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Do they even think about how weird hiding alcohol is?

Old 04-10-2011, 07:10 AM
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Do they even think about how weird hiding alcohol is?

My AH hides his beers. He hides a 12-pack in the master bedroom (I sleep in the guest room now) EVERY DAY and they are gone in the light of the next day.

The only beer bottles in the recycle bins are the ones he drinks in front of us, in addition to his 12 pack stash.

He takes the empties to a nearby dumpster or parking lot trash can in the am.

Um, hello, that's weird! Does it not even register with them what they are doing?


I hope this thread can stay on this topic. I am taking steps to take care of me and my son...I'm just so curious about this!
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Old 04-10-2011, 08:11 AM
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GUILT- that's all I can think of. My AH used to line all the cans up . I would wake up and find cans lined up in the family room, the bathroom, the kitchen, the porch. He did not feel the need to hide. I thought that was strange. Like he needed to see them the next morning-or maybe it was a passive aggressive thing towards me. But when he moved out I found many vodka bottles hidden around the house. It was like he was okay with me knowing he drank beer but when he got into the vodka, he knew he had crossed a line and was not ready to have us see his weakness.
I had mixed feelings when I found them. Both sad and angry that he had progressed in his drinking and behavior. Thankful that I did not know and that it did not add to my anxiety.
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Old 04-10-2011, 08:16 AM
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I hid the booze all the time--and I had "decoy" bottles I would leave out in the open so it wouldn't be known EXACTLY how much I was drinking.

For me, it was simply a means to an end--to allow me to drink what I wanted to drink without being hassled. Yes, on some level I knew it meant something was very wrong. I knew I was drinking too much. But I did it anyway.
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Old 04-10-2011, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
I hid the booze all the time--and I had "decoy" bottles I would leave out in the open so it wouldn't be known EXACTLY how much I was drinking.

For me, it was simply a means to an end--to allow me to drink what I wanted to drink without being hassled. Yes, on some level I knew it meant something was very wrong. I knew I was drinking too much. But I did it anyway.
My RAH did this, too. Had the "guest" bottles out that collected dust, while the bottles he drank from stayed close by him. It got to a point where even the guest bottles went fast. He doesn't know why he did it, either. Especially considering while he lived alone, he rarely had guests. I believe it was a form of denial to how much he was really drinking...if there was a full bottle in the house somewhere, then he really wasn't out of control, right?

Addictions don't make sense to those of us not addicted.
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Old 04-10-2011, 10:29 AM
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I have a diagnosed medical disorder.
I have to take medication daily
or run the risk of a heart attack or stroke
within 36 hours of missing that dose.

I have taken 'extras' in case I'm out of money
or in case I drop the pill bottle in the toilet or lose them
to keep me alive when my meds run out.
My 'stash'.
I live alone, so I don't have to hide anything.

I have known diabetics try and freeze their insulin
in case something happens
so they have extra in case of emergency.

An alcoholic hiding their booze is very similar,
there's the psychological shame models of course
but there's also that terror of 'running out'

alcoholism is a physical addiction after time.

Sudden withdrawal from alcohol
can cause convulsions, hemmorage,(-sp)
and heart failure.
You know - death.

Besides the guilt blame and shame aspect
there's this other as well.
Just throwing it into the mix.

An alcoholic in their disease
doesn't know any difference
between life giving medication
and alcohol.
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Old 04-10-2011, 10:35 AM
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I found whiskey and vodka bottles hidden everywhere...
13 bags under the seat of his truck...
The garage was his favorite place to hide them in totes/boxes/tool box

Now that he has moved away...I wish I knew how to open
up the gun safe, so I could tell you how many are in there...LOL
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Old 04-10-2011, 10:41 AM
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ps -
my ex took his beer cans (18 PACK PER NIGHT-MINIMUM)
and stashed them in a tool shed
then cashed them in for more beer
wearing his hotel uniform
so they'd think (in his mind)
that he'd collected them from the hotel.

they were all the same brand lol

and of course he just bought more beer.
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Old 04-10-2011, 10:41 AM
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Very good question. I often wonder why my AH hides his bottles too. He doesn't hide the beer though. He thinks drinking beer is "ok". When I first found out about how much he was drinking was when I stumbled upon his massive collection (about 15-20) of empty pints of Vodka in our laundry room hidden beside a cabinet. That was sobering (no pun intended) to say the least.
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Old 04-10-2011, 10:46 AM
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I suggest its hoarding pure and simple.

I hoard my thyroid meds...
in my mind - for good reason.

If they'd stay potent
having them in my car
I'd have them there.

When you fear running out
you put it everywhere your hand might be when you do

but if you live with someone else
you need to make sure
you have enough for YOU.
Let them sink.
AS long as you have YOUR preserver.
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Old 04-10-2011, 11:04 AM
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My AH told me, while drinking of course and bragging one night about the amt of lying and hiding he'd done from me that if someone ever bought our house and redid the (treacherous) steps leading from the carriage house to our basement, they'd find thousands of beer cans that he'd chucked there (he kicked a hole in the stair base to create a spot to throw the beer cans). So, apparently the obscene number of cans I've found hidden throughout the years don't even begin to touch what he actually drank.

He tells me at his "height" (which presumably has ended?!) he was drinking 12-18 beers a night.

Gee, I wonder why it is I could never figure out why there wasn't more money left in the bank account at the end of each month.
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Old 04-10-2011, 01:45 PM
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Decoy bottles - never thought of them like that but my AH has those too. There's a full case plus in the garage fridge, but the master bedroom stash comes from his trunk.
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Old 04-10-2011, 02:16 PM
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My AH always hides his booze. He never drinks in front of us ever. Always sneaks. While I don't think he is in denial because he admits to being an A, I think he thinks no one knows... which is silly because he smells like it, acts like he is drinking and there are many clues that he is doing it, but because he hides it and I'm sure there are times it passes under the radar he keeps it up. BUT he gets caught ALL the time.... I don't even go looking anymore but yet I know. Silly game.
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Old 04-10-2011, 02:24 PM
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Hi!!

This is addict behavior of course. He/she is shameful of his addiction and does not want anyone to know.

If an addict is hiding his/her consumption, he/she is embarrassed about his/her addiction and may be willing to make a change.
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Old 04-10-2011, 02:46 PM
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That's funny because my AH says he has changed and wonders why he is not getting credit for it! He doesn't count the bottles we don't see.
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Old 04-10-2011, 03:20 PM
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I don't believe my 'hiding' mine was guilt. I was not 'hiding' them I was 'stashing' them so I would NOT run out.

Barb is right .............. I have an insulin I take that is in a pen, Levemir. It is long lasting. I take 50 units every night. The pens are suppose to have 300 units in them, but in reality have a bit more, so over time, when it is time to refill and get another box of 5 pens (once a month) I now have 3 pens left. I still get it filled right on the date and before long I will be up to an 'extra' box for that 'just in case' that may come. Again a fear of not having something I need desperately to stay alive.

I too, like Barb do this with my other meds also.

I also have to say, I never really cared how many bottles were in the trash each week, just never dawned on me that the trash men might be counting, rofl I had full bottles of Jack Daniels everywhere. In the kitchen, in the bar in the dining room, in my closet, between the nightstand and the bed on my side, in the toilet tank (never did figure out why on that one), in the basement, in the trunk of my car, in the garage. Just couldn't run out.

Just where this A was coming from. Oh and even when I ended up living the streets of Hollywood, and had graduated from Jack Daniels to Thunderbird wine, I always had two more bottles of the T-Bird for back up and when I opened the first of the back up bottles it was time to get more. I just could not run out. It was out of fear of what would happen if I did.

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-10-2011, 04:22 PM
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My AH was a stasher / hider and closet drinker. He never drank in front of me. At first it started with hiding the cans out in the garage then migrated into our master bedroom closet. I remember when he went off to rehab last year I tore our huge closet apart and I think I bagged up 2 garbage bags full of nasty empty beer cans. I was so appalled. He was home all day while I was at work, so I never understood why he didn't get rid of all his evidence. In other aspects AH was a bit of a neat freak so this behavior was so weird to me. So glad that behavior is not under my roof anymore.
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Old 04-10-2011, 04:30 PM
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In the beginning of my marriage, and before AH went to rehab he would drink a lot openly and hide many bottles. I would sometimes stumble upon them in the most bizarre places.

Now that he is in relapse he does his drinking in private. Though sometimes he will try to sneak drink in front of us by hiding his alcohol in a soda can. He now hides all the bottles. In the past I used to look for them, but I don't waste my time anymore it changes nothing anyway and just hurts me.
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Old 04-10-2011, 06:23 PM
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Not here, AH flaunts his drinking. Nearly every day I have to clean up his cans from the night before. It goes along with his attitude of "I work, so I shouldn't have to do anything around the house, no matter what".
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Old 04-10-2011, 09:22 PM
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XABF never hid his bottles from me, full or empty.
When he lived at his mother's, though, he always hid them from her.

I remember helping him clean up, periodically he'd decide there were too many empty bottles around the house. He would wrap them in newspaper (so they wouldn't make noise), then take them to a dumpster somewhere else to get rid of them (so his mother wouldn't see them).

We would throw away 20-30 half-pint bottles of whiskey. They'd be hidden all over the basement, in his travel suitcase, in his dresser drawers, in his closet, under the seat and in the trunk in his car, behind his video collection, in his box of expired craft supplies...

This elaborate ruse to keep his mother unaware of how much he was drinking.

But never any attempt to hide it from me. The only times he lied about how much he drank, he was too drunk to remember, and would finally get flustered and frustrated and hand me the empty bottles and tell me to figure it out because he couldn't.
I guess he cared more about his mother's opinion than mine. I really was too "safe" - just another sign that my opinion didn't matter to him.
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Old 04-10-2011, 09:36 PM
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I realize now my AH has drank too much ever since we got together, but in the beginning it was mixed rum and cokes in front of me and he was able to function, talk, stay awake, it didn't seem like a problem. In the past few years it changed to straight vodka, hidden in our basement and garage. I never saw him drink anymore, I just knew he was passed out from 5:30 on and he smelled like death all the time, in addition to many other problems. I don't remember when he made the switch!
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