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-   -   What is right, what is wrong? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/224351-what-right-what-wrong.html)

sprman24 04-17-2011 06:37 AM


Originally Posted by coffeedrinker (Post 2936102)

and, btw, in my opinion, when someone doesnt' drink for a week it's not a relapse. when someone has a disease that is incurable but goes into remission, such as cancer or alcoholism, and they experience a time of good health, THEN the disease comes back with a vengence, THAT'S a relapse.

still keep comin here. i think you're gonna need us...

Yes, that my opinion as well. After each rehab he was sober for a few years.
Usally he always started drinking because something happened in his life, which is not an excause in my eyes, but still.

We talked yesterday again about his drinking and he said, he doesn't wanna go to rehab, because they say all the time the same and he knows it all.
He doesn't want to go AA, because it wouldn't help him, to listen to other people stories. Blah Blah Blah, i thought. He says he wants to quit by himself.
Is that possible? I don't think it wouldn't work. But I wonder what kinda programms are out there, which actually not just deal with the drinking Problem. I think there must be a programm out there, which deals with those depressions too.

Thanks to everybody, to replay. Sometimes it just helps me, to write down what I think and that gives me some answers too.

I acutally wanna go to an Al Anon meeting here in the region, but I am just to scared. I am a little shy, when it comes to meet new people in a group.

coffeedrinker 04-17-2011 09:22 AM


Originally Posted by sprman24 (Post 2937553)
He says he wants to quit by himself.
Is that possible?

well, he has demonstrated that it is NOT possible, for him.

maybe take a giant step back and see from a (large) distance what he does do for his next recovery period. if it seems to be working, re-enter his life, if it doesn't seem to be, you are already gone.

and in a lot less pain.

Tuffgirl 04-17-2011 09:38 AM

Go to an Al-Anon meeting! GO! You are going to need some support if you continue in this and if you choose not to. You will be in a group of strangers who have all been on this road. It's an amazing feeling to be surrounded by people who truly understand what you are going through and are not judgmental about it. I rarely talk about my personal situations outside of Al-Anon.

Rough character be damned, you are a human being and we all need support sometimes, and this is one heck of an emotional roller coaster ride and you are struggling or you wouldn't have posted here looking for advice. You love a person with a huge problem - a disease called alcoholism. We here are all the same - and the people in Al-Anon too - because of that one shared experience.

kittykitty 04-17-2011 09:39 AM

Walking into that first meeting is one of the hardest things you will ever do. Admitting we need help, and can't handle our lives anymore is difficult for most of us, because we have always been so strong, self sufficient, and had all the answers. We never needed anything from anybody, right? So how could a room full of strangers help us?

The second hardest part is making that first phone call, from the phone list the group will give you. Reaching out for help went against everything I learned growing up. I should be able to take care of myself, noone will but me. I can handle anything, and showing signs of losing control is a weakness that others will take advantage of.

Once I knew about Alanon, it took me 36 hours from the time I found where the meeting was, to walking into it. If there was one sooner, I would have gone to that one. I was desperate, at my bottom. It was terrifying. They welcomes me with hugs and smiles. Cried the entire meeting.

Less than a week later I made my first phone call. It went to voicemail, and I almost lost my hope, but she called back within an hour. She is now my sponsor.

Both of those decisions were the two of the BEST decisions I have made in my 35 years on this planet. I felt immediate relief walking through those doors, an immediate sense of belonging, even with total strangers.

Just like A's have their 'bottoms', so do those of us who live with them. And alot of times, we have to hit ours to finally admit we need help, can't do it ourselves, and reach out for a meeting. You'll get there when you're supposed to get there.

I mean, we are a bunch of strangers, right? You've done great on here sharing, and learning. Next step is face to face, and when you're ready you'll know.

sprman24 04-18-2011 02:06 PM

Thanks everybody for the last posts.
I read alot here in the forum this weekend and I have to say it helps.
Right now the situation isn't so easy. He went awol again and I don't know what to think about that. When he is drinking he is so sucidle and i don't know how serious to take that. Beeing awol means proberly back to jail. And i just don't get, why he would do it, since he signed his realse papers already. I just would have had one month to go.

I understand why so many people say, to leave, but right now i feel not ready.
His sister called me Friday and told me she has cancer. They just found out, but i shouldn't tell him that. She was hoping to talk to him first, because she thought, he might quit after jail. But that evening he was drunk again and i told her, that nothing changed. So she doesnt want him to know now, because she thinks he is just using it, for an other excause to drink more. His sister and him, have a real special and good realtionship.
Ya kinda sucks all.
I gonna try to make myself go to a meeting. Im just scared like **** to do so.

Thumper 04-18-2011 02:31 PM

I'm sorry. Don't be afraid of the meeting. There is no pressure at the meetings. Just a lot of understanding and support. I think you'll find it such a relief to have face to face people that really 'get' it without you having to say a word.

He does it because he is an alcoholic and that is what they do. He is following the voice of addiction, which obliterates all other voices of love, reason, and logic.


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