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Old 04-25-2011, 06:40 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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You are still clinging to the hope that he will "get it." You still think you can change him. I hope for you that you reach acceptance and letting go one day soon. Because even though you are going through the motions, you haven't let go.

I agree 100%.
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Old 04-25-2011, 06:53 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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NOW I AM getting fed up. Let's see. Here's what I read in this "I know you better than you know yourself, I know you are saying this but I really think you mean this, you don't see this but I do...."

Honestly, this is the same crap I get from my AH.

I'm not judging you for having compassion. (Although I still think it's more like pity.)
Actually you are and this statement above proves my point for me. I tell you precisely how I feel and explain it and you tell me that you know better than I what I feel. That's actually something outlined in the Why Does He (or She) Do That book... Don't believe what I say, thats fine. But I intend to continue to trust what I know and I, not you, know how I feel. If my words aren't good enough for you to believe then stop reading.

What I'm trying to point out is that you are so very wrapped up in him, his choices, his addiction, what he's throwing away, etc.
All your latest posts are the result of me saying that on Easter, my brother who works with AH told me he was making an a$$ of himself at work. That doesn't look to me like I am wrapped up in him. But think what you want.

And it's obvious to me that all these "detached" conversations you keep having with him are still attempts to get him to "see the light." Albeit in new, more enlightened ways.
This really pisses me off. How do you think you know me and know that what I am doing is really trying to get him to still "see the light". I'm not and I will not continue to defend or prove myself to you. There are plenty of people on here who on other posts I've made recently (and who apparently have read what I've said without analyzing or judging or looking to poke holes) who "get" what I am doing for ME. I am not trying to change him and I'm really frustrated by the fact that I am working really hard at changing ingrained behaviors and had a lightbulb moment I guess a week or so ago and you choose to ignore 99% of what I say and cling to those things that fit your "analysis". Again, believe what you want. As for "all these detached conversations" I am not sure what you are referring to. I talked to him idiotically on Sat (kind of like I am idiotically defending myself to someone very much like him right now) and prior to that told him I was done and filing for divorce and told him that it was about me and not him. How that is me wrapped up with him and trying to get him to change is beyond me. I think perhaps it is time for YOU to focus on you instead of me. Maybe some of what you are doing is projection?

I know you think I have no idea what it's like. What your life was like before, what it's like now, all the complications you face. But, I recognize your behavior because it was my behavior approximately 5 years ago.
No you actually don't "recognize" my behavior bc your posts tonight show me that you haven't read what I've written. You are reading between the lines, making judgements and not taking what I say at face value. If you were here in my house you'd see something different than your haughty analysis of me and you'd need to apologize. It's all good though. You are getting something out of analyzing me and if it is helping you continue to do so.

You are still clinging to the hope that he will "get it." You still think you can change him.
I think you ought to go on a search of my recent posts other than this one and see for yourself that your analysis here is totally off. I am not clinging to that hope and I resent the fact that you are telling me that you know what I feel and think. Really?!?!?!?!

I hope for you that you reach acceptance and letting go one day soon. Because even though you are going through the motions, you haven't let go. But, I promise you it will be a huge relief when you do.
To say that this is a pompous and condescending remark doesn't even begin. You clearly have a vested interest (avoiding yourself perhaps) in believing what you have diagnosed me with above. That's fine. It doesn't make it true and I'd prefer that if you can't read what I write and take it at face value and need instead to analyze, pick apart and tell me that I haven't "really" done x, y or z, that you keep that to yourself-- This is far too similar to the conversations in years past with AH. I say one thing and he is determined to convince me that I actually think or feel or am doing something else. It's madening and frankly quite mentally abusive. Please stop. Reading what I say and commenting on it is one thing. Reading what I say and telling me that "you are going through the motions but haven't really let go" is pompous. Aren't you the one who just posted about "who am I to judge?" I think that you do quite a lot of that actually.
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Old 04-25-2011, 06:55 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.
Okay so then what's pity... I dont have a strong desire to take the suffering away. I have the first part of the definition.

A lot of you seem very invested in proving to me? yourselves? that your analysis of me is right.

How about reading what I am writing and taking what I am saying at face value?

Is that a problem for some reason?
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Old 04-25-2011, 07:00 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
You are still clinging to the hope that he will "get it." You still think you can change him. I hope for you that you reach acceptance and letting go one day soon. Because even though you are going through the motions, you haven't let go.

I agree 100%.
God, I wish I had the ability to know better than others what it is I myself was thinking.

Where exactly are you seeing (if you have bothered to read all of what I have posted lately) my desire to make him change still?

It is really eerie bordering on creepy to me how invested a few of you are in proving to me that what I am saying is not what I mean or how I feel.

Alcoholics (even those who are allegedly sober) have a tendency (from what I've learned) to tell others that they know better than everyone else....

Sound familiar? I have not once posted to anyone and said "I know better than you" but that's been the entirety of most of the posts from you and LaTeeDa tonight.

I think that might be something you want to look at.

Telling people that what they are saying isn't accurate and that you know better and reading between the lines and saying "I hear you saying this but I know better and you really don't mean it" is the kind of stuff that is outlined in books on abuse.

Please leave me alone unless you can find a way to do what most of this site do which is read what people say and respond to what they say and not give your analysis of what I mean when I am telling you I know what I mean.

Enough already. It's like having a conversation with my AH.
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Old 04-25-2011, 07:00 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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I'm done here. Good luck.
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Old 04-25-2011, 07:05 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
I'm done here. Good luck.

Thank you. Good luck to you too. You seem hellbent on convincing me of what you've already decided I am, what I believe, what I want and haven't chosen to read what I've actually written.

Then again maybe you have and whatever it is in you that needs to tell me, like my abusive AH does that you know better than me what I think and feel, sees me as a good person to do that to.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to continue to practice to stand up for myself.
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Old 04-25-2011, 07:17 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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I think you do not want to hear others opinions, you just want verification of your actions you are posting about.

I think you might want to read through these threads again when you are in a more clear frame of mind....

we only know what you post here and you send a mixed message, you are moving, not moving, living with mom, mom is not a good environment for kids, move back with Xhusband, move him out, move him in, complain that he is a jerk, then feel "compassion", new job in another state, then worry that you don't have a job, husband comes in after 10PM, then is there at 6PM, being abusive and still there...divorcing him , waiting on divorcing due to not work and worrying that he will get custody?????

it is not making much sense to me...all I can tell you from my experience is that after my Xhusband punched me in the side of the head and tried to choke me...I got a restraining order and I did not give a*compassionate* Flying flock if he was in my child's life or not....except for child support payment which continued until she was emancipated (finished grad school).

you are coming across as very defensive.
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Old 04-25-2011, 08:15 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Closed by request of OP.

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