celticghirl

I think i may have always been bordering on the edge but never quite getting there and i believe i am now hanging off by the skin of my teeth.

I have realised all of my bad decisions have been made when i was under the influence and every time i drink now there are always consequences.
I am always having to apologise for my behaviour and always feel as though i have got something to feel guilty about even if an most of the time i dont remember anyway.

I dont drink as often as i used to when i was with my exabf but when i do drink i drink way too much in a short space of time and thats when my behavior and dignity go out the window.

I had a bottle of wine last night and rang some prison that i thought he might be in????? i know im an ass,i also finally got round to txting my friend who i havent spoke to in a long time(thats fine) but what bothers me is, had it been a normal alcohol free night i wouldnt have done the above.

Oh god i dont know anymore,i dont know whether im co-dependant,depressed,alcoholic or what but it sure is messing with my mind and i feel overwhelmed.

I dont know but it helps to write this x

celticghirl

co-dependant,depressed,alcoholic ... or all three probably !

Cyranoak

Charlie Sheen would call that "Triple-Winning!" But, good on you for recognizing you have a problem. And good on you that you know how to address it.

Good luck!

Cyranoak

OklaBH

None of your issues will ever be solved with alcohol. The booze will make everything worse. While drunk I found #'s on the internet of people I hadn't spoken to in YEARS. When sober things like that never cross my mind. I wish there was a cure but there's not. We have to learn how to deal with it or eventually it will kill us.

sandrawg

I'm sorry you're going through this. Have you ever gone to an AA meeting?

wicked

Another one for the triple winners club!
I am all three too.
:ghug3

As an alcoholic, I would say, go to some meetings and talk about your drinking there.
As a codependent, get Codependent No More, and find some AlAnon meetings.
Then for the depressive disorder, see a psychiatrist and if you cant see one right away try for another support group for those with mood disorders.
I have seen them (groups) available at the local hospitals.

Of course, you must stop drinking for any depressive medications to work (if you need any at all).
You must stop drinking for anything to work.
:ghug3


Beth

ANEWAUGUST

Another triple winner here!

Wicked said it all...just remember, you aren't alone..

Dee74

great advice here celticghirl

I'm glad you've realised that, whatever, you may eventually call it/them, you have a problem/s - that really is the first hurdle down

D

Buffalo66

I did not really have a drinking problem, but. I found that it was a heck of a lot harder to keep boundaries and have good judgement if I consumed.

I can say this, the many times that went back to A , or rather, let him come back, I was drinking when it started to snowball.

I also had times when I would wish I did not drink, but would still find myself at a bar with him.

NOw, when he started to wean off, I decided I would be supportive. I chose to abstain. I stopped before he did.

Its been seven months and I went out for drinks ONE night since then.

I did not enjoy myself, really and I drank very little.
I can only say this, whether you have a drinking "problem" or you are using alcohol to medicate pain, the drinking is a problem for you.

Or else you would not have mentioned it here.

I know that my choices, my life, my mornings, my weekends, my days, nights, and my relationships are all clearer, and easier to deal with without alcohol in the mix.

And that doesnt even approach the feeling of sicness the next day, which started to be a few days for me. I would drink, and find it would take me two days just to get back to level, even if I was very moderate.

I am so glad I do not feel sick and tired anymore.

I hope you get the help you need. Good for you.

Mld

Hi Celticghirl..... I know what you mean on feeling guilty and not even remembering. So many of my drunks were black out drunks and quite a few times I woke in jail not remembering what happend the nite before. I would wake and look around right away the guilt would come over me. I been sober for almost four years now. Its not easy but its possible. Only you yourself can take the next step. Hope this helps.

Tuffgirl

I still drink after the crazy train ride with the RAH, but I am very careful and very aware now. But for a while, I stopped completely because I was afraid of being an alcoholic like I knew he was. He also spent a great deal of time trying to convince me that I was one too.

I agree - going to a few AA meetings would be really beneficial, because even if you aren't an alcoholic, your drinking is causing problems for you.

sailorjohn

You wouldn't be the first person that discovered that they had the same problem as their spouse/partner.

If it's any consolation, I firmly believe that this isn't something you caught from him.

celticghirl

This made me laugh! whether it was supposed to or not!