I'm back but this time its for me
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
They say that alcoholics' emotional maturity can get stunted at the level it was when they first started drinking. So someone who started at 14, could still be stuck in a 14 yr old mentality. My ex started very young.
I know what you mean about feeling angry. Mine acted like putting a gun in his mouth and threateing suicide was no big deal! "You make everything Chernobyl", he said. EXCUSE ME? putting a gun in your mouth, IS CHernobyl???
It would take the patience of Job not to get mad at them. I can tell myself it's a disease all I want-still, there is a lot of emotional pain there, and sadness, and yes, anger. Somehow we have to convert all that into acceptance. I can accept that this is someting I cannot fix or change; and needed to walk away from as a motion towards good self-care and preservation! It ain't easy tho.
Another thing that helps me be less angry is recognizing my own role. I could've walked away on New Years 2008, when he went crazy and threw chairs off a restaurant table, and I had to talk the cops out of arresting him. TWICE.
I know what you mean about feeling angry. Mine acted like putting a gun in his mouth and threateing suicide was no big deal! "You make everything Chernobyl", he said. EXCUSE ME? putting a gun in your mouth, IS CHernobyl???
It would take the patience of Job not to get mad at them. I can tell myself it's a disease all I want-still, there is a lot of emotional pain there, and sadness, and yes, anger. Somehow we have to convert all that into acceptance. I can accept that this is someting I cannot fix or change; and needed to walk away from as a motion towards good self-care and preservation! It ain't easy tho.
Another thing that helps me be less angry is recognizing my own role. I could've walked away on New Years 2008, when he went crazy and threw chairs off a restaurant table, and I had to talk the cops out of arresting him. TWICE.
Originally Posted by duqld1717 
It really is sad to me that drugs and alcohol steal all the good qualities from people.
Same with me. I hate him for all the crappy things he did and said to me. Some of the things will most likely haunt me the rest of my life they were so horrific (One time I lost 20 lbs in a matter of a month I was so upset and couldn't eat). He behaved everyday with no concious. Selfish, self-centered, and non sympathetic. But, on the other hand...can I really be that mad at him when that is just the nature of the disease? It steals souls. I'm sure if he started drinking at age 14 like he said, that is ALOT of brain damage. He is 34. That is 20 years of damage built up. I understand now why he treated everyone like crap. Its not an excuse to act like a jerk, but his brain isn't functioning like yours and mine and the rest of the non-A's out there. He probably has like 3 healthy brain cells left. Anyway, I'm in no way excusing his behavior and I will never forgive him. However, it is a shame that he can't have a normal personality because alcohol stole it.
Same with me. I hate him for all the crappy things he did and said to me. Some of the things will most likely haunt me the rest of my life they were so horrific (One time I lost 20 lbs in a matter of a month I was so upset and couldn't eat). He behaved everyday with no concious. Selfish, self-centered, and non sympathetic. But, on the other hand...can I really be that mad at him when that is just the nature of the disease? It steals souls. I'm sure if he started drinking at age 14 like he said, that is ALOT of brain damage. He is 34. That is 20 years of damage built up. I understand now why he treated everyone like crap. Its not an excuse to act like a jerk, but his brain isn't functioning like yours and mine and the rest of the non-A's out there. He probably has like 3 healthy brain cells left. Anyway, I'm in no way excusing his behavior and I will never forgive him. However, it is a shame that he can't have a normal personality because alcohol stole it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 28
Hi just a quick check in! Guess who I ran into today? Yup XABF (we live in the same town) so anyway gave him the item I had of his and drumroll please he went nuts on me. He is a mess but it was good for me to see the behvior one last time. The only tie we have left is his stupid phone which I told him is being shut off this week.
Anyway like my thread says this time SR is for me so enough about his crazy.
What I wanted to ask is the real difference between Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. Are the programs essentially the same? I know the obvious difference (drugs vs. alcohol) but if my qualifier is an alcoholic with a drug problem are they interchangeable. As i mentioned I wound up going to Nar-Anon the other night because I really wanted to go to a meeting and there was no Al-Anon meeting that evening.
The group was very welcoming although most of the people there seemed to be there because of children with addictions. My intent is to go back this week and maybe try to go to an alanon meeting if I can find one.
I guess my question is depending on which I feel is the better fit would I essentially be working the same program?
Sorry if it seems like a silly question!
Anyway like my thread says this time SR is for me so enough about his crazy.
What I wanted to ask is the real difference between Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. Are the programs essentially the same? I know the obvious difference (drugs vs. alcohol) but if my qualifier is an alcoholic with a drug problem are they interchangeable. As i mentioned I wound up going to Nar-Anon the other night because I really wanted to go to a meeting and there was no Al-Anon meeting that evening.
The group was very welcoming although most of the people there seemed to be there because of children with addictions. My intent is to go back this week and maybe try to go to an alanon meeting if I can find one.
I guess my question is depending on which I feel is the better fit would I essentially be working the same program?
Sorry if it seems like a silly question!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
I'm glad you stayed calm despite his craziness and didn't get sucked into it!! Good for you!!!
Where I live, there are so many al-anon meetings, that some of them are geared specifically to parents of alcoholics, or children of alcoholics. I usually go to the general meetings, or the step meetings. I'd recommend you go to nar-anon when you can't find an al-anon meeting. But I don't know much about nar-anon so maybe someone who's been could tell you more.
Where I live, there are so many al-anon meetings, that some of them are geared specifically to parents of alcoholics, or children of alcoholics. I usually go to the general meetings, or the step meetings. I'd recommend you go to nar-anon when you can't find an al-anon meeting. But I don't know much about nar-anon so maybe someone who's been could tell you more.
Originally Posted by LovetoLaugh
Hi just a quick check in! Guess who I ran into today? Yup XABF (we live in the same town) so anyway gave him the item I had of his and drumroll please he went nuts on me. He is a mess but it was good for me to see the behvior one last time. The only tie we have left is his stupid phone which I told him is being shut off this week.
Anyway like my thread says this time SR is for me so enough about his crazy.
What I wanted to ask is the real difference between Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. Are the programs essentially the same? I know the obvious difference (drugs vs. alcohol) but if my qualifier is an alcoholic with a drug problem are they interchangeable. As i mentioned I wound up going to Nar-Anon the other night because I really wanted to go to a meeting and there was no Al-Anon meeting that evening.
The group was very welcoming although most of the people there seemed to be there because of children with addictions. My intent is to go back this week and maybe try to go to an alanon meeting if I can find one.
I guess my question is depending on which I feel is the better fit would I essentially be working the same program?
Sorry if it seems like a silly question!
Anyway like my thread says this time SR is for me so enough about his crazy.
What I wanted to ask is the real difference between Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. Are the programs essentially the same? I know the obvious difference (drugs vs. alcohol) but if my qualifier is an alcoholic with a drug problem are they interchangeable. As i mentioned I wound up going to Nar-Anon the other night because I really wanted to go to a meeting and there was no Al-Anon meeting that evening.
The group was very welcoming although most of the people there seemed to be there because of children with addictions. My intent is to go back this week and maybe try to go to an alanon meeting if I can find one.
I guess my question is depending on which I feel is the better fit would I essentially be working the same program?
Sorry if it seems like a silly question!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I remember you LovetoLaugh.
Isn't it wonderful that we get another chance to live in a different way... ?
From sandrawg:
I think Step 0 may be "we are really messed up."
totally right...
Happy Belated Bday
Isn't it wonderful that we get another chance to live in a different way... ?
From sandrawg:
I think Step 0 may be "we are really messed up."
totally right...Happy Belated Bday
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