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Old 04-12-2011, 10:10 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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They called me and said he was gone. He called and talked to me and I could tell that he was at the bus station. The bus is at 1 and he will be back here around 2. The earliest I can leave is 2:15 unless I ask to leave early. I left early on Friday because of these same issues.
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Old 04-12-2011, 10:18 AM
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Ok, so he left and he's coming back. You knew this.

Can I suggest turning off your cell phone and NOT talking to him, at least for tonight? You know that any discussion with him, especially right now, is going to be pointless.
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Old 04-12-2011, 10:30 AM
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Deep breath.

Is he aggressive? I can't remember - sorry. If he is then it makes sense to not set foot near him. If he isn't....

Can you find a friend for your daughter to hang with until supper?

I'd go home, ignore his quacking, get the things you need, do not engage with him, and then rent a motel for a few days until you can figure out a solution for the rest of the school year. If he is there and badgers you, tell him you'll have a discussion at some other time. Keep repeating that. There is a good chance he won't even be there.

That can get expensive but if your family is willing to let you live with them, maybe you can get some short term assistance from them. My family really came through for me and although I haven't asked for help since I moved out of the house I accepted it when I was going through this. I'm glad I did.

Spread the word at school that you need a temp. place and the other staff might really come through in helping you find something. Our school is great at helping teachers out that way so hoping yours is too.

When we initially hear these things (especially when you had counted on something else) it knocks us down and throws us into sort of a panic. No one has been seriously injured, no fires need to be put out. He's doing the same thing he's been doing for a long time now. He's being an alcoholic. An important part of my recovery was to not freak out every time he created chaos. Breath and put it in perspective.
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Old 04-12-2011, 10:37 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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What a horrible feeling.
You can get through this, though! Absolutely!

I agree with the don't quit your job sentiment.

In my area, sometimes people will put their house up for sale, and move themselves out, but allow someone else to stay there and rent while the house is for sale. It provides them the income to pay the mortgage on the house they're selling, in addition to the mortgage or rent for wherever they moved, while they continue to try and sell the house.
It would be a short term solution, but with the housing market the way it is, it might provide enough time for you to find something better until the end of the school year?
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Old 04-12-2011, 10:41 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Since his parents were involved in getting him to go to rehab, how about calling them, and asking if one of them could meet him at the bus station and 'divert' him from the house for a few hours until you can get a few things for you and your daughter as you do not want to be there when he returns.

It's worth a shot. Otherwise, like you said, pick up a few things at Target for you and DD, find a hotel/motel room for a few days, and really start looking for a sublet or a 'month to month' lease as they have the property up for sale. Sometimes those are easier to find. You rent it for the first month, give them notice for another 30 days and head home to your folks.

Now, there is an exercise that will help RIGHT NOW. Take a very deep slow breath. Hold to the count of 10, exhale slowly. Repeat 10 times. This will slow down your heart rate, slow down the oxygen getting to your brain, thus slow down the brain a bit, etc Repeat as needed the rest of the afternoon.

Keep us posted on how YOU and DD are doing as we do care so very much.

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-12-2011, 11:34 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I've listened to quacking for a year now, so a couple more hours probably won't hurt. As long as he is not drinking, and I just talked to him and he wasn't. In fact, I bet it is probably 2-3 days before he takes another drink. I'm leaving here in 45 minutes and getting some things from the house. If I can make it to Friday at a friend's house or a hotel (I think although I have an offer of a place to be, I would be more comfortable at a hotel) then Spring Break is next week and I had planned on being gone anyway.
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Old 04-12-2011, 11:56 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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There you go, XXXXXXXX! One step at a time, and you'll get through this. Just keep your focus on you and doing your thing!
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Old 04-12-2011, 12:25 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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I'm sorry hun. My AH did the same thing the prior 3 (maybe 4..I've lost track) times he went to rehab. I was naive enough to give in to his quacking and go get him. You sound like you have a good plan. Stick with it girl. Hang in there and take care!!
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Old 04-12-2011, 12:36 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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There's only what - a months left of school, give or take?

There's GOT to be someone on the faculty there
who needs to rent out their basement area
or wants to share rent for a month
just to get through this semester/quarter
then you can go to parents?

There's also hotels that rent monthly
I know for a fact hotels like Days Inn do.
kitchenette it the key word to look up/.

prayers for you this afternoon and evening
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:50 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I don't remember the back story but is he abusive?

If not, is there a way to set clear boundaries/sleeping arrangements in the house until you decide what you need to do?

Not sure of the ages of your kids either but this is a lot of drama for them (pulling them out of the home abruptly) so the more careful you can do this, the better for all.

I guess what I'm saying is as long as you feel your kids and your SAFETY is not at risk around him, then look into other living arrangements that won't cost you the job, etc etc.

There is a differecne between 'acting' and 'reacting'.

Stop and catch your breath.
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Old 04-12-2011, 09:53 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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My heart broke for you when I read your thread title. I have to say though, I was not surprised that he only lasted this long. He just doesn't want it.

You already know what you need to do, and YOU CAN DO IT. Keep you and your daughter safe. Get and stay as far away from this unbalanced and unpredictable man as possible.
Hugs to you
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Old 04-12-2011, 10:18 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Hey guys, the microtel total has free wi-fi and breakfast.
I went to bed at 830. He tOld me at 8 that he needed to go to walgreens and fill a prescription. He came home at 930 and woke me up. He was trashed. He told me that he had taken Librium and xanax. He was really out of it, so I called 911.

He denied taking the drugs with the beer when the cops came. He had not broken any laws, they didn't feel like he needed medically evaluated. They told me I should leave.

I really have nearly made the decision to leave tomorrow. Even if I could find an apartment in my daughters school district, I have no help with her and it is overwhelming to think of what we would need to do to make it work.

For example, the earliest I can drop her at before school is 7am. I have to be at work at 7. I talked to my principal and they said I can come in a little late on every day but Wednesday, when I have morning duty.

I can't do that in the morning. Things keep getting harder. The easy way out is to resign tomorrow and pack it up. Then instead of spending my savings moving to an apartment here and struggling to make the year work, I can start my new life.

It's my reset button. 5 hours away from here.

Cowards way out, maybe. I don't want to think of it that way.
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Old 04-12-2011, 10:58 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by XXXXXXXXX
Cowards way out, maybe. I don't want to think of it that way.
sorry to hear about all this mess he crated.

i don't think it's a coward's way out. and i do agree w/ not spending any extra money if you don't have to. the idea of finishing out the school year does sound good. however, it doesn't seem that your superiors are willing to be overly supportive. also, what is the use of finishing up the year if you're gonna leave on bad terms b/c you were not able to deliver to their expectations.

don't be too hard on yourself. even if your choice seems to be an easy way out, i'm sure it wasn't easy.

stay strong and take care of yourself and your daughter. my hugs and prayers are with you guys.
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Old 04-13-2011, 12:32 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by XXXXXXXXXX View Post
It's my reset button. 5 hours away from here.

Cowards way out, maybe. I don't want to think of it that way.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Don't think of it as the cowards way out if that's what you have to do to protect yourself and your child. Leaving ISN'T the easy option. Running from AH may be the wisest move you can make!
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Old 04-13-2011, 12:44 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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I don't have any sage words of wisdom; each of us has a different set of circumstances. It sounds like you are doing the best you can for yourself and your daughter - and that is as good as it can be. I hope the best for you, and know your HP is guiding you.
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Old 04-13-2011, 06:59 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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(((((((((Hugs))))))))))) Leaving is definitely not the cowards way out. Please do whatever it takes to get away from this. If he doesn't want help, that's on him but you do not deserve this. Take care of you and your daughter.
God bless!!
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:09 AM
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NOT THE COWARD'S WAY.

It takes courage to do what you are soon embarking upon.

Breathe, get through, and start your new life!
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:56 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by XXXXXXXXXX View Post
It's my reset button. 5 hours away from here.

Cowards way out, maybe. I don't want to think of it that way.
YOU'RE NOT A COWARD!

You assessed the situation and decided on the best course of action for you and your DD. You're taking action to make your life better. That's HUGE.

I'm so glad you've got a place to go and start over. In the long run, having that refuge will prove priceless.

I also "ran away", to my parents' place, clear across town. Granted it wasn't 5 hours away from my apartment with XAH, but it might have been. He was so lazy he only came to see her *once*, whining and b*tching the entire time that it wasn't fair and that it was SO HARD *FOR HIM*. That's when I realized that the physical distance between us was a gift. If I could have moved 5 hours away, I would have done it in a heartbeat, to save myself and DD.

Keep us posted! I always love reading your updates.
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