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Am I detaching or just cold hearted?

Old 04-10-2011, 11:51 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I have to laugh. The Sinus Drainage, is really a Quack and a half!

I also have to laugh, because today, at almost 30 years continuous sobriety, when I do get a bad stomach from 'Sinus Drainage' it really is from 'Sinus Drainage.' I have allergies and sometimes end up with Sinus Infections, and do to a bad gastronic system, of course, from all the years I drank, when my Sinuses do start draining, I get very nauseous and can have bouts of vomiting, lol

So for a practicing alkie to say it is Sinus Drainage, is just extremely funny to me.

Okay, enough of that, lol

You keep working on your plan for you and the kids. You will know when it is time to leave, even if only a separation.

However, it sounds like a LOT more hospital visits are in his future, and you will have to decide if you want to be a part of them or not. They are consequences of HIS actions and HIS actions alone.

Remember, we are with you in spirit, you are not alone.

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-10-2011, 12:09 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hi. I'm new, have been lurking for years here and there. Just decided it was time to check in because some days I begin to doubt myself again... Need reality check help so I don't get hoovered in. I didn't intend to post until I really looked around some, but...

ShiningStars your post was just too close to home. I have often wondered whether I was detaching with love or just detaching. I am trying to fight back hatred some days. Long story for later. My son's birthday was yesterday. He turned 17. His birthdays have always been fiascos and for the last 2 years he hasn't wanted to celebrate them. He moved out and in with a friend's family a month ago. I can't with good conscience ask or make him return home. He can't take the house anymore. He is better out. Focused on his studies and happier.

I have an A, weed smoking H. He has us all crazy because he went too far, knows it and is now acting the innocent. Very confusing time here. I too am not in the position to leave just yet. I just graduated and am starting my new career path. I'm 50.

Don't mean to hijack your thread. It just sounded like I could have pretty much written it myself.

I have an excuse to add- stomach pains, nose bleeds etc.: Vitamins. Said he 'explained' the symptoms to a doctor. (while visiting someone in the hospital) The doctor said it was vitamins with too much coffee... He wasn't taking special vitamins, just some mulits and he doesn't drink coffee when he's on a beer binge. The coffee is about the sugar anyway.
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Old 04-10-2011, 01:04 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Ocean eyes, please consider starting a seperate post to introduce yrself so we can get to know you some more... B66
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Old 04-10-2011, 02:36 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Yes I will. Just need to find time to sit down and write.
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Old 04-10-2011, 02:48 PM
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A cold hearted b*tch would not be sobbing on her way to the car.

You are just depleted and rightly so.

Hard to watch someone do this to themselves but you are so NOT a bad person!

You knew your limits right there and then and that is what healthy people do.
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Old 04-10-2011, 03:14 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Thanks so much for everyone's responses! I have been holding back tears reading many of your posts. I truly appreciate the support I receive on SR!

OceanEyes no worries about highjacking. I hate that so many of our stories are so similar, but I am so very thankful we can be here for each other.

So true about the quacking. Quack in a half? I was thinking more along the lines of DOUBLE QUACK!!! AH called a little while ago with an update. He started throwing up again so they are keeping him another night. No real info on what's going on, but this time he didn't mention sinus drainage.
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Old 04-10-2011, 03:45 PM
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This disease is so crazy..I mean he's telling you it's SINUS DRAINAGE..and you are wondering if you are being mean..you are detaching for your sanity..going down with the sinking ship is a really bad option..being a model of what healthy recovery looks like seems like a much better choice..
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Old 04-10-2011, 05:25 PM
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Hi,
As someone who just watched my mother die of Cirrhosis, I think it's really healthy/important to detach. Unfortunately, if your AH didn't hit his bottom after having to miss his daughter's birthday due to being hospitalized, I would say that he is not capable of getting clean anytime soon. I'm saying this from experience. Detaching is the first step towards healing. I don't want to sound harsh, but for the sake of you & your daughter's healing: leave. I sustained psychological trauma from watching my mother's downfall, and I'm sure that you want the best life for your daughter. Sadly, I would have rather been taken away from my mother than to witness the hell that comes along with addiction. Please take care of yourself & your daughter
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Old 04-10-2011, 05:41 PM
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Since you are married, why not call the nurses station and ask to speak to the doctor and get the real information?
Perhaps when you are there the doctor can be there to explain matter of act this is caused by alcoholism and the next step is cirrhosis and he will die and he does not have much longer if this continued it will only get worse and ultimately be fatal sooner than later.

No you are in reality and detaching, if he can't see it now no point in talking to someone that deep in denial it will only cause pain.
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Old 04-10-2011, 07:06 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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When I first started experiencing detachment I was also confused. hell, I'd been engaging and intertwining and working it with my AH for so long, detachment was bizarre.

Now I relish it. Love it. The ability to really say, this is your problem, not mine, and LEAVE IT. Just like we tell the damn dog. Leave it.

Better yet, after the detachment comes enjoying my life which I've spent years threatening to do. Now it's time.
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Old 04-10-2011, 09:21 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Detaching is difficult.

When I first started, XABF told me I was cold-hearted, and unable to empathize with him.

The truth of the matter is that I was tired of the drama, and my emotions were all used up. I cared about him, I wanted him to get better, but I just couldn't ride that roller coaster with him anymore.


You are detaching, and you are doing it with love.
It is difficult, but important, for your sanity, and the sanity of the rest of your family.
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