BobbyJ

I wasnt going to tell anyone that I had made an appointment with the lawyer tomorrow, until it was all over with.

BUT...The RAH called me today and pushed me, so I fired a shot at the poor dog...Now the war is on....

When he called he was real nice, then asked me about my daughter.
He asked me if I have been talking to my daughter. I told him, no.
He ask if I was lying, I told him no.
THEN, he said, Well, if I was such the problem with her, and if I was the reason she wasnt around, HOW COME SHE ISNT CALLING YOU?
Tell me that...

I told him it was the end of the conversation...

Half hour later, he calls again, and tells me that HIS BOSS wants to know RIGHT now, if he is staying there to work or if he is coming back home...

With the previous phone call about my daughter under my skin,
I told him to stay there, its over!!! I will have divorce papers sent to him.
End of story...

He sent the most hateful voicemails and texts, you can imagine!
He said the WAR is on *itch!!! You and your Fking kids, You, You
and more YOU'S....

I have been at work today, trying to contain my anxiety to mountains of tears.....

My biggest pain of a broken heart is losing my daughter, all due to his alcohol.
And he continously wants to beat me over the head and stab me in the heart with her...I have no choice, except to finish shooting the dog..

DAMN IT!!! He sure knows how to PUSH my fricken buttons!

Please pray for me. I am having a very hard day....

Tuffgirl

Praying for you, BobbyJ. Yeah, you shot the dog and he's p'od. But most importantly, you threatened. Are you ready to follow through?

dancingnow

Hate it when that happens. We're all human. It's ok, tomorrow is a new day, new time to try and detach. He can't have a war if you don't engage.

Hugs and prayers for you (((BJ)))

Trying to rebuild my relationship with my 17 yo and that's what I focus on most.

Cyranoak

Now that, beyond a reasonable doubt, he has shown you exactly who he really is do not forget it.

BobbyJ

Tuffgirl..I am So ready to get off this merry go round...

Im dizzy and Im jumping off!...Wheter its right or wrong....

He has had 15 years + the past 4 months to get help, find recovery
and quit acting like a friggin lunatic.

NO CHANGE is NO CHANGE! (FOR HIM)
But I have the power, to change me...
Its not the best feeling, but its a change...

Dry drunk, White knuckling it, whatever they call it, its not for me...

Yes, it was sometimes easier when he was drinking, he was passed out by 7pm

I will be prompt for my 10:30am appointment in the morning!!

Heres my theme song for the day....
Now I just have to find me some of those snappy jeans!!

YouTube - " A Change Would Do You Good " [ High Quality ] SHERYL CROW

FreeingMyself

((Hugs)) I go thru the same merry go round with my stbxah, and when I told him the papers were ready he FLIPS out....calls me the same thing as your did, tells me this is WAS etc.....texts me horrible hatebul messages etc - I think they must read from the same book!! Anyway, I am filing them, I have waited for what I'm not sure.....but I am SO done. SO I am repeating to myself over and over, and going t post it in my bathroom, "I am a STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO CAN DO ANYTHING!!" I figure the more I say it, the less anxiety I will feel!!

MeredithD1

for sure you're in my prayers, BobbyJ. I'm sorry about your daughter and I feel good for you that you have made the decision to divorce.

Following the path of the Illogical, he tries to FORCE you to want to stay with him by being mean. Keeping your distance, you grow in the path of the logical as your thinking is freed...

kittykitty

Move your buttons.

Praying for you in this difficult time, and sending you strength.

tjp613

Oh, he's just pissed that he didn't file first, that's all. QUACK QUACK QUACK.

GettingBy

Hugs to you BobbyJ. I know the feeling.... Heck, I was right there yesterday. It's sooo hard to not take a bite of the juicy bait. It's so tempting to want to defend ourselves and our positions. But, at what expense? Even if we prove we are right, what does it cost us? Our peace, serenity and sanity?

Not worth it.

Take a deep breath. Things have been said, and what's done is done. Step back, take care of you... And do the next best thing that feels right to you.

japabp2000

Big hugs to you! Wish I had some words of advice.

Babyblue

Hoo Boy am I tired...

I read the title of your post and truly thought you took a gun and fired it at some poor pooch belonging to your husband!!

Then I was reading the replies and thought, "how could everyone condone this person shooting at a poor defenseless animal??"

I was even going to post about how I understood you are stressed but why take it out on a doggie??

Then I realized you were using an expression about your discussion with your husband. Duh!

(Hope this at least brings a smile to your face... and you feel better)

Florence

Ha! I was so confused/concerned about the dog. *breathes deeply*

Hugs to you and keep your chin up. He doesn't deserve one more piece of you -- and you deserve peace of mind.

JoeStrummer

I thought it was about animal abuse too. Can someone explain to this ignorant Canadian what "shot the dog means"? I've "effed the dog", but never heard that particular expression before.

wicked

Joe,
I have heard "i really screwed the pooch this time."
meaning, caused a big mess.

Poking the bear seems to be the point here.

BobbyJ,
I see that you want to repair your relationship with your daughter.
It will take more than finding someone to blame (your husband).
IF you do not need to speak to him, then stop poking the bear.
Turn your attention away from him and take care of yourself.
It is the only way you will be able to repair any relationhips.

Beth

BobbyJ

I just had to take a minute before I walk into the lawyers office and tell you what is running thru my mind...It's pretty weird...How fast, I fell back to step ONE (UNO)

Im thinking, if I stay married to him and pack up my life and move where he is living
All the problems will go away...

Im thinking, if I support him and give him praise, he wont have a problem with his drinking anymore. He only drinks, because I dont praise & clap my hands...

Then I stop and remember,, he told my mom last night he was gonna kill me
and my daughter. That she is the problem, not his drinking...

Repeating to myself..Cant cure, Didnt cause, Cant control - But I think I can...

StarCat

...have you done anything about this threat...?
Even if you don't believe he'd follow through with it, it's a very serious threat, and shouldn't be overlooked or taken lightly.

suki44883

I agree. In addition to divorce papers, please see about taking out an order of protection. If he says he will kill you, please believe him.

Thumper

Even after I knew and believed the 3 C's in my heart it was hard. I had to cut loose of the dream of what I wanted life to be. Honestly - divorcing myself from that dream was harder then divorcing the actual man.

Moving there would be following a dream, not the actual man. The dream is not reality and nothing will make it so.

theuncertainty

Oh, BobbyJ, I can completely understand falling into this thinking. Man... It's so easy to do once it's been all we do for years. "If I just try hard enough..." "If I just say it a different way...." "If I just show him how appreciative I am of what he does for every smallest thing he does (like finally take out th garbage after yelling at me to leave it the f- alone)..." things would be better; he'd stop drinking; he'd be nice; I'd be able to be happy....

He--, I even went to a counselor to 'learn to communicate with him' after finding out that he was not only cheating on me, but living with the girl. Now if that doesn't show that the belief that I should be able to help him was ingrained, I don't know what does.

Please mention the threat to your lawyer. And please remember to take care of yourself through all of this.