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trying to let go

Old 04-07-2011, 02:11 PM
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trying to let go

As I have said before my family member is an alcoholic and has been for many years now. I always give my full support and try to help, I have learned since coming here that I need to step back and wait for her to want the change..yet I still have a hard time just letting go. I finally said the other night that I would listen if she calls and that is it..I am no longer going to stress myself out over trying to get her help. It's the worst thing to have a sister that needs help and not be able to do a damn thing. I don't know if I feel completely okay with the fact that her boyfriend knows she has a problem yet he feels like she should just be able to stop. He in my eyes does not help this situation at all..he leaves and continues to buy alcohol and leave it at her fingertips. When asked by her if they could get rid of everything or at least lock it up his reaction is you should be able to not get a drink and walk away. I know that is impossible for her to do..she knows that..why won't he just do it? I want to call him and talk to him myself to let him know that if he will not help her he should step aside and let her go home with my parents. Is that something reasonable to do or is that over stepping my boundaries?? My hopes are that she will soon come to the conclusion that she needs professional help and do something about it before its too late. I know I will continue to learn my steps on here. This is truly a great place and I have read many stories like my sisters that end up happy. I hope one day I will be able to post about her recovery and win against drinking.
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Old 04-07-2011, 02:34 PM
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Letting go or detaching is hard when you take your first steps.

Here's what I figured out.
I didn't really let go of my AW but I got hold of myself.
Or, I naturally detached from her because I got attached to myself.
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Old 04-07-2011, 02:35 PM
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Hello, I'm Aimee and am the wife of an alcoholic/drug addict. My husband has shown me over and over that he is not going to listen to anything I say, so I have given up trying. Letting go is definitely hard to do, but we have to. I am still learning that. I would say that you would be overstepping your boundaries by trying to get your sister to move back home with your parents. That is going to do nothing sadly. She is going to have to hit rock bottom, whatever that may be. My husband goes into rehab in the morning and I pray that he becomes a recovered alcoholic/addict, but I'm not holding my breath. I know it hurts..it hurts more than many things to see a loved one do this to themselves, but in my short time of being here, I have learned that it is up to them to recover, and nothing we can do, sadly, can make them change. I'm sorry my reply isn't very positive sounding..keep praying and big hugs!!
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Old 04-07-2011, 02:42 PM
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It sounds like your sister is making the choice to stay in a toxic environment. Although her boyfriend bringing home liquor is not "causing" her to drink, she knows it isn't making her attempts at abstinence any easier, and she has the choice to stay or go. And that's HER choice, she's a big girl.

Detachment reminder for me: I want to give everyone around me the dignity and respect to live their life the way they choose to live it, the same way I deserve the dignity and respect to live mine the way I want. Most of the time I can't even figure out what's best for me, let alone somebody else. My job is to simply get out of the way, and let God's plan reveal itself over time.

I know how hard it is to let go of others, I have an AStepdad, an A uncle, and an AexBF who I really thought was the one. I still love them all, but I have to let them live their lives.
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Old 04-07-2011, 02:44 PM
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Also: AlAnon meeting, definitely find one, and pick up the pamphlet "Alcoholism: A Merry Go Round Named Denial" ~ one of my favorites

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Old 04-07-2011, 05:41 PM
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Hi Lisa, Glad you found us!

If it helps, my sister is a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict. She has been clean and sober for many years, although she still does have other problems. Your sister can turn her life around if she wants it with everything in her being.....

Detaching with love can be painful for those of us who love an addict, but it really is the best thing for us and for them.

Huge hugs, HG
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Old 04-09-2011, 06:25 PM
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Thank you all for taking the time to reply and share your thoughts with me. I feel so lost about this most of the time and everyone always gives good advice and support. I will leave it all alone and I will not talk to her bf about the situation.....your right she is a big girl and she must choose to get out of that toxic environment for herself. Hugs to everyone who replied.
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