nodaybut2day

I've been on SR for about a year and a few months now. I've met so many inspiring people and have learned a great deal from each and every one of them, whether they are helping me navigate stormy seas, or whether I'm giving them a helping hand. I've become "a true believer" in the overall message and philosophy of Al-Anon and I can see a huge benefit on my life from applying the principles I have learned.

A while ago, I used to be a high school teacher. I taught English but I also taught what's called "Moral Education". The curriculum was completely wide open so we could discuss just about anything, but of course, a bunch of parents blocked us from discussing sexuality. Having gained a lot of experience, I wonder if my students would have better been served by discussing (not endoctrinating them) the principles we all have learned here about codependence and healthy human relationships.

I know that what we have learned "the hard way" can't really be TAUGHT or inculcated into a person's mind; however, I'm starting to wonder if there isn't a dire need for children/teens to be given an opportunity to openly discuss/debate/consider what love, devotion, and all manners of relationships should consist of in order to be healthy.

This is all very theoretical and something I pulled out of my butt, but when I gave it some real thought, I started to see the value in it. In today's society, we are constantly bombarded with unhealthy and unrealistic ideas of what *love* is...in music, movies, books, etc. There really should be something "out there" (and I don't just mean Al-Anon, AA, Nar-Anon, etc) to counteract this bombardment and help people discover their own boundaries and learn how to stand by them.

I'm just rambling here, so feel free to shut me down...

Thumper

I 100% think you are on the right track. :nod:

wanttobehealthy

I think that would be brilliant as part of a curriculum. Teaching about how to navigate the real world and relationships of all sorts is to me at least as important if not more so than the content that we teach kids.

I'm a teacher and when I worked at a charter school for a number of years there was a curriculum that was part of each grade level that dealt with "character" education for lack of a better term. Kids had roundtable discussions about hypothetical scenarios where there was no right answer and all of which focused around morality, ethics, behaviors, beliefs etc....

It was definitely one of my favorite parts of teaching there.

Buffalo66

I sat in at a music school as a guest instructor/presenter a few years ago. It was a very prestigious performing art school, and many of the students there were struggling with group dynamics in a creative setting, whether it was in stage production, or bands.
I had spent 20ish years touring with a popular group, and was asked to present a class on interpersonal dynamics in a creative group setting, as well as personal upkeep while touring.

I knew what I wanted to present and I underestimated the emotional intelligence of my students.
The first class brought up many questions and issues about jealousy, becoming over involved in others dramas...

By the second class I had amended my lesson plan.

I distributed a hand out- It was this: from Marianne Williamson, via Nelson Mandela.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve…… the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Nelson Mandela

I feel that there is no greater or clearer comment to make about self upkeep than this.
It hits home with anyone, anyone dealing with any type of codependency.

We are taught to help others, to give til it hurts.
This is counter intuitive to the idea that we are here to fulfill a great destiny, that was set forth by a creator, and that plan is greater than anything we could conjure on our own.

The class LOVED this, these young adults really resonated with this. The discussions were fantastic, with many different views and interpretations.
i think it should be a middle school- high school staple.

OceanEyes21

I agree whole heartedly! I am still surprised that my kids have always managed to find other children (friends) who are in the same situation. Meaning a lot of kids coming up in some messed up settings learning more about survival than relationship. My kids had to put up with me in a fog until a few years ago. Before that, I can say I was useless to them in educating them on a healthy relationships or behaviors. I don't say this to be down on myself it's just realizing that I couldn't be helpful because I couldn't even see for myself. My first people I found who could help my kids were school counselors and teachers. They knew something was slightly off. They couldn't reconcile the well behaved, smart kids and me with some things they were picking up. Once I stopped covering and freely said, "We live with an A." The light bulbs went off and they were able to render aid. It was the missing puzzle piece.

Open guided discussions on these lines would benefit everyone. Wish I'd have had some. I didn't grow up with As but screwed up enough to settle for what I did end up with.

OceanEyes21

Oh thank you Buffalo66!!!!

I was told from an early age that my talents didn't count... To shoot lower because of security in the mundane. I have bucked the system only half way in my life. Even to this day it embarrasses me to shine... And guilty to like the compliment.

Thank you :ghug3

FindingPeace1

I am SUCH a believer in the 12 step messages! WOOHOO!

It amuses me how I see the world in terms of boundaries, now. So much of our behavior is not setting or setting boundaries or, geez, a boundary is really needed here!

It helps me with friends and at work!
The messages of H.A.L.T. and breathe and one day at a time...
I think they are basic life skills and SO important.

But the biggest for me is boundaries.

Choosing them, deserving them, following through...that is LIFE CHANGING!

Sylvie66

This would be a fantastic idea! I try to teach my kids about living a value-centered life, and how that can be expressed. Can you tell I just started doing this myself? I read the entire 'Laws of Success' - and then bought 5 copies for my kids.

I read over my mission statement every day. At the end, it says 'Everyone wins, or I don't play.'

- Sylvie

SoloMio

Buffalo, awesome quote!! Thank you so much. I needed this today.

nodaybut2day

I guess all this came about when I realized that *despite* coming from a healthy two-parent household (oooooh the coveted "intact family"!) and having a very normal childhood, I still managed to get myself in a world of trouble simply because I didn't know HOW to say "No, thank you, that's not what I want" and walk away. Boundary setting was not part of my education, whether at home or at school.

And then I came to SR and learned so much and continued to come to SR despite the fact that my XAH is no longer part of my life, because in helping others, I reinforced the Al-Anon message in myself. When new users come around and through our collective support, we support them as they find their path, I ask myself "why aren't we teaching our children about these crucial life skills?".

These days, there's such a focus on math, science, languages...and later on, getting the right degree that'll get you the right job that'll pay you the cash to get you the lifestyle you covet...there is no focus on learning about a balanced relationship with oneself and with others. We end up, especially those in North American society, learning about such things from Oprah (no diss to Oprah here) or from various self-help books. And yet, I see in my own life and in the life of others that "the Al-Anon/SR message" works. It's just a question of WHEN we find it. Some come to it earlier and others a bit later.

I don't know how I will do this exactly, but I do plan on modelling and teaching my daughter about boundaries and healthy relationships.

Jazzman

I tell you the lessons I learned about setting and maintaining boundaries and not being a push over have translated very well to parenting. I'm much better at sniffing out manipulation.

Kids these days can use all the help they can get. I was in South Beach a couple weeks ago and that place was packed with New Jersey spring breakers that looked like their only source of behavior and morality modeling was the Jersey Shore and MTV. Kids these days have a tough road ahead. (I know, I'm old).

LaTeeDa

Same here. I am a much better parent than I was five years ago, undoubtedly. I wish I had an opportunity to learn these lessons long before I got in my forties. (I'm old, too.)

L