Searching81

How the hell did this happen? My A is demanding no contact from me!!

She has been tormenting me for weeks, texting me about kissing me and how she won't make it in this world without me, yadda yadda yadda...and today, she sends me one text that just pushed me over the edge. I don't even remember what it said. and I called her. and she was in her pathetic crying voice. and I got black out angry. Screaming. Crying. Binging on the rage that I was feeling.

Eventually, we got off the phone. I felt awful. And then, just a few minutes ago, she started sending me texts about how she is done talking to me, goodbye, it's over, "i promise you, i'm done."

I know this is probably a godsend and probably not true but the thought of it being true is both invigorating and terrifying. I know I need to have a life without her in it. I am no good for her and she is no good for me. I am just scared.

and hell, I am moving 1500 miles away so it was bound to be over anyhow. but you know, its just the saddest thing when something that had so much promise and potential just doesnt work out.

Ugh. I am reading "Dancing with Anger". Hopefully that will help me come to terms to why I get so angry.

FindingPeace1

I could be wrong, but this could just be a temporary tactic.

Let you decide what's best for you, regardless of what the flavor of the day is from her.

Hugs, p

Buffalo66

I have been derailed umpteen times by this very tactic.
And I can honestly say, looking back, I WISH that sometimes he meant it and stuck by it.
Would have saved me a lot of grief...

But then I would not have had this wonderful opportunity to heal all my stuck crap.

sorry about the sarcasm...just another SRer having a bad night, but, I mean what I am saying...
He would turn the tables on me, after inciting and antagonizing me to such an angry level...then say, "oh..how dare YOU. How dare YOU take a stand."

its pretty typical addict stuff, and I still dance with it now that RAH is sober, however to a much lesser degree.

StarCat

He'd yell insanities all night at me, but if I used one that wasn't even directed at anybody he'd yell even worse. "How dare you ******* talk like that, *****!"

He'd accuse me of all sorts of things, but if I even used one sentence of his against him, even word for word, heaven help me. "You think you can have a meaningful relationship with someone talking to them like THAT??? I can't believe I put up with this from you!"

In either case, the rest of the evening it would be because I said what I said, and then I'd have to apologize profusely, over and over and over again, all night, all the next morning (or he'd start the argument again, even though he'd finish it the night before with "Just forget about it"!), and never mind all things he slung my way that weren't even mine.

It's a tactic. The odds are she'll either come running back saying she didn't mean it, or else get mad at you for not following her around and trying to talk to her anyway.

No contact is brilliant.
I used it on XABF, and I am so grateful.
The world is finally right-side-up again, and I can stand on my own two feet and enjoy it.

bookwyrm

Whoa! I lived through that too! Detaching worked sometimes - other times he'd keep on going, getting louder and louder and more aggressive. *shudder*

wanttobehealthy

It kind of sounds to me like she is trying to say "oh, you want to change and are setting limits with me-- well, I'll reject you and try to hurt you before you can do it to me" and may hope that that will suck you back in.

My AH started saying similar things a few months ago when I first left. I guess he thought that I'd come running back if he started acting like he was the one who wanted "out". I didn't run back and he didn't actually disappear and stop contacting me as he promised. It was just a tactic. When it didn't work he picked a new tactic.

I know it feels sad... try as best you can to tell yourself its part of the addiction behavior and it's not about you. And chances are even if she stops being an active addict the behavior will remain active for a long time.

One thing I am learning is that even people who are sober in name, retain lots of alcoholic behaviors- I thought for a long time that once the drinking stopped so did the insane behavior. Definitely not the case. And that lesson has just made me that much more certain that there's no looking back at my marriage... Maybe thinking about that will make it hurt just a little bit less?

You said you're moving right? That might be a godsend...

Shellcrusher

Classic example of manipulation.
I love Anger. I also respect the hell out of it.

barb dwyer

omg it took me like five minutes to get that....

wicked

Me too! Especially since I don't use a cell phone!
bwahahahahaha!

Beth

theuncertainty

XAH did similar stuff. One memorable one was when he called me like a million times in one afternoon. I called back, no answer, so I left a message that I was returning his calls. Apparently I picked a very hehhmmm inopportune time to call back, because a few minutes later I got a call from him yelling "What the f-ing hll are you doing calling me now?!!!!?"

I'm intrigued with the Dancing with Anger book and will have to check it out. Thx.