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Old 04-19-2011, 10:06 AM
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Sincere Thanks

Shocking as this may be (sarcasm is dripping here)... I have a lot of opinions and a feisty kind of demeanor at times (increasingly so the more I feel like I am not under AH's thumb-- I'd lost all sense of myself for a long time)...

Anyway, I know that last week I got snippy or at the very least, frustrated and vented perhaps at or about what some of you were telling me (all of which was said with love and designed to help I know).

I wanted to apologize and own that and say that I think last week was a case of me trying to lie to myself about some things and being called on it and challenged to look at reality and a few times there had the equivalent of a mini grown up fit.

Getting out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) that I've been ensconced in my whole life isn't as easy as I want it to be. I know I need to hear it straight and I actually DO like and appreciate it and NEED it and hope it will continue the next time I need a good virtual butt kicking.

I didn't like what I was being told but it was all right. I didn't like how it felt to accept a lot of what I was reading but that's bc I knew it was true. I decided to accept the yucky feelings, admit that I can see reality and stop pretending I can't and take control of ME and MY LIFE and MY GIRLS and I feel a whole lot better than I have in a while...

So, to everyone who listened to my b.s. and whining about not liking what I was being told, I you all and I apologize for what was probably some feisty bordering on argumentative stuff.... The person I was struggling with most was myself. Trying to lie to myself has never worked. As a kid I couldn't do it well and I got the brunt of the abuse bc I didn't play the game as well as my siblings (deny reality) and in my marriage it hasn't worked either and yet I still try and do it at times. You'd think I'd have figured that out by now.

Thank you all for telling me what I needed to hear whether I wanted to or not!

Love....
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Old 04-19-2011, 10:51 AM
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You are a strong person, wanttobehealthy.
You can be whoever you want to be, and do whatever you want to do, as long as you trust yourself.

We have all been in DENIAL mode, we have all had to face uncomfortable truths, and we have all not been ourselves because of these things.


Thank you for being you.
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Old 04-19-2011, 11:02 AM
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Just as the addict bucks back against the change required for recovery, so do those who have been their support structure. It's almost expected. If we just gave in that easily, we never would have come searching for new answers to the same old questions, anyway.
Change is hard but necessary.
If it was easy, we would have done it already, right?

Frankly, if something I said fired you up, then I'm glad. Means you're listening and working things through and not just grinning and nodding along.

Everybody's path is different so we can only give you ideas and things to ponder, experiences to compare to, you've got to the hard work and get in the trenches and make the changes. We can support, but we can't shield you from any fallout.

Whatever happens. Whatever is said here. Whatever you take from it....

Don't stop trying. Don't give up. Recovery can be some hard hairy work, but it is so worth it.

Keep reading. Keep posting. Keep coming back.

Best to you,
Alice
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Old 04-19-2011, 11:28 AM
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I know I can always rely on SR to "tell me like it is", which sometimes translates to "telling me like I don't want it to be". I've spent a number of years living in that place in Egypt...you know, the jolly ol' land of De-Nial, and I'd grown accustomed to swallowing down XAH's b.s. and repeating it as if it were God's own truth. Having certain members here tell me how they saw my situation, standing from the outside, was quite a shock. I'd sometimes find myself freaking out while posting, afraid of my situation, afraid of what people would say, but desperately needing answers (and not "the truth" as XAH spouted it). I've come to rely on SR's support and honesty and I can openly say I have nothing like it IRL.

I'm glad you came to a personal realization and that it'll help you move forward in your journey.
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Old 04-19-2011, 05:39 PM
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A work in progress
 
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We've all been there.

Sometimes we "plateau" in our recovery, or even take a few steps back. As long as the overall direction is forward, we are making progress.

Hugs,
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Old 04-19-2011, 06:03 PM
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Man I tell you what... there seems to be mountains and mountains of great recovery going on the board right now. I don't recall it be so "healthy" here when I was posting back in 2006...

but that's probably because I just didn't "get it" yet

You're doing great WTBH! I love all the great support and shining examples you folks are! It makes me so proud to be a part of!
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Old 04-19-2011, 06:11 PM
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Can I tell you that your posts have been inspirational to me. I have not felt alone. I have wished to be further along in this process because of your posts. You rock!
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Old 04-19-2011, 09:33 PM
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It just doesn't happen all at once. It takes some time and there is a limit to how much you can absorb at once.

You're doing fine. It often takes me weeks for a message to really sink in. What's amazing and scary about this board is how common our experiences really are.

You're doing fine.
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Old 04-19-2011, 11:15 PM
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All I could think when I read your post was how frickin honest and humble it was. How all I wanted was for my AH to come this clean.
Thanks. That takes guts, wisdom and humility.
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Old 04-20-2011, 04:43 AM
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Originally Posted by FindingPeace1 View Post
All I could think when I read your post was how frickin honest and humble it was. How all I wanted was for my AH to come this clean.
Thanks. That takes guts, wisdom and humility.

Thanks... I hadn't even thought of that (that I was trying to be humble/honest etc...) I just went with how I felt and I felt like a jerk for being pissy about being told the truth and didn't want another moment to go by without saying so and thanking you all for saying what NEEDED to be said and not just what would make me feel temporarily good... Oh, and I totally totally agree with what you said about how much you wish your AH could do this... Wouldn't that be something?!
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