JACKRUSSELLGIRL

When it ask to state why you are divorcing, what did you write here? Did you put alcohol addiction or just irreconciling differences?

wanttobehealthy

I'm not there yet but I have decided that if and when I do get there I am filing under the fault based "habitual drunkeness" statute in NH.

Do you have a gut inclination one way?

suki44883

You might want to check your state to see what your options are. Irreconcilable differences will always work though. If you don't have children, that might be the way to go. If you do have children with him, the alcohol addiction might be best (if it is available in your state) so you can get special clauses regarding visitation, etc.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

I am not sure what I should use yet. I believe Mass has an addiction choice. I probably should use it since it is the truth. The only reason I am finally throwing in the towel is the addiction. I really would love to fast forward and have this whole thing done now.

Oh Wanttobe where are you planning on teaching in Mass?

GettingBy

Have you talked to a lawyer JRG? They might be able to offer you some insight into strategy.

I have small children involved... so my attorney said, "Go No Fault on the grounds and let's save the drinking & abuse for when we get into custody discussions." NY doesn't have any option for addiction, or anything like that... and fortunately for me, they just enacted No Fault this past October. Otherwise... I would have had an uphill battle coming up with a grounds that he wouldn't raise holy hell over.

Jazzman

I would suggest no fault. Check out this link, tons-o-info.
Massachusetts Divorce Source: State Divorce Laws: Massachusetts

DMC

Irreconcilable differences for me.

Thumper

Irreconcilable differences

caaraa

Irreconcilable differences for me.

SoloMio

I've thought about this and it would definitely be habitual drunkeness, or alcoholism, or however they word it. That would be the only reason I would divorce him (he was sober for six years and we had a marriage that worked), and I'd want to make that point loud and clear.

LexieCat

I see no reason (unless a lawyer gives you one) for filing under addiction/alcoholism. All you would be doing is creating a last "battle" specifically over what he is or is not. If his drinking becomes an issue for other reasons (e.g., you have no money because he drank it away so it should be factored into the property/support you should get, or issues having to do with custody/visitation) then as GB pointed out, you can still use it there.

Divorce papers are a lousy way of getting your last digs in, and really, that's all it would be.

wanttobehealthy

I have to respectfully disagree. My lawyer has told me explicitly that expressing concerns about custody/visitation but filing under irreconcilable differences really weakens the legitimacy of my concerns and to me at least, with young kids, that makes a lot of sense.

If the A chooses to take it as a dig, that's their issue. If there's a reason to file that way that may have an impact on custody etc... and it's not just to **** the A off it seems co-dependent to not do something bc of how it might make the A feel...

Just my 2 cents.

Ladybug0130

Yeah, I am terrified my spouse will get time alone with the kids and in the state he's in, I have every right to be concerned. I would hope that someday he could get his head on straight and that will change, but right now I will take my lawyer's advice to file whatever I need to file to keep my kids safe. That's really all I care about right now, I don't want to fight over money, belongings, etc.

nodaybut2day

I never have to put a reason. My divorce was granted to me early for cause of "mental cruelty and abuse".

Cyranoak

Addiction IS an irreconcilable difference (You can't reconcile it-- and he's chosen not to). That said, why not put the answer that is either the truth, or the closest to it?

Take care,

Cyranoak

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Thanks everyone! I am leaning towards the truth which would be Fault because of intoxication.