homealone1

miss my aw in 30 day program. doesnt call us(kids and i). not sure if thats a good sign or not. not sure about anything really. afraid of the courts, her counselors, her story, her relapse, her 'out'. im trying to stay on me and the kids but with so much of 'our' lives hanging in 'her' balance im frightened! thx!

nodaybut2day

Al-Anon.

`Nuff said.

homealone1

thanks, went to 2nd meeting today in three days. theyre helpful for sure however i find myself feeling sad for everyone there b/c its their young children, or their h or w of 40 years dealing with this bs. its making the monster scarier.?????????????????????????????

aasharon90

My husband did an intervention on me getting
me help I so needed in my life 20 yrs ago. I
spent 28 days in rehab away from my husband
and 2 little ones. I was told when my 28 days
was up that I wouldnt stay sober if i went home
so they wanted to send me to a halfway house
out of state for 6 more weeks. I begged to not
send me away and that I would do whatever it
took to stay close to home. That was when they
tacked on a 6 week outpatiant aftercare program.

I returned home still holding on to resentments
for what my family did to me, but I did whatever
I needed to stay sober while being a mom and wife.

I continued on thru the yrs. working to build a solid
foundation in recovery while my kids grew and finished
college. My husband and I's marriage slowly decended
over our 25 yr marriage till it finally came to an end.

I grew in recovery while my family went on about their
lives not knowing what happened. When one person in
the family is sick with addiction, the entire family is affected.
That is why there r programs available for each member
of the family to grow into a healthy happy recovery way.

I needed family support which they were in a way they
were glad I didnt drink. But then they thought i was cured
and that i didnt have a drinking problem anymore. That
was true, but I had living problem and everything that goes
with it. People, places and things problem. In fact that was
why I drank in the first place.

Anyway....my 25 yrs ended on a positive note as my husband
remarried and so did I.

My kids are grown mature happy talented well adjusted little adults
now and what a blessing they r.

Addiction can be delt with and the results can be positive if all
who are affected by it work some sort of program to live by.

Today I am a happy, healthy sober Lady Harley Rider enjoying
the promises offered to us in our Awesome program of
Alcoholics Anonymous.

barb dwyer

welcome!

nodaybut2day

Good for you for attending Al-Anon. Keep it up!

Yes, it IS sad to see how deeply addiction affects so many people, including children. However, there is a very real sense of camaraderie to be had in face to face support. I would also recommend individual counselling for you, and if you feel it is necessary, for your children.

Addiction is only a monster if we let it be so.

returntonormal

I'm new here, so don't have any advice, but wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in your anxiety. What helps me is to remember and repeat the serenity prayer frequently.

Latte

I am so glad you are here.

Stick around!

Everyone here is wonderfully supportive.

This will be an amazing journey, whatever happens.

homealone1

thx, very appreciated. got a serenity payer coin at mtg today. i fear it may start to rust from all the sweat in my palms, maybe just keep it in my pocket?

coffeedrinker

homealone,

first of all, WELCOME to soberrecovery. this is an absolutely first-rate site. i came here so broken and confused, and although i still have miles to go before i sleep, i credit this forum for most of my positive strides in the past year and a half.

the very difficult-to-manage condition, for me, is anxiety.

"what if he's not really sober?"
"what if he relapses?"
"but does he really truly love me?"
"why is he doing this, that, the other thing?"
"what does that mean?"

and an endless litany of other worries.

If you can get that worry under wraps, you will do yourself a huge service. You see, one minute of concern or worry might make sense, but any more than that is a waste of time....it's not productive. Right?

Your AW will do what she will do. You can stand by and watch, and live your life to the best of your abilities. Easy to say, hard to do.

As for her not contacting home....Rehab is INTENSE. Take everything you know in your life, and change it. It's painful, it's constant, it's real. Look at her minimal contact as a sign of strength.

homealone1

the eye of the needle as it were, thank you.' recognizing the worry as unproductive' i can do, getting it 'under wraps'....not so much.

Cyranoak

Neither your life nor the kids is hanging in the balance. Very dramatic sounding though, and in my drama king days I would have said it too.

If she never came back you could be fine if you chose too. If she never came back the kids can be fine if you choose for them to. I have a buddy who was orphaned as a child. He's fine. Did he deal with the pain and loss of his parent's death? He had to. He felt the pain. He endured the loss. He kept living. He's a healthy successful adult.

Anybody can do it if they choose to do so. Anybody. Even you and your kids.

Take care, let her be, love yourself, love your children.

Keep going to Alanon.

Cyranoak

homealone1

i know. the task is daunting. your insight all over this board soothes my brain. ive read each of them with admiration of your wisdom that only comes from experience. the churchill quote i ran across is helpful, something like if you find yourself going through hell, keep going! thx.