HoopNinja

xah has been pushing for 50-50 placement. It is very apparent he is doing this so he does not have to pay child support (he told me if we did 50-50 placement he could buy a house, has sent me emails telling me he would pay all child support for April and May in one chunk-like some sort of bribe???)

Anyway, I recall both my attorneys telling me not to change the order for a minimum of 2 years unless all of a sudden xah became a billionaire or his behavior became so bad that his periods of placement should be supervised.

The order is only 6 months old and he is trying to change it. I just sent him an email and in very legal terms and mostly 3rd person language (not many I believe, etc.). Just sent it 15 minutes ago and now feel sick to my stomach. I know it is going to make him angry because he does not want to pay child support (he thinks he is paying me so will never give me an extra dime if the kids want to do special activities or need something extra for school or other things). What he pays me barely makes a dent in the household budget and he has suddenly come up with lots of cash. I did not ask him where it came from and I am NOT asking for more child support.

He is not a stable person and sometimes the kids come home upset. Other times they come home and have had a very good time with the Dad. I encourage them to see their dad and talk to him during the week. When he has them he will not allow them to call me and when I call he will not answer his phone and will not have the kids call me back. At one point older DS was fearful of his dad so I gave him a cell phone. xah would take it away from him as soon as he walked through the door.

So already I am looking over my shoulder. Wondering if I should call the kids' therapist to let her know I emailed him that the order would stay as is (since he knows I take off early every other Friday to take the kids there and might show up). I am thinking-maybe we should not stay at home this weekend.

Recently I posted one of his disturbing emails. That was over him not being able to use the same accountant to do the taxes.

I really truly hate that I am still this afraid of him.

MyBetterWorld

That just really sucks. I am going through a similar situation, except we go to court on the 28th to establish child support. He also never answers his phone when my kids are there, half the time he shuts it off. Makes me crazy with worry.

I guess I would just keep documenting emails, things the kids tell you, etc. If he is anything like my XAH his bark is probably much worse than his bite. Deep down I'm sure he knows that he wouldn't get 50-50 placement. If he wants to try to change the order, let him try. He won't. He just wants you to do it so he is not the "bad guy" It sounds extremely manipulative to me. They bully and bully but don't let down your guard or your boundaries. Eventually he will realize that he is fighting a losing battle.

Stay strong!
M

nodaybut2day

I can totally empathize as I continue to be terrified that my XAH will suddenly pop back into my life and start demanding visitation again...or worse, take DD and run. He is not the most stable person around, and with the drugs/alcohol he takes, it doesn't help his delusions.

I second anvil's suggestion about keeping all discussion strictly about visitation and nothing further. You can let his demanding emails unanswered, and if they are threatening, forward them to your lawyer. If he does want the order changed, then the onus is on him to get the ball rolling. Things are still very fresh right now, and I do remember there was a period of upheaval after I separated from XAH. He tried various tactics to get me to react and it didn't help when DD would come home disturbed or covered in blood. Right now, the best reaction would be go to "LALALALALA" to anything and everything he tries to discuss that doesn't pertain to visitation.

*hugs* to you.

HoopNinja

I don't talk to him about anything but visitation times. I told him in his last psychotic email that unless he could use a civil tone I would not respond to his emails. I do answer the phone when he calls on the off chance it is the kids. If he starts in I hang up.

I am getting phones (because we need a house phone since I only use a cell). I am getting one for older DS again. The thing is he talks to me about sneaking into the bathroom and turning on the fan so he can talk to me--or texting me so his dad does not know. He tells me that he has seen his Dad ignore my phone calls. The last 3 times younger DS came home he was in tears and told me he missed me all weekend but Daddy would not let him call. He is a 1st class jerk. He's an addict so of course it is all about him.

I just keep documenting. That is all I can do.

I no longer have an attorney since the divorce is final-and quite honestly I cannot afford one anymore. I am $15,000 in debt due to legal fees to divorce xah because he would not engaged or would cause problems.

I think I will get myself a binder and just start putting in all his emails and the things the kids tell me. I have considered recording my kids. . .and putting it on a CD. Sometimes kids will not tell the truth because they don't want to betray the other parent or are afraid of them (I used to be a criminal defense investigator and saw this all the time--now I see it in my own children sometimes).

marie678

That sounds scary to me too. I agree with the others about not engaging him in discussions about the court stuff. If he wants to change that, he can discuss his options with his lawyer and go from there.

As for taking the phone away from your child and not allowing them to talk to you when they're with him, that kind of worries me. If it were me, I would probably put a little go phone or something in your child's backpack for just in case your XAH gets out of control while they are there and tell them not to use it unless it's an emergency and something is really wrong.

I hope it gets better for you.