BobbyJ

Just wondering if anyone else forgets to step back and look at the big picture of the mess that was created by the alcoholic.
What is this?

I find myself looking at just one thing (issues/problems, such as
destruction, hurt, embrassment, confusion, the lies, the respect, etc..)
that was caused by the alcoholic...

Then when I step back and look at the whole picture of what
it has done to me & my kids...Im overwhelmed..

pixilation

Yes, I was forgetting to look at the big picture, and then he got the DUI, and I was forced to look at everything, and I too realized that it's bad.

I think that's why I broke down last week, I got overwhelmed in the moment.

Buffalo66

I started posting on SR in 2007.

I took breaks here and there, sometimes unable to face the folks here when I relapsed back into serious dealings with him and his craziness.

Just this morning, I went back, AGAIN, and reread some posts from back then, from 2009, from 2010...

and this really helps me remember what I have spent on this mess. Energetically.

I think I have done a fair job at protecting our son as much as possible, with a few memorable lapses in judgement, but,overall...

It really helps to reality check with how I felt in the past.

And especially to see how far I have come since then.

Tuffgirl

Oh yes, all the time. I think I have to remind myself everyday to step out of the muck and look at it in its entirety.

But then I have to remind myself of "one day at a time". Just for today, I will try to live through this day only and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

And that brings me down to earth but out of the muck.

Stay focused!
~T

StarCat

It's a lot easier to focus on one specific thing, because focusing on the big picture would be to admit just how big the problem truly has become.

I frequently did forget to look at the big picture.
I still do, really. I get trapped in one aspect, running over and over in my mind.

Sometimes it's tough to even admit that one thing happened, so I have to temporarily block out the rest for my own sanity.
Sometimes it's just a distraction from the bigger picture, to try and convince myself it wasn't that bad, what was I so worried about?

So far I have managed to convince myself that I am not going back, and that it doesn't matter how much I revisit issues, it's out of my hands to fix.
It seems to be working for the moment.
The split-second of fear I feel whenever I see a car that looks like his, or start worrying about if he'll show up at my desk at work, is actually helping.
All his attempts to try and reel me back in, at this point, are having the opposite effect and pushing me away more, emotionally.

Even so, the big picture is still hard.

Alone22

Where I have trouble is after things calm down I start to minimize what is going on in the big picture. The next time there is an issue it feels like a huge smack, which I guess it is.

Verbena

I don't think I realized how much pain and hurt AH has caused our whole family. All three of my boys were in their late teens when he started drinking heavily. I guess I thought the boys got out of here in time. They didn't.

It's been pretty painful to realize that they were damaged by him. They range in age from 40 down to 34. Fortunately none of them drink. I worry though. Statistics are against them.