Kind of OT XBF stalked me yesterday..

Old 04-19-2011, 11:06 AM
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Arrow Kind of OT XBF stalked me yesterday..

I went to the gym with a friend that is in town, took Pilates, my day was going FINE, then I see missed calls from XBF and a message asking about gym prices (I stopped calling/answering him a while ago).

Next I know he is at the door staring at me.

In two years he had sworn he was going to a gym.
He never did it.

So now that I am dettached he goes to "my" gym which is FAR AWAY from his home/he always said he wanted to go to a gym close to his home.

WTF.

I took my kick boxing class and he just stared at me the last half an hour.


I felt so angry and sad, not feeling like a victim but more like "WHEN DO I GET A PEACEFUL DAY?? WHEN?"

I remembered I can't cure or control anyone..

Afterwards he asked us if he wanted us to have dinner... me, the idiot said yes... then I was driving with my friend and he was tailgating us and I thought "WTF I want to have dinner with my gf, period" so I called him and told him to get lost.


Had dinner with girlfriend. She kept tweeting&checking Facebook. Oh well. Can't control her, either, but I find that VERY disrespectful.


Then I arrived home and called XBF and told him never to go to my gym again and if I see him there again I will stop going and would take other measures because its NOT NORMAL for him to call me and stalk me and that he had made me feel VERY uncomfortable.

He kept saying he missed me and was having a hard time and I just saw how incredibly bad choices I have made and how I set myself up engaging with LOSERS unable to behave as DECENT HUMAN BEINGS.

I felt angry and sad and exhausted and cried a little but I told myself I handled it well.


Then today a coworker called me telling me why I haven't done X and Y... I mentioned I had been busy with another account's activities... then proceeded to go to the office. I was hungry, got a huge Subway sandwich.

I realized some people don't like it when you start looking after yourself. But they dont give a damn if you get ill due to stress, or if YOU are having a bad time. They are selfish.


Huge lessons I have learned. I am starting to stop apologizing.
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Old 04-19-2011, 12:00 PM
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Hugs, TC. Creepy. I think you did handle it very well and I'm glad your friend was there for you. Hopefully he gets the point and leaves you alone.

If he does show up at the gym again and just stands there staring, I'd go to one of the employees and tell them that guy is just standing there staring and if he's not a member perhaps he needs to be asked to leave.
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Old 04-19-2011, 12:21 PM
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so I called him and told him to get lost

You bet your sweet tail you did!!!! Good for you!!

Would you have done this before? Wow!

He caught you off guard so you said yes to dinner, that's almost expected. I would probably do the same darn thing myself. BUT, you thought better of it and without guilt over changing your mind you picked up the phone and toldhim to go away. BRAVO!!

His present lady is probably kicking him to the curb so he's calling you up and trying to get back in contact with you. This is his issue not yours. If he won't back off. Get in his face again and enlist the gym management like uncertainty said. You're taking that kickboxing class and you're getting damn good at it. He stood there and watched you. He ought to know you're no pushover anymore.

I'm so glad you told him to stay away. You are right, people are selfish and only thinking of their own needs. No one is going to defend your needs but you, so don't feel shy about stating them in an obvious way so they get the point clearly.

This is the growth you once could only dream of!!

Alice
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Old 04-19-2011, 01:20 PM
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Way to keep your head and stand fast!
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Old 04-19-2011, 01:30 PM
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Aw thanks friends. Uncertainty I will do that. Hopefully he got the message.

If he is around again I will
1 ask whoever to walk me to my car

2 join another gym, its just not worth the stress, I haven't had paid the second half of the year, and I know about a Kung Fu place that is cheap. (With my new 'date', in fact my friend and I may go join him today)


ItsMeAlice its XBF not XABF who is doing this .. this is my last Ex who is not an alkie. So, there goes my "it was the alcohol" excuse, XBF is selfish and weird SOBER, so alcohol is not the issue.


My picker is getting slightly better, THAT is huge!!


XABF, there were some days I miss him STILL but I am more convinced than ever that toxic people don't change by magic ..so all the stuff we talk about here is not meant to make us feel better its just the truth of things.


Now I am eating my Subway with gusto ah, I even had stopped eating, due to work. Sheesh. It feels great to take care of myself....
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Old 04-19-2011, 01:36 PM
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Thanks barb ((hugs))
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