So hard to do the right thing for me
 

After 38+ years of marriage I have kicked my AH out and filed for legal separation. Over the years I have moved to another state and nearly filed for legal separation but always taking the AH back in. For the last 19 years it has been binge drinking twice a year for a week at a stretch followed by repentance and a promise to change. Counselors, emergency room visits, outpatient treatment, etc. No AA.

So he moved down south to be by his brother who has been sober for 25+ years. He started attenting AA meetings regularly. Sounded positive. Then he moved into his own apartment and his brother went on vacation. I talked my AH last night and realized that I am pretty sure he is drinking again. I am so devastated because I thought this time he might have gotten it. I am still continuing on with my plans of legal separation but it is so hard and it hurts so much.
:c021:

I think I need to get back to Al-anon.

When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Al-anon has taught me so much and given me great awareness of my role in the chaos around me.

Yup, I think going back to Al-anon would do you some good.

Oh sweetie, I hear you. I've been married over 40 years. My AH started drinking about 20 years ago. It confused me. He was depressed and medicated himself with whiskey. About six years in he switched to beer. He said it was easier on his digestion.

I sat on it thinking he'd give it up when he was ready. Why? My Mother drank heavily for a decade during her menopausal years. Then one day she decided, that's enough of that. She quit drinking overnight. Was she an alcoholic? I can't say but probably not. That has to be where I learned that people will just give it up when they are ready. I had no idea what alcoholism was at the time.

I'm contemplating divorce. I get how you feel. I'm tired. I'm angry mostly with myself for putting up with this crap. I almost left 15 years ago. I regret that I did not.

I have spent the last few months learning all I could about alcoholism.
I've been working on a plan to get myself out of here.
It's coming together. I'm terrified. I'm hurt and I'm pissed.

verbena - I hear you. I almost left too and regreat that I put up with the crap for 19 more years. I also am angry at myself, angry at him for his choices and sad because I don't want to live alone! I have my 3 kids and my 3 grandkids near along with work friends and church friends but at night it's just the dog and me. That's not how I pictured my life.

Hey, I'm in the same club: women with their men for over 30 years of marriage and feeling like it's never too late to do the right thing, despite how hard it is.

I know it's hard at any stage of the relationship, but over 30 years of memories, good and bad, are hard to just step away from. Yet, at this stage of my life with my kids grown, I know this is more than a "mid-life crisis"--it's a stand for the right thing for both me and AH.

I go back and forth, too. I'm separated for 6 weeks--having rented a little off-season beach cottage. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this cottage and this town. All I need is what is in these three simple rooms and my sanity, which I'm building by going to Al-Anon once a week, yoga in the house practically next door, and Monday evening Lent classes at a Catholic retreat house. I really feel just like the crocuses that are pushing up through the ground this time of year.

At the same time, I miss my home, my dog, my own furnishings, even AH of course. We are very close, but I can't retreat. I've been having flashbacks of my own insane moments and I don't like that person.

So I have 10 days to figure out what happens when this rental period is up. AH is paying lip service to sobriety but has not surrendered AT ALL. He's playing the game to get me back home, that's all. And I admit, I'm afraid of what comes next. Being in Limbo is OK by me right now. I'm not sure I'm ready to accept the end of my relationship with him, but I'm also not accepting a return to business-as-usual.

Yeah, it sucks. But as you said, it's hard doing the right thing for you, but IT IS THE RIGHT THING

Been there done that.. The only difference was he left me for another "addict" in the rooms.. never got clean. I blamed everything on myself.. It does get better. With alot of soul searching and exteral professional help, you can start loving yourself again.

You guys are my heroes. I was only in my relationship for 15 months, and I had trouble leaving, numerous times. You guys have devoted years of your lives, and have more reasons to leave than I ever did, and are strong enough to put yourselves first after decades of putting everyone else first.

You are truly an inspiration to me, and I'm sure many others here. I thank my HP everyday for this site, and the blessing of being able to share my recovery with you, and to learn from yours.

:ValD007: