A few questions re: Alanon Mtgs
 

I recently realized that my break from Alanon meetings has lasted pretty much the entire school year. My excuses for stopping were initially

• the need to find one that fits in with my adjusted work schedule and shortened lunch 'hour' to accommodate drop off and pick up times for DS during the school year
• conflicting schedules with counselling sessions and DV support group meetings
• being pushed to lead the Alanon group because I was one of the very few consistent faces who would arrive on time. When I told them I was not comfortable leading "Oh COME ON! *disgusted eye-roll expression* You just read from the notebook." Ummm, I already said "No, thank you." and wow, that tone and face you just threw at me really makes me want to lead the group...

So today I got online looking for other meetings.... There are 19 meetings listed. 19 total. The most offered on any one day is 4. OK.... maybe there are open AA meetings I could go to until school is out and my schedule allows for a lunch meeting again.... There are 2 pages in tiny, tiny font of available AA meetings, with the lightest day being about 20 meetings to choose from.

Is this normal? I mean, I'm glad that there are that many AA meetings to support recovering A's, but shouldn't there be just as many Alanon meetings? Why aren't there?

Are there other Alanon meeting lists out there that I'm missing? (I'm thinking not.)

With the evening ones, they don't say Kids OK (well, none do), none have child care available... Would it be rude to show up with DS6yo in tow and dinner for both of us in a bag since we'd be going right from work/picking him up from aftercare to the meeting?

Of the AA meetings listed, only 7 (one meeting same time/location each day) are listed as open. And it's one of the two XAH told the court he goes to. (I truly doubt he goes, because 1. I truly doubt he goes and 2. where the meeting is held - it's not all shiny-new and up to XAH's standards... but if he does go, I'm not at all comfortable being there impinging on his recovery and abusive self...) If other meetings don't say they're closed, are they open?

Back to Alanon - what are Speaker Meetings? Ditto the dinner question here.
Thanks all!

Wish I could help but I thought the same thing about tons of AA meetings vs. only a handful of alanon meetings (and I live in a very populated area). There is really only one that fits in with my day.

I think someone on here was having issues finding a meeting too and I believe someone said on here they have chat alanon type meetings or there is a site that does. It was just in the last few days I saw it so maybe look around and see if you find it or maybe that same person will see your request here.

How rude of that person to try to force you to lead! That would not make me feel comfortable at all! If you end up going back there hold your ground and just keep saying no... you have every right to!

Good luck! I know how much I am getting out of Alanon and I sure hope you are able to reconnect with a group soon.

Normal rules apply. Quiet kids and food that is quiet and not too aromatic are not disruptive. Loud kids and stinky food are disruptive. Let that be your guide.

As for the meetings, there are far more alcoholics looking for AA meetings than there are Alanonics looking for Alanon meetings. I know somebody who started a Wednesday meeting from 5:30 to 6:30 themselves because it worked for their schedule. It turns out it worked for a lot of other people's schedules too.

P.s. Speaker meetings are where one person shares the whole time (sometimes two). They can be pretty awesome. I almost always find them compelling. I've been bored out of my mind, too, but rarely.

Take care,

Cyranoak

OK. Makes sense - so the kimchi is out ;)

There is only one Ananon meeting in our are that offers childcare. It is at a church and is on wed/sun nights for that reason. might snoop around..

I have only been attending about 3/4 months but I have never seen anyone bring a kiddo...........

good luck in your quest

I can relate also. There are very few alanon meetings available in my area also, that fit into my work schedule and the kids school schedule. Does anyone know if I can get a sponser through the online alanon? Does anyone else use the online alanon and can you work the steps through that sight?

uncertainty,

What drives the organization, and continuation of any self-help, or 12-step meeting, is the group that shows up. Your discomfort or unwillingness to lead multiplied by a hundred thousand, would yield zero al-anon meetings.

I was missing my regular al-anon meeting for several weeks, and my co-worker who is a.a. was scolding me a bit - saying I need to get back, need to make it a priority. I thought about it for awhile, and then had a conversation with her in which I said that when I feel over-controlling, or really hurt or a number of other things, I know I need a meeting or two (or 10) and I then go. She said, "makes sense; I guess it's different for us addicts -- we NEED those meetings -- I NEED those meetings, to stay sober.
So, I think it's important, but not as life-saving-ly critical. In the same way that is.

I think the eye-roll and/or snotty tone of voice is unacceptable in a caring group (that is supposed to be all about support!). However, a few members at my al-anon meeting gently encourage folks to push past their initial discomfort and they have without exception felt rewarded and grateful when they did step up to serve. In our meeting, the "leader" serves for 3 months, and often two people split the duty so it's not overwhelming. Your group gets to make its own rules.

Few meetings have child care, but they do exist. Perhaps start something up at your home group? It would need to be brought up at your business meeting. Remember, your group gets to make the rules, and your voice is just as powerful as each other member's.
You are not just a follower, you are a full-fledged member. As for the other unseemly things going on at that meeting, if you can't easily find another, "take what you like, and leave the rest" applies.

(I have brought a kid, set her down out in the hallway with a book)

You know, the Twelfth Step is carrying the message. If you only go to meetings when you "need" one, who is there to help the newcomer? Part of the reason so many Al-Anon meetings turn into bitch-fests or sob-fests (as the ones I used to go to sometimes did) is because there isn't enough solid recovery in the room.

If you need a group that meets at a better time, start one. Start leading meetings so you know how to do it. Service is good for everyone--not just alcoholics in AA. :)