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Help me pack

Old 04-05-2011, 11:28 AM
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Help me pack

I know, before anyone says it, I know he should pack his own bag to take to the treatment center. He has never been before and I also have no idea what he should take or even what is generally allowed.

I know different places will hAve different policies, but thought there might be some insight here on what to make sure he packs.

Wondering if there are laundry facilities or a place for him to buy smokes. I am so clueless. I reminded him to get a haircut today, and maybe this is lame, but I do want to help him pack and wish I knew where to start.

Ideas?

I'm not drunk, I a
Typing on my iphone
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:38 AM
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Gotta agree with Anvil. Your codie is showing.
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:44 AM
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Yup: I posted this story months ago under the title "The Day I learned I Must Be Codependent."

A little weekend levity. This is my favorite, and true, story of how I learned I was severely codependent.

It was 1987--I had just recently started Al-Anon, and my AH had come around and decided to go to rehab. He chose one that's about an hour and half from our hometown. I had 4 young children at the time.

The morning I was to drive him to the rehab I ran around feeding and dressing the kids. Then I got them in the car and drove them to their caregivers/school/preschool so I could drive him up there alone. In all that haste, I had just thrown on old dirty clothes from the day before. As he was packing he told me he needed a brush. We only had one. I hadn't combed my own hair yet, but I ran in the bathroom and grabbed the brush and put it in his suitcase. He told me he needed his white shirt ironed.. I ran downstairs and starched and ironed his shirt. I steamed his blazer. I folded the stuff in the dryer that was to be packed.

Then we went on our journey. When we got there, he asked me to go in with him, so of course, I did. We wandered in, not sure where to go next. Finding a nurses station, we said, "We're here to check in." There we were, him standing tall like a peacock, dapper in his fresh pressed shirt and jacket; me, with my old sweats on and my uncombed hair. We gave the nurse our last name. At that, she came around the nurse's station, walked up to me, put her arm around me and said, "Don't worry dear, we'll take good care of you here."

And I thought HE was the sick one!
Bottom line: Let him pack his own bag
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:47 AM
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When I read the thread title I thought "Where are you going?" I was hoping you had a fun weekend planned, lol.

Let him pack his own bag.

I had a hard time with this stuff. I did a lot of it. I don't want to be harsh so I'm not going to detail how I feel about it (and myself) looking back at it. Basically, it isn't cool to treat adults like 6yo's. It harms us both and it is soooo destructive to a relationship and how we interact and function.
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Old 04-05-2011, 12:40 PM
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Let him pack his own bag.
Mine went to rehab without any packing, not even a change of clothing.
They provided all the non-clothing essentials, shampoo, toothpaste, deodorant, razor, non-alcoholic mouthwash.
They also had laundry, everyone had to do their own (unless you're my XABF, then you sweet talk someone else to do it for you, after sweet-talking your daughter into buying you more clothing), detergent was provided.


Whether he packs or does not pack, he won't need anything there (aside from clothing, and if he doesn't pack that, oh well), so let him pack himself, and learn from anything he wanted to bring but didn't.
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Old 04-05-2011, 01:26 PM
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When I read the title "help my pack"

My first thought, "we are you going"
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:35 PM
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I've got an idea .... why don't you get busy choosing your spa retreat??!
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:50 PM
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Heheh... don't forget the laundry marks on his underoos when you send him off to camp!

What's he gonna forget that he can't live without, if you don't pack for him? No more reminders, no more fixing. Start practicing now, you've got 28 days to work on it.
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Old 04-05-2011, 05:39 PM
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X, I think you should have titled this something more along the lines of 'what should I expect with him going to inpatient treatment' instead of 'help me pack'. Kind of walked right into that one, eh?

We all mean well - keep the focus on you. Let him manage this one himself; he'll figure out quickly how this works all by himself.

Stay strong!
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Old 04-05-2011, 07:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Thumper View Post
Basically, it isn't cool to treat adults like 6yo's. It harms us both and it is soooo destructive to a relationship and how we interact and function.
It's taking me so long to realize this. To realize that all of my "helping" is actually "hurtful".

I just might put this quote on a yellow sticky and hang it on my mirror!

db
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Old 04-05-2011, 07:41 PM
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If he hasn't been before than it is up to him to find out what he can or can't bring. He isn't going on a business trip, he is going to LEARN how to pack his own bags essentially.

No better time than the present to start learnin'.
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Old 04-05-2011, 08:05 PM
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I used pack for my husband whenever we went on trips. I went about doing this because I thought I was helping him. I'll never forget the day we were on vacation and he yelled at me for something I forgot to pack.

To hell with that...pack your own **** next time!!!

Just a thought... People can't be responsible for themselves if we keep getting in their way.
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Old 04-05-2011, 10:58 PM
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This sounds so much like what I do for my AH..he's always telling me what he needs, and I'm always running around doing it for him. I packed his bag each time he went to rehab (4..he left each time..longest stay was 11 days I think??). Bless you sweetie..and yes, let him pack his own bag. I know that if you are like me though, it's easier said than done.
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Old 04-06-2011, 07:57 AM
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AH is bringing tacos to work today for a party. The old me would have offered to make the tacos for him.

The new me gave him the recipe and told him there's cooked hamburger meat in the fridge from today if he wants to use it.

He couldn't figure out how to use the food processor. The old me would have done it for him.

The new me told him he could use the blender instead (of course an A knows how to use a blender).

The most codie thing I did was suggest to him that he might want to bring tortilla chips instead of taco shells because he'd have to cook those at work in the toaster oven.

He went off to the store for supplies. I don't know what he bought because it's not my business.

Let your AH pack his own stuff. You'll feel better
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