After being scammed and taken advantage of...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 86
After being scammed and taken advantage of...
...repeatedly, by an alcoholic family member, how does the non-alcoholic family member get over the feelings of guilt that come from enforcing boundaries with the alcoholic?
I don't understand how they so easily charm and manipulate us, all the while taking as much advantage of us as they can--then we feel sorry for them, and somehow feel responsible for the way their life turns out when we start calling them on some of their behavior.
We always think that "things will change", but they never do.
I don't understand how they so easily charm and manipulate us, all the while taking as much advantage of us as they can--then we feel sorry for them, and somehow feel responsible for the way their life turns out when we start calling them on some of their behavior.
We always think that "things will change", but they never do.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 441
That's it in a nutshell! Well said. I am finding out that I have nothing to be guilty about when I am taking care of myself. The A has no problem taking care of himself and getting what he wants out of life. I have decided to learn from him and go after what I want out of life and that will not include an unpredictable A!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Originally Posted by vtsister 
...repeatedly, by an alcoholic family member, how does the non-alcoholic family member get over the feelings of guilt that come from enforcing boundaries with the alcoholic?
I don't understand how they so easily charm and manipulate us, all the while taking as much advantage of us as they can--then we feel sorry for them, and somehow feel responsible for the way their life turns out when we start calling them on some of their behavior.
We always think that "things will change", but they never do.
I don't understand how they so easily charm and manipulate us, all the while taking as much advantage of us as they can--then we feel sorry for them, and somehow feel responsible for the way their life turns out when we start calling them on some of their behavior.
We always think that "things will change", but they never do.
Consider how you didn't choose to have or enforce boundaries in the first place and how that hurt you.
Then see that to not enforce boundaries is to hurt yourself (by allowing yourself to be hurt by another).
As they say around here, your job when a plane is crash landing is to put your own oxygen mask on first. Your job is to take care of you. It's not his or anyone else's job. That would be like feeling guilty for eating or sleeping or using the restroom. It's your job to do that.
I try to draw on the character of loving parent who comforts my guilty feeling side. The loving parent reminds me I have a right to self care.
It helps.
They can try to scam us, manipulate us, whatever, but if we get to know ourselves well enough, we will see through that crap and take the actions we need to to NOT ALLOW THEM ACCESS to us that way. Then we don't need to worry about them and their sliminess, 'cuz we'll be off taking good care of ourselves.
The world is full of creeps, but we don't need to hang out with them.
Hugs, p
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 174
Manipulation is one of the best "qualities" that and A has I believe. Sad to say that, but oh so true. At least true for my A. The guilt trips they put us on is of course another "quality" they are "good" at. (I like using quotation's..lol). Seriously, I know (as most if not everyone here) what you mean. It flat. out. sucks. period.
Keep on doing for yourself..don't get sucked into the manipulation or the guilt trips. Stay strong! (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
Keep on doing for yourself..don't get sucked into the manipulation or the guilt trips. Stay strong! (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
