Buffalo66

RAH says he has panicky scary feelings when w son.

Has not really tried to see him, he agreed to my assertion that he should not be alone with him.

I don't know if he is just avoiding adult life responsibility, or if he has a real PTSD anxiety issue, here.

Can't even tell if tough love is appropriate.
He is dragging his heels on getting help for it( work schedule...quack quack).

I am going along to "supervise".

I am nervous. Son has been calmer and having more consistency with limited exposure to RAH.
But I don't want to deny him his right to see son.

We have had clear and seemingly non manipulative conversations about this.

Note: RAH used to have the same problem w panic, feelings of being ungrounded when riding/ driving a car, and that has subsided.
He says he thought the same would happen with son, and that being with son is the only area of his life, now, where he experiences this issue.

I can't tell. Don't know what to think, but he is respecting my decisions around it, and this is the first outing in awhile.

Thoughts?

Buffalo66

Oh, we are going to the zoo, and we have a plan if he becomes erratic or odd. He is working with me on this, I just can't tell if I am being conned and I dont even know to what end that would be...

Thumper

I have dealt with similar in the past. I have related questions now. I can't even come up with coherent ESH because I just don't know. Looking forward to the replies.

LS2

I think you are handing it well with clear bounderies. Your not responsible for his feels of anxiety and PTSD, let him handle that part.

I think if I was in this situation with my kids, I would find someone else to "supervise" Unless you truly want to go with, you know? If it's causing stress on you to do this for his visits with your son.

Buffalo66

It was a pretty nice day, with son getting sick at the end of zoo visit (flu, I think)...


But, he(RAH) was decent, and present. He did say one thing under his breath in ear shot of me. He said, "man.I really need to see a therapist."

So...He brought us home, stayed for a minute, tried to initiate sex with me, which I refused, then he got miffed, and said goodbye. LOL.

Same old thing in that department.

BUt, I am glad my son got to have a "normal" nice day with his dad. Its been a while.

jamaicamecrazy

It sounds like you feel good about the way things turned out. You were there for your son and had his best interest in mind. I would suggest that if you are in a place where you cannot handle it, then find someone else to go on the outing. You are also giving your RAH the message that you are there for your son-NOT for him. He needs to take care of himself. It sounds like he is having some self awareness by making that comment. Maybe as things progress he will be more comfortable around your son on his own and he will address his parenting skills. BUt that is for HIM not you to decide.
Good luck to you.

Ladybug0130

The sex thing scares me because my AH does that too, tries to initiate sex every time he sees me. If I say no he gets really pissy.

I had a thought last night that freaked me out. My AH was always faithful to me as far as I know, but he has gone so crazy that I don't know what (or who) he's doing when I am not there. I also know he has so little regard for his own life that he would probably have unprotected sex with some chick at a bar, I just don't know because his behavior is so totally uncharacteristic of what I know. I started to freak out that he could potentially give me an STD or something and I am now sticking to my guns that I am not having sex with him (in fact, I am pretty much no contact so it shouldn't be an issue) anymore. If he bugs me, I am calling the cops. I don't care, my life is too important and my kids need me too much to endanger myself in that way. Just something to think about...keep protecting yourself!