough to share their own experience, strength and hope, who cared enough to share their recovery without attacking mine.
By example, I was led. I saw that they had something I wanted, serenity, and I was willing to follow and do whatever I needed to get it too...when I was ready.
I loved my meetings because our policy there was "no crosstalk" which meant each person could share and be heard...without comment or criticism or well-meaning directions. I could be heard. I learned by what I heard from others, uninterrupted. And I listened and learned some more.
What was different at meetings is that there I could see faces, hear voice tones and notice body language. Here at SR we cannot see any of that so we never know what anyone "really meant". We just read the words and hope to learn.
I'm sorry this thread took a bad turn, I don't think the original poster intended that. But if you read through it, it has become a "she said, I said" kind of thread (just look how many posts have quotes in them). And I see no useful purpose in letting it continue, at least not until everyone calms down.
Maybe we could all share more of our own experience, strength and hope here, as those who held the light for me did, and just maybe some newcomer will walk in and want what we have. I hope so, because that's how this program works, one codie helping another.
I am closing this thread for now. Please take no offense. Instead let's all go welcome the newcomers and show them the good side of recovery by example, walking together.
Thank you all for understanding.
Ann
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