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He checked out

Old 04-12-2011, 07:21 AM
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He checked out

Ughhh, now what?

The center called to let me know, I tried to talk to him, he was hell-bent on leaving. Wanted me to come get him. I am working.

He is on the bus headed this way. I am considering quitting my job today and just going home to my parents until I can find a house there to rent. This sucks, I have never quit a teaching job in the middle of the year.

He is quacking about AA and resources they gave him when he was checking out. He is begging for yet another chance.

This morning I noticed how I had started to breathe again. I was so hoping he would stay and get something out of rehab.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:26 AM
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DO NOT quit your job, do not do not do not.

You don't have to let him back into your house or back into your life. That is YOUR choice, not his, not anyone else's.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:27 AM
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You definitely need to find another place to live. Since the house belongs to him, he's not going anywhere. It is obvious he has no plans for recovery. I hope you don't fall for the quacking. Please figure out a way to get yourself and your daughter out of this mess. You both deserve better.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:29 AM
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Well crap, X. So much for that, huh? I am so sorry.

Do what you have to to protect yourself and your life. Can you find a temporary place to stay to finish your teaching job?

Going to Al-Anon meetings? That'll help you detach and stay detached.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:29 AM
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Aah, I missed the part that it was his house. than yes, find another place to live. A hotel will work for the short term, until you can find something else(even a one bedroom apartment)
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:29 AM
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Yeah, problem is that it is his house.

I sold my house 6 months ago when I packed up my life and moved to be with him. The only way I can keep my job right now is to find an apartment for 2 months or to live with him.

Getting an apartment means finding a sublease or someone who wants to give me a 2.5 month lease that includes some furnature.

At the end of the school year I would likely move back home. i know that I will have a job for the new school year. I left the district in good terms.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:30 AM
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I'm at my parents' house. Been here for 2 mts. My hubby's claiming I didn't try to work things out, so he's giving me hell. On the plus side, I don't think he's drank since I left.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:31 AM
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I agree on the No Job Quit. You only have a short time left this school year, and you don't want to have to live with the repercussions of a hasty decision, which is really just running away.

Now...I get running away. You have every reason to want to.

I haven't been on every one of your threads, so I don't know what things you have tried putting in place for your daughter and yourself. You are a competent professional, and a wage-earner. House-sharing with a female comes to mind.

Please check in here. Worried about this appearance...
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:32 AM
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School goes that long there? It's done here in 5 weeks. Wow...
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:38 AM
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Don't quit your job. Move if you have to but don't quit. Finish your commitment then haul ass if you want to. Do not look back. I am the A and I am telling you don't even think twice.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:39 AM
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I'm sorry.

You've been her long enough now that you can see the folks here have been giving you excellent guidance-- please consider that the guidance they give you today is probably coming from a great deal of experience and strength. Take that experience and strength, learn from it, and there will be hope for your tomorrows.

Just trust them when they tell you not to touch the stove because it's hot and you will get burned. If you do get burned and you already have been, they can help you find a way to make the pain go away (there will be scars, but they'll fade over time and recovery). They know from experience, a collective years and years and years of experience. It's there for you. Take advantage of it.

Or, you can be like me and put your hand on the stove and keep it there for the next ten years.

Take care,

Cyranoak
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:39 AM
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I'm so sorry of this turn of events, but considering how reluctant he was when he left, i'm not surprised. Having to give up his booze and face his demons didn't seem to sit well with him.

What can you do short term?

a) a weekly hotel rental until you can find a sublet
b) look on Craigslist for shared accomodations, perhaps with another mama, seeing you'll be bringing your child with you.
c) POST on Craigslist yourself to find something
d) if you feel comfortable, perhaps discreetly discuss your situation with your superior so he or she knows how precarious things are right now.
e) take some time for yourself...perhaps arrange for a night out someplace, go to an Al-Anon meeting...Now more than ever, when you're trying to extricate yourself from a difficult situation, it's a good idea to remember the HALT rules (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired).

Keep posting XXXXXXX. We`re here for you.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:50 AM
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Take a few days off if need be to have time to breathe and problem solve without the stress of "performing" at work. I am a teacher too and I know it's hard to perform in front of the class when you're falling apart/stressed out inside.

Is there anyone you are friends with at work who might have a connection housing wise or might want a short term roommate?

I'd want to quit too and head out of town but from the outside looking in, think about how much that would hurt you long term in terms of not having good references, trouble getting another job etc... Is there anyone at work you can talk to? Most districts have something called an Employee Assistance Program- you can get the # from HR or your principal and they have resource info about everything from legal help, counseling, housing etc... Maybe look into that?

If I could do it over again, when my AH refused to go to inpatient rehab I would have said "bye, have a great life". Instead I listened to his quacking about how he was going to do it on his own. 4 months later and he's worse than ever, court involved and in danger of losing his job. And I have paid dearly on a personal emotional/health and professional level bc of how I've let this impact me.

Walk away now and don't look back. When you are tempted to return his calls/texts, post here. I wish I'd done that!
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:57 AM
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So sorry to hear this news.

I am sorry that you have to deal with him, his problem, and his lack of committment to recovery.

I am sorry that he didn't take the opportunity for help when he had it.

Alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages...
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:59 AM
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Remember, he is still a SICK person!!

He is so sick, he doesnt even know it yet.....

Take care of you...HUGS!!!
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Old 04-12-2011, 08:42 AM
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I am so sick right now, it is lunchbreak. His bus is headed this way. He will get to the house before I can get there.

Yesterday I took the extra clothes I usually keep in my trunk out of there. I don't even have gym clothes for the Y.

I guess I could go to target and get an outfit or two for me and dd. I could go to a hotel.

I have been watching subleases. I was supposed to go look at one, it is gone now.

I need to leave here, but I'm out of sick time. I took a couple of days last month during one of his binges when I went to the beach.

I need to pull myself together before my kids get back in. I am intervention, so I pull kids out of their regular classroom.
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Old 04-12-2011, 08:48 AM
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I guess I would shore myself up for some serious QUACKING.
He is going to lay it thick, he is going to say he learned what he needed to learn, and that he doesnt need the whole program.

Stick to your guns. He did not commit to this.

I am so sorry. I hope HP provides you with options ASAP!
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Old 04-12-2011, 08:48 AM
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2 thoughts:

1. Go talk to your supervisor NOW (if he/she is someone you can trust). Explain in brief what's happening. Go home get whatever you can quickly and get out.

2. Make it through the day (I know far too well how hard that is) but call the police NOW and arrange for a police escort to get your things. They will go with you so you can get your things and if your BF/H (sorry that I can't remember which it is) acts up, they'll be there so you'll be safe.

Can you do one of those things? I think a side effect/benefit of the police escort is that there will be a documented record that he was in rehab, checked himself out and is NOT safe for you to be around.
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Old 04-12-2011, 08:55 AM
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Sending you giant from Montreal, Quebec.

Take some time to do a bit of deep breathing. I found that really helps to center me when I get frantic.

You can do this.

Your mind is already coming up with solutions. Yes, you can get a few essentials at Target...perhaps you can ask a family member to go by the house and pick up your things for you tomorrow.

Once the school day is up, get online to look for a hotel rental nearby your work and your DD's school. Once that is done, give yourself permission to "check out", not call anyone or take any calls, and just enjoy your urban camping with your DD.

If you need more brainstorming ideas, you can come here and we'll help you think this through.

You can do this. Remember HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired).

Remember to breathe.
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Old 04-12-2011, 09:01 AM
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My X did the same thing back over a year ago now. I refused to go get him. I was sick and paranoid all day at work, and when I got home he wasn't there. I eventually called the treatment center and they told me he went back in. Apparantly, he put my name on his "ok to give info to" list. You should maybe try to call there, if he truly didn't leave you could save yourself a whole lot of worry!
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