The Ignore List...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 132
Cryanoak,
I can completely undertand the ingnore list. We have to do what is healthy for us. But I just wanted to tell you that your "direct" form of posting was, a painful yet necessary thing for me to read when I first started here!
I find your posts to be like the "yucky medicine" we all must swallow for our own good!
I hope that wasn't offensive. It was meant as a compliment.
I can completely undertand the ingnore list. We have to do what is healthy for us. But I just wanted to tell you that your "direct" form of posting was, a painful yet necessary thing for me to read when I first started here!
I find your posts to be like the "yucky medicine" we all must swallow for our own good!
I hope that wasn't offensive. It was meant as a compliment.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
I didn't know there was an Ignore function... I do use similar functions on Facebook, mainly because I can't stand those stupid games I'm asked to participate in, but I don't think I'd use it here. It may be frustrating to see people at the starting line and realize what a long road they have ahead of them, esp if they're still in denial--but I read those posts to remind me of how much it work it takes to further my own recovery.
I typically read the pop-up off the headline and if I think I'm either interested or I could help, I'll read it. If not I just ignore the post on my own.
But definitely whatever works for you--I do think it can be a useful tool. I also appreciate your no-nonsense talk, Cyranoak. Your type of communication always is so refreshing--which is why I LOVE Dave Ramsey for instance. Nothing like hearing like it is. (Hmm... maybe that compliment went smacking up against Cyranoak's block :-)
I typically read the pop-up off the headline and if I think I'm either interested or I could help, I'll read it. If not I just ignore the post on my own.
But definitely whatever works for you--I do think it can be a useful tool. I also appreciate your no-nonsense talk, Cyranoak. Your type of communication always is so refreshing--which is why I LOVE Dave Ramsey for instance. Nothing like hearing like it is. (Hmm... maybe that compliment went smacking up against Cyranoak's block :-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Geez, this thread has now lured me into wondering if my long a** posts have caused people to ignore me.
Oh, well, I am a fledgling writer, not an editor, lol.
I do get triggered by some abuse stories here, but, I feel a part of a chain of service...
I came here abused, and dim about a lot of things, and people helped me solo much, so, I try to pay it forward.
I have been annoyed by a few As that come over to the board just to argue w f& f.
Only happened a few times. I just used my real life ignore function for that, lol
Oh, well, I am a fledgling writer, not an editor, lol.
I do get triggered by some abuse stories here, but, I feel a part of a chain of service...
I came here abused, and dim about a lot of things, and people helped me solo much, so, I try to pay it forward.
I have been annoyed by a few As that come over to the board just to argue w f& f.
Only happened a few times. I just used my real life ignore function for that, lol
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Originally Posted by Buffalo66 
I have been annoyed by a few As that come over to the board just to argue w f& f.
Only happened a few times. I just used my real life ignore function for that, lol
Only happened a few times. I just used my real life ignore function for that, lol
"Report Post" button is also a great tool in this case. *Grins*
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
Cyranoak-What I love the most about your posts is how you end them, saying "Take what you like and leave the rest."
For me, it's a reminder that I can read a post and all of the replies and whether I agree with them or not, don't have to get engaged in them. I have a tendency to want to immediately reply, to put my 2 cents worth in (here and on other forums), wanting to have the last word, to be right. It's one of my character defects that I am really working hard on.
When a particular post gets heated and I have the urge to jump in, a litle voice in my head reminds me to take what I like and leave the rest - to MYOB, to do sometimes like I do in Al-Anon, to sit and listen because that is just as healing as jumping in feet first.
Thanks, Cyranoak....hugs coming from me and puppy dog to you.
For me, it's a reminder that I can read a post and all of the replies and whether I agree with them or not, don't have to get engaged in them. I have a tendency to want to immediately reply, to put my 2 cents worth in (here and on other forums), wanting to have the last word, to be right. It's one of my character defects that I am really working hard on.
When a particular post gets heated and I have the urge to jump in, a litle voice in my head reminds me to take what I like and leave the rest - to MYOB, to do sometimes like I do in Al-Anon, to sit and listen because that is just as healing as jumping in feet first.
Thanks, Cyranoak....hugs coming from me and puppy dog to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 338
Originally Posted by Linkmeister
Cyranoak-What I love the most about your posts is how you end them, saying "Take what you like and leave the rest."
For me, it's a reminder that I can read a post and all of the replies and whether I agree with them or not, don't have to get engaged in them. I have a tendency to want to immediately reply, to put my 2 cents worth in (here and on other forums), wanting to have the last word, to be right. It's one of my character defects that I am really working hard on.
.
For me, it's a reminder that I can read a post and all of the replies and whether I agree with them or not, don't have to get engaged in them. I have a tendency to want to immediately reply, to put my 2 cents worth in (here and on other forums), wanting to have the last word, to be right. It's one of my character defects that I am really working hard on.
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You don't have to agree with everyone nor do you need to convert them to your way of thinking. Reminds me of the no cross talk rule in Al Anon.
That wanting to get the last word in and be right is also a character defect of mine that I know came from years of interacting with my AH. Still trying to "Stop that!"
Its like a buffet- no one is forcing you to eat what you don't like-just take what you like and leave the rest...it might be just what someone else was craving!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by LifesALongSong
Looking for the AW ignore button. Dam it, I can't find it. Still looking, its on me some where I know !
If only it were that easy, eh?? Maybe the Staples "Easy" button can be reprogrammed?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by LifesALongSong
Looking for the AW ignore button. Dam it, I can't find it. Still looking, its on me some where I know !
Now, if someone can invent a real-life ignore button, I would be first in line to buy it!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Not sur I have anyone on that list
Have decided that being 'triggered' might not be a bad thing for me, I didn't realize until this past weekend that some of my recent history had impacted me as much as it did. I really thought I was 'immune', or maybe just didn't want to look at how much it affected me. Inventory time.
Good if I don't get involved, however, when I am being 'triggered'.
Oh well.
Good if I don't get involved, however, when I am being 'triggered'.
Oh well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 427
I was going to ask if I was on it, but apparantly if I am reading this, I am not? LOL. It's like Facebook.......I spring cleaned and let everyone know if they were still reading this that they survived the cut. LMAO.
I agree that it's a good tool, there have been a couple in the past that I would have liked to ignore if I knew I could. But they appear to be lost in space, so it doesn't matter I guess.
I agree that it's a good tool, there have been a couple in the past that I would have liked to ignore if I knew I could. But they appear to be lost in space, so it doesn't matter I guess.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Originally Posted by anvilhead
great post, Cy - i very much appreciate your honesty.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I've thought of using the Ignore option, but then thought it would become a crutch for me.
How nice it is to just shut out a person that triggers me, when in fact, it is part of my recovery to turn and face those things that derail me. I need a better way to handle it than running away and ignoring a poster on a forum (an easy thing to get away from when you think about it) feels like running.
If I can't hit a button in the real world to get away from what triggers me, I don't want that option here. Here is where I learn new recovery tools and practice interactions in a place of understanding so that when I walk out into the world, I can handle what comes my way.
Had an odd phone call with a friend yesterday just prior to seeing her in person. We were both kinda snappy at each for some reason. When I got off the phone and headed out to meet her, I started thinking of all the things I could have said wrong or done the wrong way to upset her. Then I took a deep breath and told myself to get out of my own head, stop spinning over it, and say something about it to her. Something I learned here.
When I saw her, the first thing I said was that I was sorry if I sounded snappy that wasn't how I was feeling about her. I asked if she felt the same way and you know she took a breath and said she was wondering what was up with that phone call, too. From there we both realized it wasn't us we had emotions over, it was just stress going on in our lives and we were both able to talk and share the things we were dealing with.
I think if I had hit the ignore button over that phone call, it would have eaten away at me, and her too. I think we both would've just snapped at each other then rest of our time together and probably not spoken for a time. We were better off by turning and facing the interaction right then before it festered.
Just my feelings on it.
Alice
How nice it is to just shut out a person that triggers me, when in fact, it is part of my recovery to turn and face those things that derail me. I need a better way to handle it than running away and ignoring a poster on a forum (an easy thing to get away from when you think about it) feels like running.
If I can't hit a button in the real world to get away from what triggers me, I don't want that option here. Here is where I learn new recovery tools and practice interactions in a place of understanding so that when I walk out into the world, I can handle what comes my way.
Had an odd phone call with a friend yesterday just prior to seeing her in person. We were both kinda snappy at each for some reason. When I got off the phone and headed out to meet her, I started thinking of all the things I could have said wrong or done the wrong way to upset her. Then I took a deep breath and told myself to get out of my own head, stop spinning over it, and say something about it to her. Something I learned here.
When I saw her, the first thing I said was that I was sorry if I sounded snappy that wasn't how I was feeling about her. I asked if she felt the same way and you know she took a breath and said she was wondering what was up with that phone call, too. From there we both realized it wasn't us we had emotions over, it was just stress going on in our lives and we were both able to talk and share the things we were dealing with.
I think if I had hit the ignore button over that phone call, it would have eaten away at me, and her too. I think we both would've just snapped at each other then rest of our time together and probably not spoken for a time. We were better off by turning and facing the interaction right then before it festered.
Just my feelings on it.
Alice
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I would also like to Ignore myself 
lol thanks for the laughs.
I like to put some people in the Mental Ignore list. Recently hearing quacking I can go "Oh" and mentally imagine myself in the Caribbean beach seeing the palm trees moving with the wind. Then I come back to Reality and the quacking has passed.
Also a fan of changing my number, never ever checking Facebook, nor talking to anyone I don't trust 100% about deeper matters..
When I joined I ignored the ones that were telling truths I didn't want to hear.. but now I read them again and it doesn't hurt anymore... quite the contrary, it sets me free...
lol thanks for the laughs.I like to put some people in the Mental Ignore list. Recently hearing quacking I can go "Oh" and mentally imagine myself in the Caribbean beach seeing the palm trees moving with the wind. Then I come back to Reality and the quacking has passed.
Also a fan of changing my number, never ever checking Facebook, nor talking to anyone I don't trust 100% about deeper matters..
When I joined I ignored the ones that were telling truths I didn't want to hear.. but now I read them again and it doesn't hurt anymore... quite the contrary, it sets me free...
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
ItsMeAlice I get it , sometimes I think its "all about me" and I forget other people are also going through their own issues, stress, problems, maybe health problems and they can act or react in certain ways that have little to do with me... I am glad you clarified things with your friend!
Some posts are difficult to read and very sad ...
Some posts are difficult to read and very sad ...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
:rotfxko
I don' use the feature. There was a point in my recovery where I concentrated very hard on not responding to my AW. I was a big responder when my AW triggered me. So sometimes when I read a thread and get fired up, I remind myself that I need to practice the no-reaction behaviors.
I don' use the feature. There was a point in my recovery where I concentrated very hard on not responding to my AW. I was a big responder when my AW triggered me. So sometimes when I read a thread and get fired up, I remind myself that I need to practice the no-reaction behaviors.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Good post (((Cryanoak)))! I've only got one person on my ignore list, but I have had to tell people I care about that I needed to "step back" from their posts, as I'd shared all the ES&H I had, I wished them the best, but I had nothing else to offer.
I learned that from here. I came here, with the "you should do..." feeling, and quickly learned that's not what SR, or recovery, are about. I was so new at the recovery thing, what the heck did I know about what someone else should do?
I've also learned, from ((Ann)) and others that if something "sets me off", I need to sit on my hands and think about it, before I post. Don't ALWAYS have that self control, but I try.
Having been through some situations, in my life, I also realize that it's easy to suggest something to do, but until you've BEEN through it, it's not always that easy. I do agree with the kids thing....I have a real hard time reading "but I LOVE him/her" as the kids are going through he!!. There have been a few times I've suggested they read through the ACOA thread to see what the effects do to kids. Other times, I've just not gotten involved in those threads.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I learned that from here. I came here, with the "you should do..." feeling, and quickly learned that's not what SR, or recovery, are about. I was so new at the recovery thing, what the heck did I know about what someone else should do?
I've also learned, from ((Ann)) and others that if something "sets me off", I need to sit on my hands and think about it, before I post. Don't ALWAYS have that self control, but I try.
Having been through some situations, in my life, I also realize that it's easy to suggest something to do, but until you've BEEN through it, it's not always that easy. I do agree with the kids thing....I have a real hard time reading "but I LOVE him/her" as the kids are going through he!!. There have been a few times I've suggested they read through the ACOA thread to see what the effects do to kids. Other times, I've just not gotten involved in those threads.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
First of all, Cyrano:
THANK YOU. I needed that today, as I go through the process of laying down hard rules for when and with what conditions RRAXH (that would be RelapsedRAXH) will be allowed to see his children.
Secondly -- I see Alice's point, but I also see yours, and I think that it's wonderful that the function is there for those who want to use it when we want to use it. There are times when we are stronger and can handle more and give more advice and share more love and wisdom. And then there are times when we are filled to the gills with our own **** and just want to scream at people, "DON'T YOU GET IT!??!?!?"
Like you so correctly stated -- it's not them, it's you (or me). And any tools we can find to help us navigate, whether it's ignoring people or deliberately not ignoring, it's a tool for us.
I would be sad if anyone started feeling worried about whether they are on someone's ignore list. (I don't have one here; I do on other boards.) Because who and what I can handle dealing with at any given time is really just in my own head.
Third: Abused women. I go in spurts on those threads. Having been one myself, and being in recovery from that as well, I have the greatest sympathy and I get it -- I get that particular brand of stinking thinking. I really do. And I know that means I have almost an obligation to other women in that situation to help as I am able. But that last part -- "as I am able" -- is where it's at. For all of us. And backing away rather than saying something that's not helpful is a good thing. And for times when we don't have it in us to do that -- all hail the ignore function!
No parent at all cannot do nearly the damage an alcoholic parent does.
Secondly -- I see Alice's point, but I also see yours, and I think that it's wonderful that the function is there for those who want to use it when we want to use it. There are times when we are stronger and can handle more and give more advice and share more love and wisdom. And then there are times when we are filled to the gills with our own **** and just want to scream at people, "DON'T YOU GET IT!??!?!?"
Like you so correctly stated -- it's not them, it's you (or me). And any tools we can find to help us navigate, whether it's ignoring people or deliberately not ignoring, it's a tool for us.
I would be sad if anyone started feeling worried about whether they are on someone's ignore list. (I don't have one here; I do on other boards.) Because who and what I can handle dealing with at any given time is really just in my own head.
Third: Abused women. I go in spurts on those threads. Having been one myself, and being in recovery from that as well, I have the greatest sympathy and I get it -- I get that particular brand of stinking thinking. I really do. And I know that means I have almost an obligation to other women in that situation to help as I am able. But that last part -- "as I am able" -- is where it's at. For all of us. And backing away rather than saying something that's not helpful is a good thing. And for times when we don't have it in us to do that -- all hail the ignore function!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 132
I can not wait for the day that I am far enough along in my recovery, that someone else's stuff trigger's me!
When I can read someone else's post and say (to myself)
"What the hell are you doing? Get outa there!"
Got a ways to go, but I'll get there.
When I can read someone else's post and say (to myself)
"What the hell are you doing? Get outa there!"
Got a ways to go, but I'll get there.
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