I don't know what to do
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Whoa-I posted somethign to you before I saw that he died. I'm so sorry. That's horrible.
I had suggested you go to al-anon--I think, even though he is no longer with us, al-anon might still help you. It can help you recognize the traits that led you to a relationship with an alcoholic, and maybe help you recover after such a traumatic experience.
My sympathies, honey {hugs}
I had suggested you go to al-anon--I think, even though he is no longer with us, al-anon might still help you. It can help you recognize the traits that led you to a relationship with an alcoholic, and maybe help you recover after such a traumatic experience.
My sympathies, honey {hugs}
Originally Posted by arghh 
Thanks for all your replies. I find it amazing that you are all out there willing to write to me and help me out when you don't even know me. Thank you 
Of course I went round (I am in Australia btw so it is the next morning here now). I rang him when I got home, no answer, so I went and bought some groceries, did some exercise... but by the end of that my anxiety levels were so high that I just decided I had to go round, otherwise I wouldn't sleep.
He is better(ish). I think he must have run out of money for vodka because it looked like he had been drinking wine, so he was relatively coherent and, from past experiences, I think he should probably stop today. That made me feel better, to know that it's nearly over. Now is when the anger starts. This is why I KNOW that you are right, nodaybut2day, when you say I should cut contact. It's SO HARD though. We do have a great time together when he's sober, but my love for him is so mixed up with so much anger. And it's really selfish anger, about how, once he's got through the bender, he doesn't even remotely appreciate what he puts me (or anyone else) through. I am still angry about the fact that, when I got a really terrible flu last winter he was "too busy" to even visit me, let alone look after me. This has codependence written all over it, right? :/ oh dear.
Sooo.... we'll see what happens now. But i really appreciate your advice and will refer back to it, and to all the other threads on here, when I'm feeling uncertain
Of course I went round (I am in Australia btw so it is the next morning here now). I rang him when I got home, no answer, so I went and bought some groceries, did some exercise... but by the end of that my anxiety levels were so high that I just decided I had to go round, otherwise I wouldn't sleep.
He is better(ish). I think he must have run out of money for vodka because it looked like he had been drinking wine, so he was relatively coherent and, from past experiences, I think he should probably stop today. That made me feel better, to know that it's nearly over. Now is when the anger starts. This is why I KNOW that you are right, nodaybut2day, when you say I should cut contact. It's SO HARD though. We do have a great time together when he's sober, but my love for him is so mixed up with so much anger. And it's really selfish anger, about how, once he's got through the bender, he doesn't even remotely appreciate what he puts me (or anyone else) through. I am still angry about the fact that, when I got a really terrible flu last winter he was "too busy" to even visit me, let alone look after me. This has codependence written all over it, right? :/ oh dear.
Sooo.... we'll see what happens now. But i really appreciate your advice and will refer back to it, and to all the other threads on here, when I'm feeling uncertain
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Oh Arrgh I can't tell you how sorry I am.
And I agree with you... The peace in your heart will come from knowing that you loved and as much turmoil as his life was in, he knew it and was the better for it.
Hope you are getting the support you need through this... we are always here for you!
bb
And I agree with you... The peace in your heart will come from knowing that you loved and as much turmoil as his life was in, he knew it and was the better for it.
Hope you are getting the support you need through this... we are always here for you!
bb
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
At least he's in a better place, with no addiction to worry about any more.
That doesn't make it easier, though, I know.
This disease, it steals so much good out of life, and takes so much from so many good people.
I'm glad you have no regrets. That is a very valuable gift.
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