What do you do when somebody dominates an Alanon Meeting...

Old 04-12-2011, 06:32 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
passionfruit's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post I received some excellent responses on this thread that really made me think, and I also called a couple of the old-timers from my Alanon group and got a response I did not expect at all.

What I expected was some form of, "I agree with the message but not how and when you delivered it-- the group comes first." What I got was, "thanks so much for saying something, this guy's been very dominant lately and I'm glad you said it when you said it." It's an all-mens' group, and maybe that's why, but I'm trying not to let this validate my actions so much that I'm still not reflective.

I'm not sorry at all, but something in my brain is telling me I should be and that I owe him an apology. I'm still not sure what, if anything, I'm going to do in regards to my interaction with him.

I can honestly say I have no ego around this, and I can honestly admit I was controlling in response to his dominance. I have to say, though, that when somebody is stealing my group from me I get very defensive of it. It's funny, when people attack me personally these days I'm able to really understand it's about them and walk away and/or set boundaries. However, when they attack my home, and Alanon is my home, I get very, very, very defensive of it. Primarily to selfishly protect it for me, but also to protect it for others.

No others, no group. No group, no Alanon. No Alanon, no recovery (and for me, no Alanon, no higher power).

Thanks for listening. Take what you want and leave the rest.

I discussed this with my sponser. She and I sat in on a meeting where something similar happened. Her response was that stuff happens and I should just let it go.

She agreed that this person dominated but she was the chair so...........

We disagreed. My sponser had no real valid points to why someone should not visit with this person. Just basically leave it be..........???????
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:55 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Sponsors are not perfect people either. She may just be afraid to "rock the boat" as well.

Ultimately, each of us have a choice, and we're the person who has to live with our choices.
It is better to make our own mistakes than someone else's mistakes, in my mind. At least if we stick to making our own mistakes, we learn something about ourselves in the process!
That said, it never hurts to ask others' opinions, as long as we follow what we feel is right after listening to what others have to say, rather than dismissing their words completely, or dismissing our feelings completely, both of which are bad extremes.

It is difficult if the person is the chair. Usually, though, the chair speaks last, I think? So I suppose you could get up and leave the room early? You could always head to the restrooms, by the time you get back the meeting should be over, and you can participate in the talking afterwards?
Just a thought.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:12 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
Well to balance things out for the guys, and that isn't something I would usually raise my hand to do, smirk smirk...
there are two older women at my group that I think don't get out much, and talking at alanon may be their only human contact for days.
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