FreeingMyself

So...I have watched as stbxah has fallen back into his single lifestyle drinking habits. Of course, I have no idea how much he is drinking, but everytime I am out and about, when I'm in the area of his favorite bar his truck is there. I'm not surprised, I just feel really sorry for him. It must be sad for that to be your joy in life - it owns him, and yet he doesn't even know it. It helps sometimes to see that while I game him a million chances, that nothing has change at all....it helps me be assured that I did the right thing. Even yesterday, when I was out of town with the kids, he asked me to call when I got home so he knew the kids were ok. Of course I did, and of course it was about 9pm and of course he had been drinking, he proceeded to fumble thru our conversation trying to 'sound' together, telling me all about his day....and I listened and just said we were home so goodnight. Then today when he came to see our children, I couldn't resist in asking what he had done yesterday, just to see if his story was the same. He did not remember talking to me obviously....and the story he told me about the previous day had not been true, he told me almost 100% different story about what he did. ANyway again, just the confirmation that I need. However, I find it so very sad. His memory it awful now drinking or not....last year our air went out...we never got it fixed....he doesn't remember that. However, all these things are not bringing in the rescuer in me - just confirmation and determination on my part to recover myself and protect my children from his disease and his anger. Though this is kind of a sad post in what I have seen and am seeing, for me it leaves me at peace with my decisions.

Buffalo66

I can feel the sadness in this.
I remember coming to this understanding about my AH before he went to treatment.
Everything he created to fill his time, was so empty, everything he told himself was so desperate. Everything he played at was so old.

I remember seeing his car at the bar, and thinking, "good Lord. Its 2pm. "

He speaks of that now as a prison. Only when he could actually see through the fog.

You are moving on.
You have CHOSEN LIFE>
You have CHOSEN LOVE JOY AND HAPPINESS for your children and for yourself!

You are strong and forgiveness for him will grow.