Hard time focusing

Old 04-08-2011, 04:28 AM
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Hard time focusing

As my wife's court date approaches and the reality of it all is settling in I'm having a difficult time on focusing. I started working on my motorcycle a couple of days ago, and yesterday I was dealing with the tedious part of calculating valve clearance and proper shim size. I could not get it right. I was planning on going to an Al-anon meeting but lost track of time. I have 2 homework assignments due Monday (last class in a second bachelors program, and a masters program class) but can't get rolling. I need to go to a meeting and do a run. This whole A thing is tiering and I've just about had enough.

My wife is making the big push to stay together, where 2 weeks ago she was confiding in friends and family on how she wanted to leave, now she is praising my virtues. I bought the motorcycle last year to extend the life of my car and mitigate gas usage since my new job is a 120mi/day commute. My manager is more receptive of me working from home now that I've proven to be a good employee, my wife said sell the bike. However I kind of like it, takes my mind off things. I never believed in the zen of anything but I have to say there is something to this MC thing. Now she is asking about doing more on the MC.

My mind is still wondering, still a lot of emotions to deal with, heading to a meeting this AM. Thanks for reading..
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Old 04-08-2011, 09:19 AM
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Losing focus was my life for years.
I hope you can utilize your meetings to help pull that focus back to you.
I know its hard. It sounds like you are slef aware, though and that is a major part of the battle for us!
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Old 04-08-2011, 09:54 AM
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Meeting was good, have to continue.. Had a nice chat with my step daughter hopefully she'll be able to take in a meeting with me on Sunday.
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Old 04-08-2011, 10:06 AM
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Focus...ahhh...the first thing to go for me as the crap hit the fan. It's been almost a year now and I feel far more "normal" again. It takes a while, give yourself as many breaks as you can. I still have memory issues, which I know is from stress and anxiety. But the more I work on turning my focus back on me, the better I feel and the easier life becomes again.

Love the MC idea...that's a good way to take the focus off of everything else. And keep your hands busy.
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Old 04-08-2011, 11:17 AM
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I can relate. It's hard to concentrate on your job or other things when you're afraid your AW may be burning the house down or driving into a telephone pole.

I say keep the motorcycle if you can afford to. I find that doing little things for myself are great therapy, even if they don't solve the bigger problem.
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Old 04-08-2011, 11:21 AM
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Motorcycles and Mountainbikes have been my salvation. Keep finding time to do what you love and helps you with serenity. Working on bikes and riding is one of the few places other than Alanon meetings where I find serenity.

It's good to see you focusing on your journey and not your wife's. Keep it up.

Cyranoak
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Old 04-08-2011, 01:17 PM
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I've drug around a treadmill for the last 10 years, and I've moved now 7 times since I bought it. It's pint sized compared to the ones in the fancy health clubs, and it does fold up, but I've gotten an earful from anyone who has helped me load or unload it when moving. It's a beast and then some.

They always ask why I would want to haul it around, why not sell it and get some bucks for it.

The truth is, it's where I turn when I need to tune-out. I put on my ear buds and I'm in my own world. I can walk a steady pace for hours if given the chance. For me, it's my zen.

Focusing with all that we have to deal with in an average life is hard enough. Add to that an addiction in our lives, by nature at attention seeking black hole, and it's any wonder we manage to function at all.

Go easy on yourself and try to tune out when you can. Having productive outlets is key to healthy living. Hang onto the MC if it works for you. Get engrossed in it before you sit down to do school work. You will feel more focused when you've had a chance to clear out the cobwebs first.

Alice
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Old 04-08-2011, 02:40 PM
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Yeah man. Hobbies keep me clear.
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Old 04-09-2011, 01:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post
Motorcycles and Mountainbikes have been my salvation. Keep finding time to do what you love and helps you with serenity. Working on bikes and riding is one of the few places other than Alanon meetings where I find serenity.

It's good to see you focusing on your journey and not your wife's. Keep it up.

Cyranoak
When I'm not focused mountain biking can be painful. I've had some interesting crashes when my mind wanders and I'm negotiating a technical piece of single track. On the motorcycle the threat of death keeps me focused no mater my state of mind. I really like that about MC riding.

That said we should be seeing some nice weather this week and hopefully I can go out for a mountain bike ride.
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Old 04-09-2011, 08:02 AM
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To me, focus is one of the casualties of a relationship with an A.

When I go to my Al-Anon meetings and hear "taking the focus of them and put it on you", it helps to get me out of that red zone where I would think of a)whether they were sober, b) whether they were drinking, c) whether they were about to drink.

Now that the A is out of my life (close to three weeks now), I find that I can focus a lot easier (not perfectly) on things I have neglected or need to be done, like homework. Never had the support from my A when it came to my courses and my last assignment (post breakup), I got 100%. Another thing-I can sit down with a book, enjoy it, concentrate on it totally, not waiting for the phone to ring or the next crisis to unfold.

For me, walking my dog is a big help to re-focus, as is sitting out in my back yard with a book - no phone, no music, just the quietness of the neighbourhood and my beautiful view.
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