2 for the price of one...

Old 04-22-2011, 10:06 PM
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2 for the price of one...

My AH and I have been separated for a year now. I moved out for 6 months and now he has moved out. My 22 yr old son has lived with both of us.
I have a hard time telling if my son drinks like a normal 22 yr old Marine or if he is headed down the path to alcoholism. mY AH mentioned just the other day that he was worried that our son might have the A gene. I am trying not to repeat the same mistakes that i made with my H. I do not try to control his drinking but have explained my boundaries and my triggers. He does not drink and drive. I do ask him about his job because he has a car payment and I co signed the loan. I told him I am trying to stop meddling in others' lives but was available if he needed my opinion or guidance. He seems to be having a hard time with the separation and has been distant with both of us. I feel like he has been avoiding me. Right after I spoke to him on the phone to tell him I was on my way home he texted to say he was spending the night with his dad. Great! They have always had a wonderful relationship that I hope continues.
My son's friend stopped by to pick something up and tells me he spent the evening hanging out with my son and my husband at the bowling alley bar-my AH new hangout. My son was very drunk and wont be coming home.
I can't believe my husband would choose to go to the bar to spend "quality time" with our son.
I feel like I got rid of 1 A only to be living with another one!
My son knows that alcohol was a HUGE issue between my AH and me. But he does not believe his father is an A-that would be too much like admitting he is one too.
No questions. Just venting because I am so angry at both of them!
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Old 04-22-2011, 11:07 PM
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Vent away, Jamaica. I'm sorry. It sounds like one heck of an evening.
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Old 04-23-2011, 05:18 AM
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My son knows that alcohol was a HUGE issue between my AH and me. But he does not believe his father is an A-that would be too much like admitting he is one too
Absolutely. Just stick to your own boundaries, and steer clear of the family culture of drinking that your AH is trying to establish. Wish I had.
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Old 04-23-2011, 05:49 AM
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Oh I hope that he is not and it is just the early 20's stuff that most people go through. I kinda preach to my daughter (early 20's too) and she tells me mom stop worrying, I will not have any problems with alcohol. I think we are super sensitive to it because of living with our A's and we do not want I precious kids to suffer the same way (or us for that matter). I wish there was a test for alcoholism. Why isn't there?

I would try and take a deep breath and not think to much about it at this point unless you start to see real signs of the disease rearing its ugly head. I think it is so much harder to deal with if it is one of our kids.

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Old 04-23-2011, 07:38 AM
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Keep going to AL ANON you have a A son and are gonna need more support now then ever.....I heard its different with a spouse and child in the whimes of alcoholism
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Old 04-23-2011, 12:20 PM
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Yeah, it seems to be pretty hard to tell which people are going to grow up to be alcoholics and who won't. I never had a sip of alcohol until I was 18, but I had many ridiculous drunk episodes in college and my early 20s where I passed out, threw up, embarrassed myself, etc. I think part of the problem was I was so uneducated about alcohol I didn't know what a shot was and when I made my own drinks, they were like 1/2 vodka and 1/2 cranberry juice! It took a while where I was a dummy to figure it all out and I haven't done anything close to that in 10 years. (I always thank God Facebook didn't exist when I was in college). I never drink more than 2 drinks anymore, and that is even rare.

I am sure if I ever catch my son (who is now 7) drinking a beer I will completely panic and think "that's it, he's an alcoholic!" because of his dad being one. I hope I will be more healthy by the time my son is a teenager so I will know how to handle it.
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Old 04-23-2011, 10:23 PM
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I would be fuming in anger and pain over this.

My son is only 6, but, I actually spend time worrying about his future, with so many cards stacked against him genetically.

It s tough, because you have a son who wants to bond with his dad, which is normal, and a dad who is too steeped in addiction to make the right choice about it.

I would express my feeling of sadness and apprehension to son. he knows the drinking is an issue. Maybe he needs some education...
but dont overdo it, and let your H be. He is a grown adult and knows better.

Selfish, selfish disease.
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