I'm losing my mind!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Kalispell, MT
Posts: 1
I'm losing my mind!!
My boyfriend is an alcoholic and is driving me crazy. Sometimes he leaves to get a pack of cigarettes and comes back hours later, drunk and either crying or extremely irate. I want to help him, but don't know what to do. He drinks and gambles away his rent money. He lies about where he's going and ends up at a casino or a bar. I love him a lot and don't want to leave him, but his actions are making me extremely depressed. I've lost 25 pounds in four months due to the stress of the situation. I keep saying I'm going to leave, but then I don't have the strength to do so.
He is also very controlling and sometimes violent (although only when he's drunk or hung-over.) All of my friends tell me to leave him, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I know there's a good person inside him, I just can't figure out when he's going to reappear. Am I just wasting my time, or is there light at the end of the tunnel?
He is also very controlling and sometimes violent (although only when he's drunk or hung-over.) All of my friends tell me to leave him, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I know there's a good person inside him, I just can't figure out when he's going to reappear. Am I just wasting my time, or is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Debye and welcome.
Unfortunately nobody can really answer that question for you. The decision to recover from alcoholism rests with the individual and we can't count on being able to do anything to inspire that or hasten it along.
It is disturbing that you refer to him as violent. That means every time he drinks you are in danger. Please think very hard about what is so important about this relationship that you would risk your safety. I would urge you to do some reading about codependency to see if the literature describes you. Sometimes we are simply unaware of our self-destructive behavior until we see it spelled out. You may want to visit an alanon group in your area.
I'm glad you joined us.
Hugs,
Smoke
Unfortunately nobody can really answer that question for you. The decision to recover from alcoholism rests with the individual and we can't count on being able to do anything to inspire that or hasten it along.
It is disturbing that you refer to him as violent. That means every time he drinks you are in danger. Please think very hard about what is so important about this relationship that you would risk your safety. I would urge you to do some reading about codependency to see if the literature describes you. Sometimes we are simply unaware of our self-destructive behavior until we see it spelled out. You may want to visit an alanon group in your area.
I'm glad you joined us.
Hugs,
Smoke
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Yorkshire UK
Posts: 103
Whenever I hear 'I am losing my mind' I think of Robbie Williams (I actually think of Robbie Williams A LOT!!!! LOL)
His song 'No Regrets' has a great line 'I didn't lose my mind, it was MINE to give away'
Sounds to me like you need to get some self-respect which CAN be found in the Alanon programme.
Is loving a violent drunk ALL YOU are worth??
Maybe the answer is YES at this moment in time, but if you get on a recovery programme, your self-esteem will soar, and you will start to realise YOU ARE WORTH BETTER THAN THIS!!!!
Believe me, I have 'loved' many drug addicts/alcoholics BUT this is NOT love, this is total insanity brought about by the disease of alcoholism (The family illness!!)
I once found myself SMILING whilst pinned to the floor by a violent drunk who I 'LOVED' and who was holding a knife to my throat. OF COURSE, it was just because he LOVED me that he got so jealous when another man spoke to me in that bar. If he didn't love me, he wouldn't be jealous and want to kill me!!!!
I was lucky enough to escape with my life, and eventually got the hell out of that sick relationship.
I was 46 years old, and 10 years sober before I REALLY discovered WHAT true love is, and it has been well worth waiting for.
His song 'No Regrets' has a great line 'I didn't lose my mind, it was MINE to give away'
Sounds to me like you need to get some self-respect which CAN be found in the Alanon programme.
Is loving a violent drunk ALL YOU are worth??
Maybe the answer is YES at this moment in time, but if you get on a recovery programme, your self-esteem will soar, and you will start to realise YOU ARE WORTH BETTER THAN THIS!!!!
Believe me, I have 'loved' many drug addicts/alcoholics BUT this is NOT love, this is total insanity brought about by the disease of alcoholism (The family illness!!)
I once found myself SMILING whilst pinned to the floor by a violent drunk who I 'LOVED' and who was holding a knife to my throat. OF COURSE, it was just because he LOVED me that he got so jealous when another man spoke to me in that bar. If he didn't love me, he wouldn't be jealous and want to kill me!!!!
I was lucky enough to escape with my life, and eventually got the hell out of that sick relationship.
I was 46 years old, and 10 years sober before I REALLY discovered WHAT true love is, and it has been well worth waiting for.
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Hiya
I never lived with my x A and now I know that I was so blessed not to. I used to say but I love him. How pathetic this sounds to me now that I am healthy and have a healthy understanding of what a healthy love is.
Ask yourself these questions and seriously ponder over them. What do I love about him ? What makes me want to stay with an abuser like that? What is so lovelable about him when he drinks and is violent? Why do I feel I deserve to be treated this way?
This is not even about him but about you. Find out why you are allowing this and do get some help. CODA, AlAnon is available and can help you find your ways in life.
It took me a long time to get away from my ex and it is the best thing I ever done. I was one of the lucky ones in many ways.
This will be a long journey, it took me almost 11 month. Now I understand how dysfunctional I was at the time. Once I let go and healed myself, my life changed totally and now I am happy and content.
Good luck. Huggs n much Love to you.
Ask yourself these questions and seriously ponder over them. What do I love about him ? What makes me want to stay with an abuser like that? What is so lovelable about him when he drinks and is violent? Why do I feel I deserve to be treated this way?
This is not even about him but about you. Find out why you are allowing this and do get some help. CODA, AlAnon is available and can help you find your ways in life.
It took me a long time to get away from my ex and it is the best thing I ever done. I was one of the lucky ones in many ways.
This will be a long journey, it took me almost 11 month. Now I understand how dysfunctional I was at the time. Once I let go and healed myself, my life changed totally and now I am happy and content.
Good luck. Huggs n much Love to you.
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Debye,
Welcome to Sober Recovery.....The coffee's on so pull up a chair and have a look around the threads...Do some reading here and it just might give you the anwser to some of your questions...
I would like to add that you really need to re-read the posts a head of me, I grew up in an alcoholic VIOLENT home...It only got worse as time went on....
You don't have to live with this....Take care
Love and prayers from one who cars.
Welcome to Sober Recovery.....The coffee's on so pull up a chair and have a look around the threads...Do some reading here and it just might give you the anwser to some of your questions...
I would like to add that you really need to re-read the posts a head of me, I grew up in an alcoholic VIOLENT home...It only got worse as time went on....
You don't have to live with this....Take care
Love and prayers from one who cars.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 91
Yes, there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and you can flip the switch by attending Al-Anon meetings. One thing I know is that I choose the people I'm around, so if I'm around really sick folks, I'm choosing them for some reason. I better figure out why and address my problem, or it's going to reappear in another form.
I found out about alcoholism and how it had affected me in Al-Anon. It's been so helpful.
Keep coming back!
I found out about alcoholism and how it had affected me in Al-Anon. It's been so helpful.
Keep coming back!
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