Too Close to touch

Old 04-11-2011, 07:46 AM
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Too Close to touch

Some posts I read over the weekend had to do with feeling so alone with our A partners. They reminded me of a poem I wrote to my AH a few years into the relationship. I thought I would share it with all of you.

I know you love me, because you are here.
But sometimes it seems that I can't get near.

You keep yourself just out of reach of me.
Although you are here, I can not see.

Your thoughts are not to be shared.
So how can I show you I care?

There's nothing so lonely as being with you.
When you are lost deep in thought, I can't break through.

The wall you put up, seemingly at will,
Is eventually sure to kill, the love I feel for you.

When all that I try to give is blocked at every turn.
It's only a matter of time before I learn,

To close myself off from you too.

Then we will be 2 people together, but alone with our thoughts.
The very notion of this hurts me so much.

Where are you? Why do you stay? When you can't even say
that you need me?

I've learned to live alone, be on my own.
While all the while you lie next to me.

In our bed, just out of reach.
And too close to touch.
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Old 04-11-2011, 07:52 AM
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Location: Upstate NY
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Wow... that is me and my life.

It's so sad to be in this place. It's an emotional standoff. My AH gave me the silent treatment for so long - it pushed me away. And now I'm off on my own, not wanting to reach out to him anymore.
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Old 04-11-2011, 07:55 AM
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Getting by,

How long have you been on your own?
I'm so sorry to hear that you had to let him go.
It's sooooo hard isn't it?
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Old 04-11-2011, 10:46 AM
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I wish I was done with him... I'm not. We are still living in the same house but living in separate rooms. We've been married for 7 years, and things didn't really get "bad" until this past October. That's when his silent treatment towards me started. It wasn't until he grabbed me by my throat in February that I shut him out emotionally.

It is hard. Really hard. To lay next to someone and know that they have absolutely no use for you.

All those nights of going to be without a single "good night" and waking up to silence... not even a "good morning." Emotional torture.
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Old 04-11-2011, 11:40 AM
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yup. going whole days this winter stuck in the house without saying a word to each other. then when I'd go to bed if I did not say goodnite, he would say,"what's the matter?"

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Old 04-11-2011, 11:45 AM
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Wouldn't it be great if emotional abuse could be measured and police could be called to deal with it?

If my H had been arrested each time he emotionally abused me like he would've been if it were physical abuse he'd be serving several life terms.

The silent treatment, the being loving and warm to EVERYONE around me except me (and then telling me that I am crazy and imagining things when I point this out), saying things then denying he's said them and making me question my memory/sanity, etc...

Just saying... I can relate to the previous posts about the misery of being more alone when he is around me than when I am alone... Sigh...
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